My question is how can I forgive my parents as I feel God would want me to do and let them back into my life, (note that this is not the first time I have for gave them for troubling the life of my family and me) when I know they are a bad influence on my children. I want to raise my children in the eyes of God as I see it, but how can I if I do not teach them to forgive and forget. I can do this (forgive them that is) but I would be letting a poison back into my life that I know has the power to destroy it?
This does not have to be an “either/or” choice.
You can choose to forgive, but that does not mean that you have to let people back into your life, especially those that you may not be able to trust to not hurt you again, even when they are your parents.
I concur. The best way you can honour them is pray for them. I will also pray for assistance you might need or forgiving them.
My dear Jesus, before the Trinity, Our Heavenly Mother, and the whole Heavenly Court, united with Your Most Precious Sacred Blood and Your sacrifice on Calvary, hereby I offer my whole life to the intention of Your Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Together with my life I place at Your disposal all Holy Masses, all my Holy Communions, all my good deeds, all my sacrifices, and the sufferings of my entire life for the adoration and supplication of the Holy Trinity, for unity in our Holy Mother Church, for the Holy Father and for priests, for good priestly vocations, and for all souls until the end of the world. O my Jesus, please accept my life sacrifice and my offerings and give me Your grace that I may persevere obediently until my death.
**The Five Promises of our Heavenly Mother to those who offer this prayer
with humble heart, firm resolution and clear intent
“Their name will be written in the hearts of Jesus and Mary, inflamed by love.”
“Their life offerings, together with the infinite merits of Jesus, can save many souls from damnation.”
“None of their family members will go to hell, even if it seems otherwise, because they will receive in the depths of their souls the graces of sincere contrition before the soul departs from their bodies.”
“On the day they offer their lives, their loved ones suffering in Purgatory will be released.”
“I will be with them in the hour of their deaths. They will not know Purgatory. I will carry them in their souls straight to the presence of the Glorious Trinity, where they will live with me in a special place created by God and will rejoice forever.”
God Bless you and your children!!
Forgive them, and then tell them that they are no longer welcome in your home because of their bad behavior. This may get nasty, and they may try to put you on a guilt trip, but stay strong.
I did not vote in the poll because, like other posters, I find the premise of the poll itself to be in error. As far as I know, “forgiving” someone does NOT mean one is obligated to act as if whatever sins they committed never happened, and it certainly does NOT mean you’re obligated to give them a chance to hurt you again.
And although I suppose you COULD make a case from Scripture that this is what forgiveness means, I still can’t think of any justification for giving the parents a chance to hurt YOUR children. I mean, what if the parents had sexually abused you? Would you still give them access to your children? I’d hope not.
I want to explain a little better to my post but I will try not to drone on but I can’t help this might be long.
I am not perfect and neither is my wife we have both made mistakes but we still love eachother we have been married for almost seven years. together for ten. my mother and father are seperated. My father remarried. At the begininng of our relationship (that is my wife and I) my father mother and stepmother did not want us to be together for reasons that they seen infront of them because at this point they did not know her. I think mainly because she had a child. I was ok with her having a child I felt I was doing a good deed because I knew what it was like to grow up not always having my dad around. To explain my parents its like this my father and stepmother are alcohlics and when I lived with him growing up at 15(because my mother kicked me out) they would often fight their parenting was not thier as they most of the time didnt even seem to care that I was drinking myself soon after I droped out of school (they gave me no guidence) it seemed I was more in their way of their lifestyle. My mother on the other hand was the complete opposite she was to strict. If I were to get out of hand it would often result in me getting the belt (I know this is comin when I was young but I do not belive this is the way) It left its mark on me mentally thats why I would not practices this. One of the most messed up things she did was dragging me down the stairs naked (only after ripping of my clothes) and then locking me outside. Trust me what I did to desire this was bad in equal but this was not the way to handle it. As a parent you must show good teaching skills that they can learn from and teach their own.
My wife was so hated by my parents that this is a list of things that they did onto her
Hired a ex girlfriend to break us up - stepmother
broke down my door and (stepmother) pyhsically attacked my wife (bringinng her to the ground) as my father got in my face calling me names until I attacked him.
On my wedding day my mother refused to be happy for us. She showed up with a sour face and arms crossed her boyfriend at the time told me to run. As I approached her to burry the hatch and give her a hug she backed away, she then told my mother-in-law (after my mother-in-law told her how proud she was of me) that she wishes she could be proud of me but shes not.(In affect this hurt me the most out of any little thing anyone has done to me)
This is not everything of course because I could be here all day.
After everything that my family had done to us I think something finally snapped inside my wife.
What she did was bad. As things were on their way to getting better with my mother my wife did something I would have never expected her to do, she stole something that held great value to my mother, some of her jewlery. To make matters worse she pawned it. Trust me when I say that I was a little more then upset at her. This finally gave my family what they needed to destroy her but not only did my mother ruin her life she was about to attack us all.
My mother is the defination of a cop caller this was perfect for her. My opinion on cop calling is simple. DON’T DO IT! at least not on your own family. It can ruin your life to have a crimnel charge on your record. Of course if your life is being threatened then yes do but when it comes to family hand your own.
She not only had my wife arrested but she targeted my kids and my father-in-law who had been living with me. One night the cops entered my home with DCYF claiming their was neglect of my children they found nothing but arrested my wife and filaw because of a warrent that was of a bill he had not paid.
My five year old did not understand this and thought that they were never coming back.
She then contacted her job and because of the charge she had her fired. This left us hurt for money. All of these reporcutions hurt my children. This was unfair in my eyes.
At this point I’ll leave you to deciede whats right as I have been struggling with myself to give ethier of them a chance
To paraphrase what others have said…
Forgiveness does not mean putting up with atrocious behaviour.
You have a responsibility to your wife and child to protect them, and that includes protecting them from this.
You have a responsibility, in charity, to forgive your parents. But you have no responsibility to put up with their abuse. Forgiveness is an internal attitude you hold; that you choose not to resent them for past abuse; it does not require submission to further abuse. Whether you attempt to maintain any sort of relationship with them is a different, and more difficult, question.
Perhaps a good chat with your priest will help you clear you head in all this?
Thank you all for your advice it has helped me and I will seek the advise of my priest in this matter.
May GOD bless you all!
Just to add my 2 cents to what others have said:
according to your description of past events, your parents have been off-the-wall dysfunctional.
You should pray for them daily, but not let them around your children unless you see clear signs of serious change in their lives. Not a simple apology. Personally I would never let them be around any children until the children were grown and able to choose for themselves.
You are to be commended for your desire to be kind, but this is a case when the children must be protected. You might consider a restraining order to protect yourselves in case the police are called again.