I have a strange, confusing, very painful situation involving a boy and I.
I’m not really sure if I’ve come to the right place for advice, but he’s Catholic and the only comforting advice I’ve been given is from a wise, older Italian Catholic woman who insists that non-Catholics just don’t understand since they don’t know what it’s like to be raised that way.
He is a 19-year-old-boy who was raised in a strict Catholic home and his faith is very important to him. I am a 24-year-old girl, unbaptised but I have always believed in God and that Jesus is my savior and the boy and I have discussed my conversion to Catholicism so that we could get married someday.
He and I have been good friends for seven years, talking frequently with one another about all manner of things. He always had feelings for me which I ignored until he grew up due to the age difference. Then I fell for him, we finally pulled out the L word and assumed that we would end up together someday. We each frequently declared- to one another and to others- that we were the loves of one anothers lives.
There is also a bit of distance between us- we’re separated by a state, so our contact was primarily through the internet and phone, although sometimes I sent him letters.
His father intercepted a letter I wrote to him and to say that he hit the roof is putting it very mildly. I don’t want to divulge any details, but trust me when I say that things. Got. BAD. It ended in his father giving the ultimatum that he cut off all contact with me or he can’t live under his roof.
So, I have no way of getting in touch with him. He told me that he never wanted me to give up on him and that right now is just going to be a trial, but then he burned any bridge that might lead to me. My number is blocked from their phone plan, I’m blocked on Facebook and, after hiding any information that would reveal my identity and resuming activity there as a sort of last ditch effort to maintain some sort of contact, unfollowed on Twitter, which I deleted because I couldn’t bear to log on and watch him continue to pretend not to care about me. According to a friend of mine who agreed to act as a go-between, he even blocked her Facebook profile.
I have never felt so heartbroken and lost in my entire life. I’m not one who easily falls; it took so very long for me to finally let somebody in. Then, when I finally do and think that I’ve found something I can count on, it’s ripped away in a flash, as though we’re supposed to just pretend none of it ever happened.
We were so happy. I was planning a trip to visit him for which I would have left in just a few days. I can’t imagine a life that doesn’t have him in some form or another. He’s my favorite boy in the entire world. He has always been here, for seven years, the better part of a decade. We’ve grown up together. I never, ever thought that there would come a day in which he wouldn’t be there. I have lived a life of great pain and loss; I never thought that I would lose him, however.
I don’t know how much is his father and how much is him, though. He goes to college; his father, no matter how strict, is not with him every moment. If he truly wanted to contact me, he could find a way. He could send word through somebody else’s Facebook if nothing else.
The aforementioned woman that I know insists that he still loves me, but that his father just struck that much fear into him. I’ve been told that he is a very stubborn man who thinks that his judgment is the final word and requires absolute obedience. I didn’t even tell her all of that and she guessed it. Apparently that’s a common scenario?
I just wish I knew how to handle such a situation. Have any of you ever found yourselves at a similar point? I have never felt so hopeless.