Help!!!


#1

A little detailed, so sensitive readers, proceed with caution!

I feel like I am at my wits end. I have struggled with masturbation for years, and more recently, pornography. I’ve always fantasized during masturbation. They were always normal fantasies about men (I am a woman). Ever since I started viewing porn though, the fantasies have changed. They’ve become far more disturbing. First, I started fantasizing about women, even though I am convinced I only want to be with a man. Then, I started fantasizing about religious, married people, exhibitionism…you get the idea. Now, I am at the point where I actually feel an urge to act out these desires. I keep momentarily looking on internet sites for people who want to hookup (men, women, couples, good grief!). I am as of right now a virgin. I want to save myself for my future husband. But I also feel like sometimes I just don’t care and want to act out these things. I feel like if I don’t, I will always desire to do so. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying all day, but the temptations keep coming back. I am so afraid I’ll actually go through with something! The only thing holding me back is the Grace of God.

Any advice is GREATLY appreciated!!!


#2

Praying for you.
What helped me was to realize that my guardian angel is always with me, and I don’t want to do anything in front of him that would be offensive/embarrassing.
I think of heaven as very close to us, as if the saints stand on a glass floor above us or beside us, and can see everything we do. That, and having to go to confession repeatedly, led me to lead a holier life.
You might try saying a rosary every day when tempted.


#3

Something is triggering your urges. Remove the triggers. Get rid of all porn, movies with nudity, all suggestive magazines and catalogs.Block porn sites.Our culture has slowly, almost imperceptibly been saturated with sexual images. This generally affects men much more than women, but you can see that sin is sin. Look at people in the eyes and do not allow your eyes to be lured to other areas of their bodies. Frequent confession, with the intention of amending your life. Consider that each time you submit to temptation, you are forcing the crown of thorns onto Jesus’ head; you are nailing His flesh. It is not a victimless sin, as Christ is the victim of all sin.

You are under spiritual attack and a spirtual warfare prayer may very well help youi - but you must trigger the urge to pray before you are triggered to sin. You know the feeling(s) that you experience each time you are tempted. Recognize them and take action against them when you first notice htem. The evil one hates your virginity (and all purity) and is tempting you to give it over to him. Resist him and he will flee from you! He knows your weakness and will always send you tempations that are customized for you. He does not send you drug dealers, or gamblers - he sends sexual signals and images.

Consider checking into counseling, as this behavior has been learned and is now habitual. Habits can be broken, but tempatations require active resistence. Your priest has heard all of this before, so do not hesitate to ask him for ways to avoid such sin. And, try not to be tempted to substitute sin for sin, as the devil still has you - just for different reasons!

What you can do right now is to implore the help of the Blessed Virgin Mary! She is your mother and, being pure, will pray endlessly to the Lord on your behalf. Have a Rosary handy and pray it often - each time you are tempted, if necessary.

Praying.


#4

start with removing porn and work your way down backwards

try going for a run everytime you feel like these fantasies are getting the best of you!


#5

This below is a prayer for purity:-

youtube.com/watch?v=vMIj-OEe-kE

Pray and when you feel stronger, remove all the things that tempt you from your reach.

Look out for past times, busy yourself, do something useful: like read, go out and practice a sport, learn new recipes,…

When temptation comes, :slight_smile: there’s nothing you need to be afraid of, you only have to pray and trust in God.

The rosary as mentioned above is the weapon needed to overcome temptation!


#6

The above advice is good, solid advice and I hope that you are able to make use of it.

I used “get thee behind me, Satan” when I was having a similar struggle, when I felt like I was drowning in the overwhelming temptations and sinful thoughts.

You have to pray for Grace AND use your will to stop the thoughts immediately. do NOT allow yourself to follow the thoughts and/or images. block them, fight them, refuse them.

You can do this. Pray to Mary, Jesus, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Michael the Archangel and any other saints that you feel strongly pulled to.

FIGHT!


