The question of whether there’s some absolute determinism about sexual orientation has been discussed on other threads, btw. Science has not discovered a “gay gene.” There is no evidence of that. What there is evidence of, and has been for quite awhile (several books on this), is that male and female brains tend to be constructed differently, within a normative spectrum for a male and a (different) normative spectrum for a female. Some females and some males exhibit brain-wiring slightly, or greatly, outside the norm for their gender spectrum. However, those gender aberrations are not necessarily related to sexual orientation, preference, or behavior, and importantly, they are not determinant of it.
Sexuality is not “inborn” and “unchangeable.” Sexuality develops over time in human development, from infancy to and through adolescence. Tendencies which align themselves to attraction develop over time, depending on how those potential attractions are responded to by others, and how other (contrary) attractions are not responded to, given opportunity to flourish, etc. Sexuality is very fluid in the early stages. And just because we “can’t remember” when we “decided” (or “knew”) we “felt” heterosexual or homosexual, does not mean that therefore that orientation was definitively inborn. Our ultimate path is complex and largely unconscious. That does not mean that it is fixed, let alone inborn. Most often, what male homosexuals especially report was that they remember they were “different” as young boys. But in this country, unfortunately the “difference” becomes an artificial dividing line for sexual identity which is unnecessary and actually unfair.
Infants are essentially asexual or pan-sexual. The sexuality takes form over time – a result of validation, experimentation, and exposure. Mental health professionals who have studied homosexuality, as well as a strong percentage of male homosexuals themselves, report dissatisfaction with the father figure as one of the key elements that “formed” them into homosexuals. To me, it’s perfectly logical. In this country especially (as opposed to some other cultures), gender roles & expectations are more narrow, with expectations especially by fathers (but sometimes by mothers, too) that men behave in certain ways and do not behave in other ways. In cultures where gender roles are allowed to be more fluid, and lacking in punishment & rejection, the rate of homosexual orientation is considerably lower. I believe a poster on CAF posted the study, which I then read, but don’t have the link to it.
There was a great program on Women of Grace tonight about this very subject, as well as some of the things I have mentioned. Monica Breaux brought up a lot of the current research, as well as some of the recent admissions by the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. One of the realities that was stressed tonight was that homosexuality is a reaction sometimes to limited choices, sometimes to early experiences, and often to wounds.
All of this does not address the OP’s question, I realize. Tonight’s WOG program did address it slightly, in that, despite the popular mythology, it is possible, without mental violence, to transform someone who has adopted the gay lifestyle into a whole, integrated person who does not identify his humanness as equal with his sexuality. But the thing is, it is slow and painful. Not overnight, not spontaneous. Because underlying it all is for the person to come to understand that the non-normative sexual lifestyle he or she has chosen is a reaction to wounds. That is central to all psychology & psychiatry: recognizing the wounded roots of unhealthy behavior, and no less so in this case.