[quote="m_crane, post:6, topic:224093"]
Good stuff :)but what if the parents are divorced or not living a happy marriage:confused:?
Some young people (myself at that age) will need help from other sources. Where can they find good advice? Where can a parent send them to seek sound objective guidance in discerning marriage or a spouse?
By the way, I am not pushing my sons into marriage but I want them to have better guidance than I had at that age should they choose to marry. I had no help from my parents and made many mistakes, so did my husband. We would have loved a little support and help avoiding the pitfalls in bad marriages.
I had a meddling MIL who rather than support my marriage often was the cause of problems in my marriage. I often tell my husband if I had understood how much of a part In-laws play in a marriage, I would have made sure that my husband and I had a working agreement about how we handled them before getting married or I would not have married him. Those are the kind of things I want my sons to learn.
I am not trying to marry my sons off, or choose their spouse. I am trying to let them prepare for the hard parts of marriage and look for red flags, before they marry, so that they have good strong marriages. Once they are given the facts, it's up to them what they do with it. I've done my job.
I think is irresponsible for parents to remain silent as if they are interfering when they have good supportive information to share.
For example, your daughter comes home on a friday night, you ask where her fiance is and it turns out he is at the bar getting drunk. Are you going to talk about that or are you going to ignore it? Sorry, I'm going to talk about it.
I was very blessed with having an older couple mentor me when I was single. They worked extensively in youth ministry, had seven children of their own and 23 grandchildren at the time. They opened up their house to young and old people that were interested in having a bible study/prayer group on a weekly basis. My parents were not the kind to talk about this kind of subject, even though they were married for 50 years themselves. But this couple, talked a lot about their own struggles and strengths of their marriage. They talked a lot about marriage being a vocation, how important it was to study our Catholic faith and to attend adoration and mass together as a couple, or bible studies, or retreats.
My daughter is only 11, I'm a long way from being where you are. Often times kids don't like to have this kind of talk with their own parents. I don't know if my parents had talked to me, or helped me discern if it would have had the same impact as this particular couple did. Maybe finding a married couple that teaches NFP or works on Engaged Encounter weekends or Marriage Encounter weekends would have some great suggestions? I was surrounded by couples that were living out their Catholic marriages to the best of their abilities, I mean really living out their faith, because of my involvement in youth ministry and these couples taking the effort to mentor to us younger Catholics.
I do know this when it comes to inlaws, I do think a married couple needs to be able to know that they always have each other's back, they never have to doubt that they are not a united team. No one, not family especially, should ever be able to undermine a married couple. My husband and I learned that the hard way as well, my MIL was very good at trying to undermine our decisions and insert herself in our relationship. It took awhile to really become "one flesh", especially when it came to extended family obligations.