#7

Oh, FeelingLost, my heart goes out to you. :heart:

The first step, as I'm sure you must know, is to go to confession. If you don't already, I would recommend doing it behind a screen, as otherwise you are more likely to balk at telling the priest face-to-face. If you are worried your parish priest will recognize your voice, then by all means, seek out a good priest at a different parish who won't know you or your voice. If it feels impossible to say you masturbated, say 'self-abuse.' It's an older term for masturbation, but the priest will know what you mean. You will need to confess not just the self-abuse (and he might ask how often this occurs if you don't say), but also the porn viewing and impure thoughts, and any time you have received Communion without going to confession. This is the first step to healing, as there are abundant graces in the sacrament. I would also recommend making an Act of Spiritual Communion right after you go to confession:

With a contrite and loving heart, say:
My Jesus, I believe that Thou art present in the Blessed Sacrament. I love Thee above all things and I desire to possess Thee within my soul.
Since I cannot receive Thee sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart.
(pause)
As though Thou were already there, I embrace Thee and unite myself wholly to Thee;
permit me not that I should ever be separated from Thee. Amen.

Keep a rosary - even a small one, or a single-decade one -- with you, in your purse, on the computer desk, etc. Whenever you get the temptation or urge to view porn, masturbate, or indulge in fantasies, etc -- get up, walk away from where you were (the computer, etc), and hold the rosary beads in your hands. Even if you cannot actually pray the Rosary, clutch the beads and pray whatever you can muster; whether that is "Jesus, help me!" over and over, or the Hail Mary over and over, or the Miraculous Medal prayer, or whatever comes to you, is up to you and what you can pray at those times. Just make sure you do pray.

Also, when you are tempted, instead of freaking out and focusing on the fact that you are being tempted and the sin is mighty appealing right then, re-focus your thoughts by offering to Jesus your temptation for the conversion of sinners. If you succeed in resisting, and have offered it to Him thus, you will make Satan** so mad** for turning his tricks back around on him like that. :D

Some temptations must be dealt with by fleeing them. I think this is one of them. When you are tempted, don't keep thinking about the temptation or the sin that sounds appealing then. Think about something else entirely. First, offer it to Jesus for the conversion of sinners. Then, get up, do something, get a drink, do jumping jacks, pray the Rosary, Divine Mercy chaplet, or any little prayer you can muster. Go and kneel before a crucifix or image of Jesus or Mary. Distract your thoughts; replace your tempting thoughts with prayers. Try the 'Jesus prayer' ("Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.") Ask Jesus, in His Mercy, to grant you the grace of chastity. Ask Mary, under a title that is meaningful to you, or perhaps as Refuge of Sinners, Mother of Mercy, Immaculate Virgin, etc -- ask her to intercede for you for the grace of chastity and the strength to resist temptation.

When you are tempted, think of your future husband. Commit anew each time to saving yourself for him.

Also, assuming you go to Mass on Sundays (you should), once you have gone to confession (please go soon!! Don't put it off --- it only prolongs your misery and self-loathing), go to Mass and receive Him in Holy Communion. Graces galore to help strengthen you and nourish you.

Which leads me to my next suggestion: if your schedule permits, do please try to go to daily Mass as often as you can. Even if not every day, even if only once during the week aside from Sunday -- go. It is truly a great gift and you will grow spiritually and in graces. Even if you cannot make it to a daily Mass in your area, go visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament as regularly as possible. Whether that is in an Adoration chapel or Adoration offered at a certain time, with the Blessed Sacrament exposed, or if it's just visiting Him reserved in the tabernacle, go. I cannot recommend it more highly. Spend 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour -- pour out all your pain and struggles to Him, tell Him all you are worried about, the graces you need, things you are thankful for -- and then, rest and be still in His Presence. Let Him love you. Try to be quiet. Tell Him you love Him. I often pray, "Jesus, I love You, help Thou my lack of love," or "Jesus, I trust in Thee, help Thou my lack of trust." He longs for your love. He longs for your presence. So tell Him you love Him and want so much to do better, that you are so sorry for your sins and weaknesses, and long to cast off the chains of these sins. Thank Him for His Mercy. Implore His Mercy.
I find this helpful in learning to open up to Him in the Blessed Sacrament: americaneedsfatima.org/Prayers/15-minutes-before-the-blessed-sacrament.html

