A few months ago, I felt the lowest in life when I was struck by the way that I was living with regard to my faith. Not long after, I met a girl that helped bring me up. However, after some time, I noticed that there were a lot of questions that she was avoiding and leaving unanswered. I asked her if she was available so that we could talk, but that didn’t happen. A month ago, I told her that I liked her, but that I felt that I was a burden that I didn’t want to be, essentially distancing myself, though I desperately wanted to hold on. She told me she wanted to remain friends, but that she wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship with anyone.
Through the time that I’ve known her, I wouldn’t consider ourselves as good friends, but as acquaintances. Besides being at the same place every week, neither of us know much about each other, but there remains a feeling of fondness between us. It’s more an implicit relationship, if such a thing even exists. Despite our seeming lack of a relationship, she has inspired me to be a better person and has helped me grow in my faith.
This week has been particularly difficult with everything going wrong, and lately, my solution, besides praying, is to turn to the hope that she gives me. I guess somewhere inside, I still hope that we could be together. What I’m wondering is whether it’s right for me to continue thinking that. Maybe I’m just holding on to false hope and I’ve created this illusion of a possibility for a relationship, but it seems like she’s the only one that’s keeping me from giving up. Any thoughts?