[quote="coolduude, post:1, topic:204174"]
Sorry if this has been discussed recently :(.
Anyway, can there be too much honesty in a (boyfriend/girlfriend) relationship?
For example, should I openly confess to my girlfriend if I slip, fall, and look at stuff I shouldn't? Now I'm trying pretty hard to avoid that stuff, but I'm only human.
Secondly, should my girlfriend tell me every detail that makes her feel guilty? (ie, seeing a topless guy in a movie, etc.)
I looked this up on the Internet, but I wanted a religious, Catholic response. Not a secular one.
Thanks for the help,
By the way- ask for details if needed.
The Catholic response is that when we sin confession is highly encouraged if the sin is venial and mandatory if it is mortal. Other than your confessor, though, you need only tell those people who are likely to be helpful in avoiding the sin in the future, and who are unlikely to be harmed by your disclosure. Harm might include either hurt feelings on their part or the temptation to rash judgment or gossip. In other words, we have confessors to tell our sins to, in order that we may spare others when that is the least harmful course of action.
I would look at the appropriate level of honesty within marital or courting relationships in light of those goals: that is, in the balancing of avoiding future sin, sparing your partner hurt, and maintaining trust between the two of you. Some women will not take your struggles personally, and would feel more hurt if you did not confide. Some will be helpful in helping you decide how to deal with your struggles. Some would trust you less if they found you didn't tell. Some would rather you do everything in your power to avoid these sins, but that you not report your falls to anyone other than your confessor. It isn't a fault to not want to hear your partner's every fault.
Some women treat it as a betrayal when you're even tempted, which really isn't fair, because they put their partners in a no-win situation. Yes, we all want to be perfect, but what if we are tempted not to be? To some extent, you have to judge for yourself how much of your own inner life to disclose.
You are allowed to discern yourself what is appropriate. In the end, I think that each partner usually decides for himself or herself, and, if asked, is honest about what his or her general policy is. I think it is best to promise to confess falls in confession at the very least, when these things aren't going to be disclosed to the partner. In practice, it is something that each couple works out, and with some amendments along the way, as experience teaches what works best. This is, however, something that partners have found a way to differ about without it being a deal-breaker. It just depends.