Do you have a devotion to the Divine Mercy? Jesus said that the greater the sinner, the greater claim he had on His Mercy. Pray the Divine Mercy chaplet. Venerate the image. I have an icon version of it in my room, and it brings me so much comfort and peace just to look at it. I talk to Jesus looking at that icon so much. :)

Jesus told Saint Faustina:

My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners…It is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. (Diary, 367)

So go visit Him!! Often!! :)

A few more suggestions:

Whenever I am experiencing a particularly strong or overpowering temptation -- no matter what the temptation is -- I try to think of three things, and it helps me immensely to resist the temptation. First, I think of this quote:

"No one ought to consider himself a true servant of God who is not tried by many temptations and trials. Temptations overcome are a sort of betrothal ring God gives the soul." - Saint Francis of Assisi

--- I think of Jesus offering me this betrothal ring, of temptations overcome, how giving in would mean rejecting this ring, this proposal.

Secondly, I think of Mary, and how giving in to this sin would mean causing her to cry, would mean that I caused tears to stream down her face.

And thirdly, I think of Jesus, and how giving in to this sin would mean spitting on Jesus, hitting Him, striking Him, slapping Him in the face. I personally have recently grown a lot in devotion to the Holy Face, which is where this realization comes. I also make myself aware of my Guardian Angel's presence, and plead for his help in resisting.

A few good saints (there are obviously many) to ask for their help and intercession: Saint Mary Magdalene, Saint Maria Goretti, Saint Joseph, Saint Michael the Archangel, your own Guardian Angel, your own patron saint/s.

Also, completely remove and clear porn sites, videos, youtube, etc from your computer's history and look into downloading blocking software. Purge your home of any reading materials, music, movies, etc that lead you to sin or cause temptation.

Another suggestion I just thought of, two, actually: if you are online and tempted, you could try going to Savior.org which has a livestream of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. While it does not replace actually visiting Him in person in a church, it could help you to re-focus your thoughts and give a visual to direct your prayers to. Such as when making the Act of Spiritual Communion, which is recommended to pray daily, even more than once a day, if you feel the need.

When you are tempted, pray not just for yourself and the strength to resist, but pray also for your future husband. Take the moment of temptation as an opportunity to pray for him, that he will be granted the grace of chastity and be able to resist temptation. Pray for him to grow in holiness and virtue. It will help him, and help you to remember what you value most -- and that you want to save yourself for him -- physically and mentally, emotionally.

I'm sorry if I have repeated anything others have said since I started my reply, and I know it's a lot, but I'm just trying to offer you many ideas to try. :)

My dear sister in Christ, I will pray for you. God bless you for seeking help. You are not alone, and you are loved. :hug3:


#8

I wanted to make a few edits to my post, but the button has vanished. :confused: What the heck? Anyway, I will make them here. :o

You could also get a rosary bracelet to wear every day, so you always have one with you. If you need to hold it in your hands when tempted, you can take it off and hold it.

Also, when you are tempted, instead of freaking out and focusing on the fact that you are being tempted and the sin is mighty appealing right then, re-focus your thoughts by offering to Jesus your temptation for the conversion of sinners. If you succeed in resisting, and have offered it to Him thus, you will make Satan so mad for turning his tricks back around on him like that. :smiley:

You could also offer your temptation for the Holy Souls in Purgatory, or for both them and for the conversion of sinners.

When you are tempted, think of your future husband. Commit anew each time to saving yourself for him.

What do you want most: genuine, unconditional love in the union of the Sacrament of Marriage, or a cheap, vulgar, shoddy imitation of love that doesn’t even come close to the real thing? Choose the banquet, not the temporary gratification of junk food, which only leaves you feeling miserable and horrible and wretched inside.

