[quote="Monicad, post:12, topic:251423"]
Dear Kouyate, it seems some of the problems you have are somewhat typical of a young person's relationship with their parents. This does not make them easy necessarily, nor does it mean you should not try and change things for the better. Still please know that you are not alone.
I am not certain reading your post if your family raised you with the expectation to attend university because they loved you and wanted a better life for you, or whether they forced to to do something you didn't want to do. As a parent myself, I realize there can be a fine line between "encouraging" and "pushing." I hope that if your parents are good people
that you can see them fairly, both the good and bad.
Fact is that particularly with regard to university, I wouldn't have minded too much about this if it hadn't been so insistant from that young an age as to what I was 'supposed' to do. If I'd been older, say 9,10 years old, then I could have understood and wouldn't likely have cared.
I was always identified as a bright kid at school and was in a lot of top classes, and I think that with regard to university, it was likely that they were trying to look out for my interests in some way, but I feel that this original reasoning got increasingly distorted.
The part of your post that leads me to beleive that you may be not completely, but slightly over-the-top in your emotional reactions is how you described your interest in the bass guitar. In your post you said that you feel you have missed any opportunity to do anything music-wise. Okay, please be realistic and fair...until you are dead and buried it is not too late to sing, dance, learn music or anything! Were you discouraged in playing the kind of music you wanted? Probably. Are you disappointed? Yes. Have you missed any opportunity to do anything music-wise? I think you know the true answer to that, but you are upset so it may be hard to see.
It's not just about the bass though. ANYTHING which didn't suit their ideas and wishes was completely and utterly vetoed and condemned. When I was younger in particular, I relied on parents and family for money, transport and other practicalities, and so they also held that power over me too.
I was never allowed to 'try' anything just to see if I enjoyed or was any good at it. For my idiotic family it was a lifetime commitment or nothing. Coupled with pre-conceptions on what I should/shouldn't do, and it served to make me miserable.
I take your point that we have a lifetime to do stuff, but when you're 6 years old and carrying around such a pain, it can be very damaging.
To quote Level 42- ''every little thing I do is wrong'''.
Lastly, you say that the "people who are supposed to care are making my problems worse." Dear one this is true for all of us. In marriage, in friendship, in church, in parent-child relationships. We are all broken and sinful human beings, we hurt one another, a LOT. I would imagine you have hurt your family too. This does not make it right but you are not alone.
You are likely right.
Please turn to God as much as you can. I know you said you don't feel his love but he is there. I will pray for you, please take care as best as you can.
I will pray and hope for a solution to this problem.
[quote="Musician, post:13, topic:251423"]
This is actually pretty common. Parents make the mistake of thinking that THEY know what is best for their grown children instead of listening and supporting the adult child in decisions that are made.
Your parents probably do not mean to be insensitive. But you do need to set some boundaries with them. The next time they relate in conversation something you don't want to talk about, speak up!!! Be nice, but be firm. If they insist, say, "Okay, but I need to leave now." Then get up and leave. Seriously.
Don't waste time trying to get them to understand you; accept that they just won't get it and move on, but keep them in your lives if at all possible. I am positive that they really do love you (I have a 23 y.o. daughter myself and I greatly identify with this situation!) just not the way you need them to.
However, DON'T give up on life!!! I personally joined the military to get away from home and have some independence and I loved it!!
I had taken piano lessons as a child and in my twenties I picked it back up when I got a piano - within 2 years I was a professional musician. For heaven's sakes, don't give up on music. Besides, the bass guitar is just too easy to play to give up! ;) (I love playing bass!)
God LOVES you and wants you to be fulfilled and happy in your life. Seek His guidance through the Holy Spirit. Everything will work out if you do! :thumbsup:
I've done everything I can. I'm tired of going through the same thing over and over again, and they're not going to listen to me and TBH I don't want to listen to them either.
BTW, I am likely the world's worst bassist. :D