Hi I was wonering if I, being a bisexual (mainly homosexual attractions) person with only attractions (SSA) should be able to go to sleepovers with others of the same gender? my priest, when I asked him about this said it’s ok since I only have attractions and don’t want to do anything sexual. Also I’m going on an NYLC program for 5-6 days and I’ll probably be in a room with another guy; and in the spring I’ll be in paris and Barcelona, and being at an all boy Jesuit school, I’ll be rooming with another guy(s), would those situations be OK? I would never have any same-sex relations (I thing it’s gross) and wouldn’t let just temptation win me over when it comes to this, but still I’m worried if the Church says anything against this.
You are not alone. I, too, am bi-sexual. However, what it all boils down to is self-control. Can you stop yourself from coming onto another individual? If you can’t, then perhaps you shouldn’t go, at least, not until you’ve had some kind of counseling from a well-trusted priest. Then, decide where to go from there.
Personally, if it were me, it wouldn’t matter. I’ve been in a place with only girls for three months under very stressful conditions, and I didn’t do anything to another girl.
Ask God for guidance. If not God, then Jesus. If not Jesus, then ask Mother Mary to pray for you. You would be surprised how God answers prayers. Believe it, or not, it really does work.
The Church teaches that as long as you don’t act on the feelings, it’s ok.
So sleepovers are ok as long as you don’t do anything, and from what you wrote, it doesn’t seem like you are going to do anything…So have fun and don’t worry.
I’m pretty sure I can control myself. The only thing I’ll have maybe trouble with is getting attracted to my roommates, and obviously I’ll have to control myself - like changing privately in the bathroom or something (I prefer doing that anyway, it just makes me feel more comfortable).
However, I will pray to God for guidance and courage, and probably my Confirmation saint, st. Blaise.
No, I haven’t had any kind of counseling by a priest other than a few saying I’m called to live a celibate life. Like I said I have never thought of having any kind of intercourse with another person, and it’s just the possibilty I might get attracted to my roomates and if I stare at them too long (I’ll try my best not to-it most likely won’t happen) I might get an erection.
I go to an all-boys Jesuit school (the decision was made before I decided I had bisexual attractions-mainly homosexual ones), so yeah I’ve had a lot of attractions there, but they never caused an erection (that I can remember). I sometimes need to control myself when it come to attractions- but it would take really long to get one.
Like we had Freshmen retreat in February and had to sleep in a classroom overnight. I was pretty attracted to my retreat leader, but no matter how much I looked at him, I never got an erection, and at times - when needed - I just controlled myself well not to get carried away with anything. I had no problem at all when it came to sleeping with other guys in the room, so I think I’ll be OK.
I know that this can’t be easy for you. I will be praying for you.
Don’t worry about it. I’m pretty sure you’re going to meet a whole load of other males in your life. Like most heterosexual people, you’re simply not going to find every single person you meet attractive in that way! And even if you do, chances are, since the incidence of homosexual inclination in the population is probably no more than 5% at best, you’ll be unlikely to be rooming with someone who’s going to a: be similarly inclined, and b: even if so, is necessarily going to find you attractive anyway.
You are, wisely, going to practise modesty in private situations (I’d recommend that to anyone, so you’re on a roll here already).
The Church recognises the trials that having homosexual inclinations can pose - it is, after all, a rare occurence in the grand scheme of things (which is why it’s called ‘objectively disordered’ - not as a put down, but simply the ‘natural order’ is that the human race is heterosexual and that’s what you’d almost certainly expect upon meeting any random person)… The Church understands that you’ll be less likely to be able to marry and have the blessings of marriage and children and understands that this is a cause for sadness for you and everyone else who cares about you. Like all people who are unmarried, the chaste life (i.e. not being sexual with people) is what you’re called to live. And you’ve already accepted that… so look, you’re on a roll again
There’s nothing to suggest you should limit your normal interactions with people of the same gender. How would you exist in the world if you did? You can hardly go and live in a cave, can you?
Simply cultivate ‘disinterested friendships’ - by which the Church means friendships based on mutual interest and support and leaving out the physical bits that men and women would do. I get the feeling you’re in your teens, so doing this will certainly show you as healthily mature for your age. It’ll get you credit in many areas and people will probably see you as the “go to guy” when they’re having problems. And nothing is so affirming as people seeking your counsel.
Enjoy your trips. I’ve been to Paris. I can tell you it’s wonderful. Barcelona is great too, so I’ve heard. I’ll bet, no matter who you room with, you’ll be so overwhelmed with all those new things you’ll see, any other issues won’t occur to you.
Have fun and stop worrying. You’ll do fine.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.