Get a Miraculous Medal (and get it blessed by a priest); wear it with faith. Get a Saint Benedict medal (also get it blessed); wear it with faith. (you could wear both on the same chain) They don’t have to be ‘nice’ and sterling silver, etc (unless you want them to be), there are inexpensive ones available for mere cents.

When you bless yourself with holy water at church, say the prayer: “By this holy water and by Thy Precious Blood, O Lord, wash away my sins.” This remits venial sin, and will help you grow in grace. (But does not replace Confession!)

And although I feel like I don’t need to say this, I will: if after you have gone to confession, you stumble again, don’t wait: go to confession again as soon as possible. Rush to the fount of God’s mercy. There are graces and healing just waiting to be received in this sacrament. :smiley:


#9

MaidoftheWood: :thumbsup::thumbsup: awesome posts


#10

Thank you all for the replies, and especially for your prayers! To update, last night I contacted someone who had a personals ad up on a website for a hookup. Thankfully, I had the sense to make up a new email without my real name in it. Also, thankfully that person never contacted me back. Today, I’m feeling much different about things and wondered how I could ever have wanted to contact someone in the first place. :shrug: Even so, I don’t think I ever would have met up with this person anyway.

Oh, and I do want to mention that I am another member on this site, but made up this account because I was too embarrassed to write this with my actual account. :o


#11

Thank you, MaidoftheWood, for your well-thought answer. :slight_smile: I do go to Mass every Sunday. I haven’t been to confession in awhile, but I am blessed to live in an area where many churches with confession are accessible for me. I do want to go very soon. I’m tired of feeling the way I do. I also am near an adoration chapel but haven’t gone in a couple of weeks. Some part of me feels like I am too dirty right now to go in. I need to stop thinking like this. :frowning: I am going to try to be faithful with saying the 3 Hail Mary’s every morning and night (I don’t always just out of plain forgetfulness), and also saying a rosary every day. Thank you for the link to the website with virtual adoration. That’s an awesome idea for people who don’t have access to adoration. I also do like praying the Divine Mercy chaplet.

I need to get better at re-focusing my thoughts. I feel like today I am doing much better though!


#12

Masturbation is natural and good for you. What is this church's problem?!


#13

Hooking up with a stranger who ran a sex ad on internet is just about the dumbest thing you could do. Seriously, do you want to end up raped and/or dead?

Don’t do it - ever. Please, I beg you. Bad bad bad idea.

Stay off the internet. Throw away your computer if you have to. You say you doubt you would’ve met up with the person … did you ever think you’d get to the point where you are now - making up fake emails and responding to ads? :eek:

Please seek out spritual help from a Priest or a counselor who specializes in porn/sex addiction. You are teetering precariously close to the edge…

Edit: Just re-read my post and I don’t mean to come off as judgemental. I’m not judging you. I’m terrified for you, my dear sister in Christ.


#14

In addition to all of the other good advice, you might also want to seek out a psychologist for some mental health testing. There are some mental health diagnosis that include such sexual acting out compulsions.


#15

Please do not come on my post to debate the issue. If you want to debate it, start your own thread. I already know it’s wrong and don’t need anyone claiming it to be otherwise.


#16

To be fair, what I did still lies within the fantasy realm. Internet is not the real deal. It’s not very far from stuff I have done in the past. I’ve done other stuff via electronics (not justifying it, just saying this isn’t terribly far-fetched). There’s still a huge difference between talking to someone anonymously over a computer, and actually meeting up in person. Again, I would not meet anyone in person. I mean, I had opportunities within relationships to have sex only to break up with the guy for trying to push his way. I don’t actually want to do it, there was just a thrill I guess in pretending I would do something, if this makes sense :shrug:


#17

I already see a Catholic therapist for other stuff. I’m guessing though, that since I am still a virgin I don’t have a sexual acting out compulsion. This was sort of a fluke thing. It was really from watching too much porn, getting bored with the porn, and wanting to take it to the next level. Like I said, I have done things via electronics before (sexting with ex-boyfriends), but not like I’ve done it a whole lot. I’m just a person who struggles with sexual sin trying to stay pure in today’s society, where sex is so readily available to anyone. I think I have still done better than many people.


