Honeymoon question!


#1

For those of you who didn't have sex until you were married, did that influence your choice of a honeymoon destination? My fiance and I had been thinking of going to Italy and Greece, both places I have never been, but I am nervous that I won't really be interested in "seeing the sights." :o

I would just hate to feel that I "missed" parts of Italy--especially in Rome!--, and I'm a huge sight-see-er! On previous trips to other countries, I have stayed out all day walking around town, finding little bistros, etc. But I know that when my dearest and I have time to be intimate, I'll want to not only be intimate, but also lay around in bed in my pjs reading books with him, relaxing in our skivvies, etc.--things we don't permit ourselves to do now (because of the clothing we do those activities in, not because of the activities themselves!!).

We live in the southern US and I've been to a lot of the islands in the Atlantic, so I'm just wondering if we ought to save ourselves the travel time/money and just hit up St. Lucia, or St. Barts--someplace where we could enjoy some day excursions if we wanted, but wouldn't feel bad about just staying in...

Any of y'alls perspectives or advice on what you did would be great! Thanks!


#2

I don't have any experience with honeymoons, we had a weekend away in the mountains. But I would say if you want to travel to another country, don't worry about missing anything! You will have the energy for sightseeing! Just do what you want to do. You have the rest of your married lives to lay around in your pjs nuzzling each other.

:thumbsup::blush::D


#3

We waited until our wedding night, and that did influence our decision for honeymoon greatly!

See, we went on a cruise. It was perfect for us. We got to visit many different locations, but we had a lot of down time to spend in our room. That way, we got to see a lot of everything, experience first-class dining, and have all the alone time we wanted without missing anything.

It was wonderful, romantic, and perfect. I reccomend it for everyone, but then again, I am biased!


#4

My husband and I have been married for 31 years. We married when we were 21 and 22, and we were virgins when we married. We dated for six years before we got married.

I would recommend a cheap honeymoon close to home at a relaxing place that doesn't have a whole lot to do but lay around and relax, perhaps a State Park resort (with modern accomodations and a great restaurant).

You will be exhausted (sometimes actually ill) and emotional (often let down) after all the excitement of your wedding. I can't imagine dashing from this major event into a major tour of a famous tourist destination.

You need time to get comfortable with each other in the marriage bed. If you are in a tourist spot, you will be able to "avoid" each other and avoid having deep conversations and experimenting with the marriage bed because you'll feel obligated to "get your money's worth" and go see all the tourist attractions.

This means that if you are having any kind of sexual issues, you'll be able to brush them under the rug and ignore them during the honeymoon. Hopefully you took care of issues like money, children, family, jobs, chores, housing, etc. during your courtship/engagement. But sex--well, hopefully you DIDN'T take care of those issues during courtship! The honeymoon is the time to start figuring things out about sex and discovering how to do it. Take care though--it's NOT the time to get everything perfect! Far from it--sex is a lifelong learning experience.

Save the big trip for a 1 year anniversary trip or another anniversary. For your honeymoon, find a nice, quiet place nearby (and don't tell ANYONE from your family or circle of friends where you are staying, or they will show up!). You can find such nice places either out in the middle of nowhere, or in the big city if that's your preference for relaxation. I'm sure that lots of people on this forum can suggest nice places near you if you feel inclined to give a general locale (without giving away any private info).


#5

We got married a little over a month ago. We chose to go kind of touristy for our honeymoon. We dated for 6 years, both virgins. We went out to the East Coast, Philadelphia and then Bethany Beach DE where my husband's uncle let us use their condo on the beach.

I'll just say, we didn't miss out on anything due to spending time being intimate. But that's just us I guess.

I'd say go where ever you two want.


#6

:thumbsup:I second Cat's recommandation and find your question a very good one: indeed, save the "big trip of your life" for another time than your honeymoon. If you plan to start having kids soon, then you may just schedule said big trip 3 months after the wedding so that you would still be able to make it.

As for us, we're French, so got married in France, and we had thought about Iceland for our honeymoon. But we switched to Scotland precisely because we didn't want to find ourselves somewhere where we would think "oh, if we don't see that and that instead of lying around enjoying being married, we'll never get a chance to see them again in our lifetime":shrug:. Neither did we want to have to get up early in order to be able to make special excursions. Moreover, it IS true that you will be exhausted after all the wedding preparation and wedding stress.:cool:

So it just depends on your means and your plans for the future (kidswise)
- as for us, we knew we wouldn't start TTC for quite a long time after being married, so there would be plenty of time to make big trips. So we didn't schedule anything else after our honeymoon, and chose a 10 day honeymoon in the Highlands, with beautiful landscapes, where we were able to alternately wander around hand in hand in the sun, stop every few minutes to admire the gorgeous sceneries (or to kiss), visit 1 or 2 castles, lie around in cosy B&Bs, eat (a LOT !), sleep, laugh and talk watching a few episodes from the "Friends" series while it was raining outside. Basically, we had the opportunitty for some sightseeing, and indeed did some, but nothing compelled us to do it and we could decide on a day-to-day basis what we wanted to do without feeling guilty for "missing things". We knew we would have every opportunity to come back later, with or without kids (in fact, I'm now planning our big comeback for next summer !);).
The good thing, too, was that there was still enough to do if we had found ourselves in the fertile time of NFP and had needed to keep ourselves a bit busier... :D Thank God, we didn't.
- if you plan to have kids soon and would like to make a big trip a few months after your wedding while you're still just the 2 of you, then follow Cat's advice: a short, inexpensive honeymoon in a beautiful, secluded room in a close place with not much to do except some nice restaurants and a few romantic strolls. :)

Enjoy your time !

