Homeschooling backlash....NASTY reaction from family& friends


#1

Oh brother…Ok so I made the jump! It is SCARY and felt really weird not sending my kiddo’s on that big yellow bus this week…almost feels like I’m a criminal and the school police are going to show up at my door and demand my kids or something…:o

Anyway…never expected to get much support from loved ones about this decision but I’m really quite shocked at some of the reactions I’ve gotten. Not that I care because I’m not asking for anybody’s approval or support, I have DH’s full support and that’s all that matters. However, I need some ideas on what to say to people to defend my decision to homeschool, like maybe statistics, success rates of homeschoolers etc. I don’t want to be rude or sarcastic or anything. I mean these objections are coming from concerned people who love and care about us and I’d like to try and set their mind at ease if possible.

I know the benefits of homeschooling through the research I’ve done and mostly from being a member here for so long and reading about homeschoolers experiences here…but I’m at a loss when it comes to articulating this to others, kwim?


"Socialization" and Homeschooling
#2

Here is an article


#3

[quote="masondoggy, post:1, topic:210401"]
Oh brother.....Ok so I made the jump! It is SCARY and felt really weird not sending my kiddo's on that big yellow bus this week...almost feels like I'm a criminal and the school police are going to show up at my door and demand my kids or something...:o

Anyway...never expected to get much support from loved ones about this decision but I'm really quite shocked at some of the reactions I've gotten. Not that I care because I'm not asking for anybody's approval or support, I have DH's full support and that's all that matters. However, I need some ideas on what to say to people to defend my decision to homeschool, like maybe statistics, success rates of homeschoolers etc. I don't want to be rude or sarcastic or anything. I mean these objections are coming from concerned people who love and care about us and I'd like to try and set their mind at ease if possible.

I know the benefits of homeschooling through the research I've done and mostly from being a member here for so long and reading about homeschoolers experiences here....but I'm at a loss when it comes to articulating this to others, kwim?

[/quote]

God bless you and your husband for making this leap! Homeschooling is the best thing that every happened to me, and I am immensely grateful to my parents for making the decision to homeschool all us youngsters.

If you're concerned about things like college, don't be. Many colleges these days will allow you to use a homeschool diploma instead of a high school diploma, and if that's not possible, a GED diploma also works. Myself and the 3 oldest above me all went to college, and all averaged 4.0 grades. Our homeschooling wasn't even that good, but since we didn't have the influence of pop culture and immoral peer influence, we were able to stay focused on our goals.

For further encouragement, since I was homeschooled, I was able to learn carpentry from my dad, and the many years I worked as a carpenter gave me a strong interest in the skilled trades. I went through a career program at my local college to become an electrician, and the teacher told me that she had had two previous students in the last class who were homeschooled, and they performed above the rest of the class.

Remember, while you may not be the best teacher, and while you may have to rely on a LOT of homeschooling books, in the end, the most important thing you can give your kids is commitment, responsibility, and ambition. Whatever they don't learn from you, they will learn on their own because they have the ambition to get the job done.

Good luck! :D


#4

Statistics tell you what the climate is, but what happens at your house is the weather. In other words, statistics really don't matter. If you want to debate it, get all your numbers in a row, but if discussion will not change your mind, then leave the topic alone. You've convinced the people whose permission you need: yourselves.

I think you're better off letting them know, with Miss Manner's politeness, that the matter is not up for discussion, and in a way that leaves you a graceful way to decide later that it is not for you as well as a graceful way to ignore how nasty they were if it works out, and undeniably well.

"I can see you're concerned, but we've done our research, and we think it could work very well for us. We'll see how it goes." Then change the subject. If they don't want to do that, then just say, "Sally, I can see that you're concerned, but it is not up for discussion. Maybe we need a different topic than school right now." Eventually, you just repeat over and over, in a level voice, "It is not up for discussion", as many times as it takes for them to get the message.

In six years, if it works out great, you act as if the conversation never happened. If it does not work out, and they ungracefully come around with the "I told you so"s, you can simply say, "I think it was worth a try, but that's over. It works great for some, it didn't work for us. I'm not interested in a debate about it."

In other words, this is a job for a graciously but firmly worded MYOB.


#5

Yep, pretty much what I was thinking too. We’re cyber schooling this year, and my response has been something along the same lines, like “We’ve given this decision much thought and after much research, we decided this option was what was best for our daughter and our family. If need be, we will reevaluate the decision in a year, but for right now we think we’ve made the best decision to meet our child’s needs. Please respect our decision as we respect yours to do what you see is best for your children.” End of discussion.


#6

Well, I went into this figuring I’d pretty much tell people to MYOB if they gave me a hard time, but when it actually comes down to it with certain people…that’s kind of hard. For example, the other day my dad (who NEVER, ever comments on our business, if he doesn’t agree, he keeps it to himself, so this was very out of character for him) asked me how I was going to manage to do this, especially with my youngest around who already has me seriously stressed out. It’s hard to really give him an answer because these are the same doubts that keep me up at night myself. I can’t just say “MYOB” because #1 he’s my dad, #2 he’s not trying to butt in but he’s truly concerned. kwim?