#18

Please, please go at your first opportunity. The longer you put it off, the worse it is. You feel so wretched, but perhaps dread the actually ‘doing’ of confessing – but by putting it off, you are essentially refusing the medicine that God is offering you that will make you feel so much better. :frowning: And so you go around with this weight, and disgusting feelings, and stress and anxiety, for no reason at all. And then when you do finally go, you think, why the heck did I wait so long?! :eek: And you feel like going around grinning and dancing. :stuck_out_tongue: Don’t wait.

I also am near an adoration chapel but haven’t gone in a couple of weeks. Some part of me feels like I am too dirty right now to go in. I need to stop thinking like this. :frowning:

Stop thinking like that!!! Those are the lies of Satan, who wants nothing more than to convince you that you are “too dirty” to adore God, that you are “unworthy” of His Mercy. Absolute rubbish. Every one of us is a sinner in some way or form. We don’t deserve His Mercy, but He offers it anyway out of His infinite Love. Don’t ever let sin prevent you from running to God, or going to Adoration. It is then that you need Him most.

Listen to Jesus’ own words:

“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” – Mark 2:17

Satan will do everything in his power to convince you not to go to Adoration; not to pray, not to run to God and implore His Mercy. He wants to convince you that you are “too dirty.” Don’t listen to him. Listen to Jesus, who longs for you, thirsts for you. He thirsts for your love, for your presence. He longs to hear His Name on your lips, as a lover longs to hear his beloved say his name. He longs to plunge you into the depths of His Mercy, and to heal your wounds. Run to Him, without fear, and cast all your sins and weaknesses and sorrows at His feet.

I need to get better at re-focusing my thoughts.

There’s a Padre Pio quote somewhere about this, how continuing to think about the temptation, the sin that is presented to you, only makes it much more likely that you will give in and fall. So the key is to redirect your thoughts and think about something else entirely. Especially, I think, with sexual sins, which have a tendency to ‘stick’ in your mind and weaken your resolve the more you think about it and the temporary gratification. But remind yourself: whenever I give in, how do I feel afterwards? Do I feel at peace? Or do I feel disgusting, horrible, ashamed, filthy? Make the positive choice that will ensure peace and happiness. Remind yourself why this sin is wrong, and why you don’t want to participate in it. Say, out loud if possible, that you re-commit yourself to saving yourself for your future husband. Remind yourself how precious a gift your virginity is. I saw somewhere else the suggestion to use this: say out loud (or mentally), and mean it:* “In the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, I reject that thought.” *(the thought being, of course, the temptation or sinful thought) Say it more than once if you need to.

So learn how to re-focus your thoughts: by praying, getting up and doing something (dancing, walking, running, jumping jacks, etc), go bake cookies, read a book, paint your nails, clean out your purse, your desk, your closet, write a letter to your grandmother, sing an entire song (a favorite hymn?), anything but thinking about the temptation and the sin. And before you know it, the temptation will have faded, and you will have accomplished something else good, without giving in. :slight_smile:

I will continue to pray for you!

When you are tempted to look at porn or to indulge in impure, lustful thoughts, remember this verse, and choose accordingly:

“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
– Philippians 4:8


#19

You know its wrong. How old are you?

coughindoctrinationcough


#20

How old I am is none of your concern, though suffice to say, it has been several years since I turned 18. I am a very independent thinker who is able to come to my own conclusions. I believe in the Catholic Church and all it teaches because I know it to be the Truth.

If anyone is being indoctrinated, it is the one who believe the lies that the world tells them. Again, I ask you not to debate this anymore, or to insult myself or anyone here. I will report.


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