My grandfather (my father’s father) recently passed away. In light of this, I’ve decided to go down and see my family for Christmas. My grandmother and my father could really use the support right now.
The trouble is my mother. Long story short, she doesn’t want to respect my independence or any boundaries I set. She’s all over me normally trying to “fix” things and gets extremely upset if I challenge her in any way. I feel like she sees me only as a rebellious, disrespectful teenager. So, say, she still insists that my black hair and long black skirts are a form of “rebellion” because I don’t wear blue jeans like a normal girl (I don’t even own any). She can be very manipulative when she’s upset or wants something done, and she refuses to let a subject drop.
No one else in the family is going to back me up - if anything my father takes her side. Her words really do hurt deeply - to the point of sometimes coming home after family visits and crying for a day or two. I’ve heard over and over to “not let it get to me” but it never works. She sometimes hits on some points that sting deeply for me. For example, she’ll go after me for taking time off work recently, which stings because I still feel guilty about that even though I know it was necessary (health related).
I want to support my father and grandmother, but I don’t want to come back from the visit a wreck. Are there any good concrete things I can do to lessen the impact of dealing with her?