Its difficult to respond to this without knowing the details, because I can think of several scenarios that would have me handing out different advice’s… Not saying that for you to divulge information here… no! But just saying I hope that with the following paragraphs, I may be able to help you with this.
My advice:don’t confront until the hateful feelings that you said are popping up have dissipated… to the point of it not even bothering you anymore. My concern is, if you confront her before that happens, if you don’t get the reaction you are desiring from her if you went to confront her, things could pop up again and then get worse. escalate.
I think I heard somewhere a long time ago when there is heated feelings, to walk away- don’t say anything as long as it takes for those feelings to subside and more understanding slips in, with time, prayer and meditation on the subject to really get a grip on the situation. Often what we think it SO important to us, in time we see it was really not that bad or not worth the problems a very bad argument/fight/separation that can happen because of intense emotions- hatred, passion, what-have-you. Wars get started from even little things… its true. I also was taught to forgive immediately. … for your own heart and soul the same as for God too, because nothing eats away at peace like hatred and anger. (Even if its righteous- with that scenario all we have is to trust in God that He is working something out of it) God controls all… And our lives run like a schooling for love and all is a test… What we do with our love (or no love) is our gift to God. We are to glorify* God**/I] with our actions. Not ourselves. If one feels they can’t do that, maybe best let it sit for a long while and take the issue (confront the issue the feelings) in prayer with God… the One who sees all, knows all and has the bird’s eye vision to direct you in a way you can have peace in.
Ask yourself, what would be the best, most loving most glorifying way that this problem can outcome? Keep in mind all that *YOU *can do, not the other… you can’t control others one iota, and not everyone responds in kind. Sad fact of life. (Sometimes they aren’t even guilty of anything either… some are very ignorant, like children without loving guidance, some are just ‘hungry’ and devoid of what they really need and don’t know it.)
Look at it this way... View this friend that hurt you as if she were a newborn baby or young child (yours) and then let yourself spill the same hate onto that person (as a child or baby)... can you do it? Could you still be as angry? What if God transformed this person you are angry with and put her into your arms as a baby? What would you do? OR if this was your beloved child and you witnessed her do it to another child... how would you handle it? I think most people would be much more kind if it was themselves, or their child (or someone they very much care about). Every person is a potential saint- as God wants them to be with Him in heaven.
Think of the reward of heaven… is this worth loosing it? If not, be cautious take this slow- time is a great healer, but it is also the great* reveal-er. * There may not be things you can see yet at this point… maybe in time, you will know more… information that might make you see things differently, and your tense fist loosen. … And see if you can look within at your own heart and its own hurt. You know, God can heal, and he can even miraculously rejuvenate… ask Him to help you take this anger away. He wants us to do His will and if we are serious about doing it, He will help… if its His will. You must believe though. No half halfheartedness- but keep asking anyway. Jesus made himself clear in the Scriptures about what happens to those who hate their brother. Jesus cries tears over lost souls. Yours or another.
I’d say if you have to ask here, you are not very clear about the situation yet (And that’s ok) … so take some more time. What is it you want in confrontation? What are you hoping for? What if you don’t get your desired outcome when doing it?! What then?! By thew ay, with all I have said, I am not saying don’t confront her… I’m just saying, I think you need more time to think about this. To know what you want, to know what you’d be able to handle as outcomes, to know what God wants of you… for the benefit of all. The person you are angry with very well may NEED to be confronted! But with love. No anger- trust me, they will ‘smell’ it, even if you are being ‘nice’… and it won’t work. There’s got to be honest to goodness love there, for this person, from God through your heart towards this person. Otherwise, there is a scripture that talks about getting beaten up… !
Forgiveness is VERY DIFFICULT!!! But do it sincerely with full heart… no lying to self and doing it as a gimpy reaction of “obedience” (Which I guess is better than not at all but it does not bring peace…. which I think you are doing this now, because the root of this has not been nipped, it still festers within you… you said you have not acted on your anger, but its still there) , but a true heart with real love that came from God and His Holy Spirit is peace. Of what does this matter mean in view of eternity? Why are you still hanging on to it? (I don’t say that flippantly against you, no, it is normal to feel angry when we are wronged, or even feel wronged… just as a question that needs to be addressed within you- the why of it- from that answer to that question, you’ll be able to so to speak pull out the pus and get to the infection. Clean the wound, so that it can heal and you to be healthy and happy again.
Reach out to God!!! He is there for you beautiful soul. May God bless you. Please pray for me too, if you can.*