Edit: I have to edit because rereading Cat's post, it's just so spot on !!! everything she says here is very, very true, especially this :

[quote="Cat, post:4, topic:218556"]
You need time to get comfortable with each other in the marriage bed. If you are in a tourist spot, you will be able to "avoid" each other and avoid having deep conversations and experimenting with the marriage bed because you'll feel obligated to "get your money's worth" and go see all the tourist attractions.

This means that if you are having any kind of sexual issues, you'll be able to brush them under the rug and ignore them during the honeymoon. Hopefully you took care of issues like money, children, family, jobs, chores, housing, etc. during your courtship/engagement. But sex--well, hopefully you DIDN'T take care of those issues during courtship! The honeymoon is the time to start figuring things out about sex and discovering how to do it. Take care though--it's NOT the time to get everything perfect! Far from it--sex is a lifelong learning experience.

[/quote]


#7

I guess I just really think it depends on your situation. The honeymoon isn't necessarily the time to figure sex out for everyone. We were in my fertile stage for just about all of our honeymoon so we abstained for most of it. I don't feel as though we missed out on some great sex or something. I mean, we have the rest of our lives for that. :shrug:


#8

definitely
any place private not too expensive, with a bed in it
when DH went to reserve the room at a hotel near his house he saw his aunts checking into the same hotel
needless to say we went some place else
the next day on the drive to our new home borrowed car broke down and we spent the second night in the basement of a church somewhere off one of the exits the Ohio turnpike, muey romantico
FIL gave us a portable TV as a wedding present so when we did finally make it home the remainder of the time until we went back to work and school was spent watching football (it was New Years weekend).

if you have a chance to go to Italy, Greece, even Hawaii, take it. Please check out the climate wherever you go

our actual "honeymoon" was to Niagara falls when I was 7 mos. preg with #2. In February (off season)

you don't have to learn all there is to know about sex the first night or even the first year. that is why marriage lasts 50 years or more, there is always more to learn


#9

I do agree with you BrokenFortress: there are circumstances, and the most frequent will be if honeymoon and fertile time coincide, where it is just not possible to start learning sex at this precise moment.
But Cat has a point: IF there is no such obstacle to sex, it may be better to avoid putting any further obstacle, because this may lead to some resentment.
Not being able to have sex with your spouse during your honeymoon because you're fertile is one thing, and there is hardly any risk one spouse would resent the other for this (provided both are equally on board with NFP).
But feeling that having sex with you is less important to your spouse than sightseeing, at a time where being a beginner leads easily to some sort of insecurity, that may lead to some resentment.


#10

I am SO glad we did not do a big honeymoon right after the wedding. After the expenses of immigration for my husband from England, moving him across an ocean, and the wedding, it's not something we were in a position to do financially anyway. AND, we were just so happy to finally BE together and not 3,000 miles apart, we didn't really care where we were. We also waited for our wedding night. So - we stayed two nights in the hotel where our reception was held, and then just took a week from work for a "mini-moon" at home, going to festivals in the fall, sleeping in, and just being together. It was perfect, and I would never change a thing. :)

We went to England for two weeks for our first anniversary - we were more comfortable with each other, traveling was causal, and we had a fantastic time.

I highly recommend the big trip for the first anniversary - it just makes so much more sense to me, especially for couples who have not lived together prior to marriage. Spend those first few precious days together in the home (and bed) you will build your lives together in, or at least doing something that is not a constant rush everyday.

~Liza


#11

My DH and I purposefully chose a location that didn't have a lot of tourist sites to visit (or had ones that we could easily avoid without feeling disappointment) nor had scuba diving. We ended up going to Playa del Carmen, Mexico and were really thankful for it. It was basically a week of no plans so whenever we got up in the morning, we did what we felt like until we went to bed at whatever time we felt like. We were both so stressed from all the wedding planning and moving (we, well he, bought a house and moved into it right before the wedding and then I moved into the house the Sun/Mon after the wedding and before the Tues honeymoon) that we needed a week of downtime.

I will say that if you've been to Mexico and haven't gotten sick then I recommend this place to anyone. We, unfortunately, got ill at the end of the trip which gave us a different two last days than what we'd expected. It also meant we got very up close and personal as a married couple right off the bat. :D A few embarrassing moments but looking back we agree that it was nice in a way to get over those 'issues' early in the marriage rather than working through them for weeks/months on end.


#12

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