I sent this message to my spiritual director after I had a good conversation over the phone with him. First of all, I am going to have a conditional baptism because there is reason to believe that the one I had in a Protestant congregation when I was 3 years old was done invalidly, and I just want to have a conditional one done just so I know I have the full grace of the sacrament. Please ask the Holy Spirit to bless this, if it is a true baptism, in the case that my “first” baptism was not done correctly. But otherwise, may I be confident in my full reception into the mystical body of Christ, should my original baptism have been valid anyways (I know that baptism cannot be repeated, but I don’t know if this was done correctly or not the first time, so I don’t know if it was an actual baptism or not).
After my confirmation I learned something about the way my baptism was performed that would seem to make it invalid, so I have been anxious about it since. I did not receive confirmation until 2010 when I was 25 years old, because I was not interested when I was in high school.
But onto my prayer request besides the request for a confidence that I have been truly baptized. Here is the message I just sent to my spiritual director:
“Important question. Do you have any suggestions for what I can do when I am absolutely struggling to focus on my schoolwork or other responsibilities? I think this is greatest struggle, to focus, and be able to concentrate on one thing at a time and make progress in it and produce something of value. I find that because I have so many things to do, so many interests, so many assignments, that when I sit down to do one thing, I cannot focus on it, as I am thinking about all the other things I have to do on top of it. This is the greatest source of anxiety and worry for me. because I am still preoccupied with all the things I am responsible for doing over time, I cannot focus on the one thing I have decided to do, and thus I cannot make any effective progress in it. For example, my piano practice and singing practice for my two music classes has brought this to my attention very clearly. If I get distracted by other things I have to do after practicing piano or singing, I cannot focus on the piano or singing enough to actually improve in what I am practicing. I really need to be able to focus and not worry about other things. I need to know that God is going to help me take care of those other activities and responsibilites when I am done with what I am doing at the time. And I want to be able to know when I have done enough work on one thing to be able to move onto something else, and know that I did good work on the first thing. This is my greatest anxiety of all. I will say that all my difficulties come from an anxiety over focusing on one thing when I have so many other things to do as well. It is paradoxical in that this anxiety to get so many things done, results in an inability to do even one thing, and not a soul can do many things, without doing one thing first. There is no two without there first being one. Two and three and all other multiplicities depend upon a One existing before all else.”
Please pray and if you have any suggestions, comments, guidance, or advice or other assistance, please send me a private message. I suppose you can post advice on this thread, but this forum is supposed to be for prayers only, I guess, and other advice I guess is reserved for private messages or other forum rooms.
God bless you all, and thank you for all your prayers,