Honor thy father and mother


Hello, my step-daughter called me,very upset,her bio-mother had just called and again,which has been going on for years was verbally abusing her,she has been praying for the HOLY SPIRIT'S guidance,regarding how she can honor her mother,when she doesn't treat her as a daughter and hasn't for about 35yrs,my step-daughter is 45 yrs.old.She was basically raised by my x-husband and myself,since Jacqui was about 10yrs,old and her bio-mother has never forgiven her for leaving her home to live with us.Jacqui has tried everything to try to get close to her mother and to no avail,she continues to pray about it, and for her mother,now she has asked me to try and find out how to end this madness,which is really hurting her mentally and physically,but wants to stay out of sin,which requires her to honor her mother.I hope some one can help me find an answer to her question.
thank you
Yours in CHRIST


Honoring your father and mother is a key commandment. However, honoring does not necessarily mean you have to get close to them.

"how she can honor her mother,when she doesn't treat her as a daughter and hasn't for about 35yrs,my step-daughter is 45 yrs.old"
If contacting her mother causes her mother to become abusive and angry then maybe it is time to stop attempting to contact her. This mother for whatever reason does not appear to be capable of returning love. We don't know why, but the anger being expressed is because she does not like who she is, what she has done in life and how she sees how life has treated her. In short, there may be some mental problems here. We need not tortue ourselves by trying to make a relationship where one cannot exist because of the other person. I would say that she can honor her mother by remembering her in prayer. She can honor her by keeping discreet watch on her to see if her mother needs anything and providing it without fanfare if possible. There are so many things that can be done without confronting this person that she can really love her mother without having to accept the abuse that she currently recieves. We are to honor our mother and father, but we do not have to submit to tortue to do so,

Really pray and really love from a distance and I think that you will have satisfied the requirements. Who knows, maybe prayer and distance will serve to water this relationship and cause it to flower.

Please, I am not a trained counselor, you may wish to consult one, but the above is what I would do in this situation. Pray to Mary, your real Mother and ask for her intercession that healing may eventually come to this relationship.

God Bless and Keep You!


This is my opinion. I am not a counseler, and I am not a Priest or Nun or psychologist.

First of all, no one can tell your step-daughter what to do. She has to come to that on her own.

That said,I think that when in an abusive relationship, you need to find a balance between protecting yourself and hurting the other person. Abuse is never acceptable in a relationship, and it will affect your step-daughter's relationshoips and will follow her a long time. I was taught that respect is something that is earned, and can't be demanded.

I have no idea why she continues to see her mother as long as her mother is hurting her.
If your step-daughter is being physically and emotionally abused by her mother, I would stop seeing her and it's as simple as that. Not seeing her will eliminate the abuse, as well as any temptation to be disrespectful.

IMOHO, her mother lost her honor a long time ago. Your step-daughter can honor her mother by praying for her, avoiding fighting with her by not seeing her, and forgiving her when and if she changes.

Love is unconditional, but one does not need to be subject to abuse by the hands of another....

My father was very abusive. I kicked him out myself when I was 18. I haven't seen him in over 20 years. I have no idea if he's alive or dead. However, if he would have stopped being abusive and straightened himself out, I would have forgave him.


Thank you both for the thoughtful suggestions,I will pass these along to my step-daughter,and she can make a more informed decision.:thumbsup:
GOD bless Bubbie-Dianne


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