Honouring father and mother


#1

what does this actually mean?

do you have to have a good relationship with them?

or just not disrespect them?


#2

Let me preface this with the fact you are an adult, not a minor. Too many have been reading your other posts at face value, not realizing you are an adult dealing with a mother that has issues, so they keep repeating you must obey your parents without bothering to look at whom they are addressing and what you are dealing with.

Now, I tell you what it doesn’t mean- it does not mean that you to tolerate controlling or abusive behavior. It doesn’t mean you let your mom bully you into changing your college major because she thinks you need to. She had her opportunity to live her life and she needs to quit trying to control yours.

You have done your best to try and have a good relationship with her. Some people are just plain difficult and you, no matter how hard you try, are not going to please them. You still should love her, be kind to her, and be respectful, but that doesn’t mean letting her run all over you or threaten you.


#3

All of the above.
But God doesn’t expect us to be a doormat either. In cases where people are just intolerable to be around, it’s fine to be cordial, pray for them, and try to love them from afar.


#4

Honoring your parents does not necessarily mean that we are on good terms with them. It means that we respect their status as human beings who rank above us, creatures who have god-given authority over some other creatures.

Once one acquires spouse and children, he is no longer obligated to remain emotionally connected toward his parents.

Via genesis, God has decreed man to leave their parent’s house to form one body with their new spouse. This is literal: we are required to love our spouses much more than we love our parents.

In short, our parents are not one body with us. We are products of their sexual union, but we will not be underneath their authority for all of our lives.


#5

I was always connected emotionally to my parents because they were loving and kind to me, and deserved my gratitude and love in return.
If either had not been as such, and had abused and ill treated me, I’m sure God would have understood a situation that rendered them unworthy of being honoured and respected by me. However, I would hope that I would still pray for them, and if possible forgive them.

Its difficult to say what one would feel like unless its something you’re experiencing or have done so in the past.


#6

No, you don’t have to have a good relationship with your mother and father. You can try, but you aren’t in control of their actions and a relationship takes both sides. As an adult, you can show them respect and help them if they are in need, but you don’t even have to like them if they are mistreating you.


#7

:yup: I appreciate my parents too.

My words regarding marriage might seem irrelevant, but I was using it as a way to emphasize that parental love, although powerful, is not as nearly as important as some other aspects of love.

Our parents are our masters, yes, but they will not be our masters for the rest of their lives. They themselves seem to recognize this, as many of them actively encourage their children to leave the family homes when they come of age. Most parents seem *highly *distressed when they reflect on their fully grown children living under the same roof as they are.

In addition, there are some who testify how unproductive it is when parents attempt to interfere with the family lives of their married sons and daughters.

Our parents are our masters, not our friends. We are not obligated to be friendly toward them. Rather, we are obligated to make it easier for them to raise us up in the way we should go, so that when we are old, we won’t depart from it.

And if our parents won’t raise us up in the way we should go, so that when we are old, we won’t depart from it, then we are obligated, via god-given right, to detach ourselves from them at an earlier time. As you wisely said in your 2nd sentence, unloving parents don’t deserve much honor and respect. :thumbsup:


#8

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.