[quote=bekalc]I’m in RCIA and I attended mass. The way I look at is that I’m going to be Catholic I need to start acting one as best as possible and getting use to the idea. Although I didn’t go to the one in August although I wasn’t in RCIA yet nor was I sure when the dates were. I’m still learning.
I think part of really making an informed choice about Catholicism is to participate in Catholic life. So, I’m kind of immersing myself going to a Catholic service every sunday etc. I actaully enjoy the mass even though I cannot receive.
It is hard a bit though. Sometimes I wish I could participate in reconcilation. Because there are areas in my life I want cleaned up. And then I feel guilty and I try to say I’m sorry but worry about the whole mortal sin thing. There is a particular habit of mine that is bad, and I need to overcome.
Bekalc, I totally agree that once you admit and profess that you are ready to be Catholic that you need to begin to act and worship Catholic. And while you “enjoy” Mass now, you might not always enjoy Mass. You will have dry periods of faith whereby the Holy Spirit will be working harder and your attendence at Mass will “grease the skids” and make God’s efforts easier. Sometimes, you will leave Mass with a feeling of ecstacy when you experience profoundly the Love of God. Also, sometimes the Mass will be torture as it opens old wounds that have been barriers for you to fully experience the Love of God. But always, it will be giving you Graces that prepare and strengthen you for your journey and the battle against the evil one.
Although a cradle Catholic, I’ve been in your position of not being able to participate in the Sacraments so I have great empathy for budding converts. I married my wife 20 years ago in a civil ceremony. She had been married before and had started the annulment process twice but stopped because she was emotionally unprepared to deal with the past. I married her as I loved her and knew that she ultimately would find the courage to finish the annulment process. As I had researched the criteria for an annulment, I was fully confident that her first marriage was not sacramental and in the end the process confirmed my research. However, for 5 years, I was obligated to “fast” from the sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist. During this fasting period, I was tormented by my fear that I could lose eternal salvation. Because of the tender counsel of my Pastor, during this period of fasting, monthly (or so) I would consciously do an examination of conscience, said an Act of Contrition, and then did a conscious dedicated corporal work of mercy/charity as penance. My Pastor said that while the Church was not able to recognize the forgiveness of my sins, he told me to hope and trust in the mercy of God. Additionally, when I was at Mass, I said the Spiritual Communion Prayer (I can’t believe I can’t recall it as it was once as common to me as the Hail Mary but I know you can find it on the Web) and went up for the blessing from the Priest (I always made sure I was in the line of the Priest and not the EMHC even though he assured me that the blessing of the EMHC was equally effective).
God Bless you as you continue on the RCIA process and you ultimately experience a conversion that will last for all eternity.