Honor Thy Father - Even when he's evil?


#1

My question about the 4th Commandment - what does God intend for us when he says to honor thy father and mother? What if they are physically/mentally abusive with little hope for improvement? My guess is that we are to try to make the best of the situation at all costs, but how does one honor a “jerk” - so to speak? How would one go about ‘honoring’ a bad parent?

My wife’s paternal grantmother was a real mean and dirty person, even as a parent to her adult children. She picked favorites, pitted relatives against eachother, caused rifts, was dissmissive to any one’s counter opinion. Does a person like this derserve to be honored? How would one honor someone like her?


#2
  1. Love them. Which means desiring the best for them
  2. Pray for them.
  3. Do not speak ill of them.

What if they are physically/mentally abusive with little hope for improvement?

See above. If in physical danger, remove yourself from it.

My guess is that we are to try to make the best of the situation at all costs, but how does one honor a “jerk” - so to speak? How would one go about ‘honoring’ a bad parent?

See above.

My wife’s paternal grantmother was a real mean and dirty person, even as a parent to her adult children. She picked favorites, pitted relatives against eachother, caused rifts, was dissmissive to any one’s counter opinion. Does a person like this derserve to be honored? How would one honor someone like her?

Yes. See above.


#3

Its not whether she deserves it, its whether God deserves to have his commandment honoured. I would therefore have to say yes, there is no question.


#4

Maybe, maybe not. But God deserves to be obeyed.

From the Catechism:
III. THE DUTIES OF FAMILY MEMBERS

The duties of children

2214 The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood; this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.

2215 Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from gratitude toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. “With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?”

2216 Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience. “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. . . . When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.” “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.”

2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

2218 The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.

O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.

2219 Filial respect promotes harmony in all of family life; it also concerns relationships between brothers and sisters. Respect toward parents fills the home with light and warmth. “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged.” “With all humility and meekness, with patience, [support] one another in charity.”

2220 For Christians a special gratitude is due to those from whom they have received the gift of faith, the grace of Baptism, and life in the Church. These may include parents, grandparents, other members of the family, pastors, catechists, and other teachers or friends. “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you.”

– Mark L. Chance.


#5

From Sirach 3:1-16:

Children, pay heed to a father’s right; do so that you may live. For the LORD sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons. He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother.

He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard. He who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the LORD who brings comfort to his mother. He who fears the LORD honors his father, and serves his parents as rulers.

In word and deed honor your father that his blessing may come upon you; For a father’s blessing gives a family firm roots, but a mother’s curse uproots the growing plant. Glory not in your father’s shame, for his shame is no glory to you! His father’s honor is a man’s glory; disgrace for her children, a mother’s shame.

My son, take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him; revile him not in the fullness of your strength. For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, it will serve as a sin offering–it will take lasting root. In time of tribulation it will be recalled to your advantage, like warmth upon frost it will melt away your sins.

A blasphemer is he who despises his father; accursed of his Creator, he who angers his mother.


#6

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