The concerned reactions (my aunt, my sister, cousin etc. etc.) I’m getting are generally about how I’m going to handle this on my own, that it’s going to be too much work.

What’s funny about all of it is ALL of the bad reactions I’ve got have come from family…in fact nobody in my family has been supportive (except bil & sil), but I’ve gotten nothing but support from internet friends that I don’t even know irl (internet friends from secular sites where nobody else homeschools)

I guess I’m just a little frustrated. :rolleyes:


#7

Mind if I copy & paste this answer, lol? It’ll work for most people.


#8

Tell them you'd like your kid after 12 years of schooling to be able to write complete sentences and know what the Constitution states. No biggie.


#9

Well you know I’d probably say something like “I’m concerned too Dad, but I’m praying on it and I’m sure God will help us work out what needs to be done to make this year a success. It may be a little bit of trial and error but I have faith that we’ll be successful in the end.” Or something like that.


#10

How about - We feel this decision is best for our family.

Then rattle off the list the things you love about home schooling.


#11

[quote="masondoggy, post:1, topic:210401"]
However, I need some ideas on what to say to people to defend my decision to homeschool, like maybe statistics, success rates of homeschoolers etc.

[/quote]

Why not just tell them the real reason you're homeschooling?


#12

[quote="Nec5, post:8, topic:210401"]
Tell them you'd like your kid after 12 years of schooling to be able to write complete sentences and know what the Constitution states. No biggie.

[/quote]

hmmm...not so good.

I like Patrice's generic response and think you will find a better reception with keeping it vague and in the "it is best for our family" approach. Once you try to justify your decisions based on statistics...trying to support how much better home school kids do then traditional school...you will come off as impugning their choice.

I think, in general, when you choose to do something that is counter cultural, you should expect a certain amount of resistance/questioning from others. I don't think you should be accepting of others being nasty about it, but I do think you must realize that you will not be able convince everyone that your choice is the best...and that you shouldn't necessarily try to do so.

Good luck w/ the homeschooling.


#13

Does anyone have any information about cyber-schooling kids?

What ages?

Is there one this is Catholic based cyber-education?

Thank you.


#14

Good on you :slight_smile:

12 years to teach a child to read, think, draw conclusions, calculate math problems, understand the human body, view the stars, map the world, and understand our republic?

And many of the schools, even after 12 years, still fail at that. In college, I saw a 19 year old man - right out of high school - who did not know how to use a card catalog - (this was just before libraries went to computerized systems). Twelve years in school and he couldn’t use a library.

As adults most of never pick up another book. We’re sick of being forced like cattle through the public school system.

Many many many children graduate high school don’t go on to attend college. Yet, high schools are primarily geared - not toward full time employment or entrepreneurship for these young people - but toward a supposed higher level of education.


#15

You might want to do a google search. When we were first researching our decision to cyber school, the only Catholic based one that I could find was in Canada.

We went with one that has locations in most of the states. Its free, they supply the computer and printer, if need be. It included kindergarten through 12th grade. Tons of field trips for social interaction, and after school clubs as well.


#16

I’m not really too concerned about convincing anybody of anything…I’m really not in the mood to argue with people about it. But I do want to try and figure out the best way to answer people that simply clarifies my decision but closes the door on further argument, kwim? It’s a tightrope walk with some people.

I think the thing that is bothering me…and maybe I just needed to vent a bit, is that it seems that the people who reacted badly don’t feel that ***I ***am capable of doing this…like I’m incompetent or something. Does that make sense?

Maybe deep down I’m afraid that they are right?

It’s hard to handle the reactions at the same time that I’m kind of freaking out myself after mailing the proper notifications and the kids missing the first week of school and I’m secretly asking myself “oh boy, WHAT did I just do!!! Am I crazy?!” and then family members are asking the same questions…oh boy. I guess I just have a lot of fears right now that I made a big mistake and “what if I fail”. It kind of makes it hard to re-assure the doubters when I’m having the same doubts myself.


#17

here is a web site

I haven’t heard much about it though


#18

Oh and it feels REALLY weird right now because the girls just went outside to play. I almost was tempted to tell them to hide in the back yard, lol.


#19

The first year is always the hardest. I remember that feeling of wanting to tell the kids to hide when we should have been doing school. That will go away adventually.

As far as worring if “they” might right about us not being able to teach them, we need to remember that yes they are right we not able to teach them everything, BUT neither are the public/private schools. Who knows a child better than his parents? Who loves the child better than his parents? And who has been the childs first teacher since day one? We are not perfect parents and we will not be perfect teachers, but that should never stop us from doing it, because if we are truly listioning to God’s will we will be fine. Much pray during the day also helps.:wink:


#20

In all honesty, I wouldn’t go about it in this manner. Are public/catholic schools perfect, no. Are there many people who go to these schools who excel academically, athletically, socially and morally? Yes, especially if they have dedicated parents.

I think the best path is just indicating you’re comfortable with the decision and believe it’s best from your kids, without making it appear a jugement on those who take a different path. Very few decisions like this are black and white perfect, and we have to make the best choices of imperfect decisions. It would be great if we could all go to school with a collection of saints, parented by saints and taught by saints. It would be great if we could all work at the perfect saintly trouble, etc. But in reality, we all need to make the right decision for our family, church, community.


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