I’m struggling with something lately and would appreciate input from fellow Catholics.
Over a year ago, I had an unpleasant experience with another woman. She said some ugly things about me, sent me some messages on Facebook (anonymously, though not cleverly disguised), and she eventually reached out to my fiance in an attempt to slander me. To be completely honest, I have also said ugly things about her, though not to her. I never replied to messages she sent, and I have not even met her. Her dislike of me was fueled by feelings she had for my fiance, and my dislike of her was fueled by this as well. (Jealousy. Ugh.)
ANYWAY, a lot of time has passed. She is no longer an active antagonist in my life, and the possibility of her being able to contact me again is remote. Logically I know it’s over (or as over as it reasonably can be). And yet I still get angry when I think about everything that was said and everything that happened. My angry, hurt feelings are less frequent than they used to be, but it’s been almost a year since she last contacted me and tried to hurt my feelings, and the fact that my feelings still flare up when I am reminded of her bothers me.
It bothers me so much that, this Sunday, I didn’t take Communion. Something about the whole situation really started to eat at me this week, and by Sunday, I felt that, on a very simple level, if she’d been sitting next to me at Mass, I couldn’t have passed the peace to her. I know that this might be a silly way to look at things, but it bothers me anyway. (Also, she isn’t Catholic. I don’t know what she is, so she wouldn’t actually be sitting next to me. But that’s not my point.)
I have no idea if there’s a basis for my not taking Communion because of my grudge against this woman. All I know is that, when it came down to it this Sunday, I did not feel like I should. And I’ve never stopped myself from taking Communion before, not since I came into the Church, so I hope I don’t appear to be scrupulous.
I think I should go to Confession, but I would like to know what you think. If I’m honest with myself, I don’t know how long it will take me to feel like I’ve moved past this. I’ve told myself countless times that I need to get over it, and yet the anger still flares up when I’m reminded of her or of what happened. My fiance has been (and continues to be) supportive, but I know it wears on him to be reminded of somebody who was such a nuisance. (He has forgiven her, though.) I also just don’t want to carry this with me anymore.