Hope you guys can help me


#1

Well you all know me well most of you and you know I wish to be a Carmelite nun and cant wait to be one but for a little time now I been having theis feeling that if I become a nun I wont have any one sometimes I think what kind of life is that no husband no kids but when I get out of that I think I am in love with love it self love can never die love could never hurt me love will love me no matter what I do, and I think so many girls have boyfriends and I dont have anything and sometimes I want a boyfriend I want everything they have go to the movies like them and do things that teens do but GOSH! why do I want that when I have friends I just cant see them they are the saints right? CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!


#2

I wanted to be a Carmelite nun for many years of my childhood.
In the end it wasn't what God wished.
I'm a mother of three sons.

Once in a while I would sometimes feel a sadness, but the Carmelite Prioress said to me, "but you are a Carmelite, though." I wasn't a Lay Carmelite at the time either. She meant in my prayer life perhaps.

You are young from what you say...and you have doubts, clearly...and if you entered it would not normally follow that you would become a Carmelite. A vocation is carefully discerned not only by the postulant or novice but also by the nuns and the superiors.

A vocation isn't something we can think ourselves into successfully if in fact our vocation is elsewhere. Neither holiness nor personal happiness is guaranteed either by vocation or by marriage. We can be desperately unhappy and excessively worldly in either if love is lacking in ourselves or others and if our hearts are not in God.

As regards the saints...take the Martin family. Yes, daughter Therese of Lisieux is a Saint of the Church...but last year her parents, Zelie and Louis Martin were canonised as Saints of the Church, a married couple. Holiness isn't only potential in Religious community, but also in the lay community.
It is also possible to be unholy in either vocation. And I'm married but the saints are my friends too! :)


#3

It sounds to me that you think you might as well be a nun since you don't have a boyfriend to love you like your friends and you think you never will be married! You might be surprised to learn that many, many young women go through this same line of thinking and experience. Most often, they do marry and have children. Don't worry. I am sure that you are a lovely person.

When I was a young girl I went from wanting to marry and have 12 children to wanting to be a nun. Well, I did not become a nun!

But if you feel you are being called by Our Lord, then my best advise to you is that you should speak with your Parish Priest and speak with a Carmelite Nun. Do both. Ask for their advise and do not hesitate to do so as quickly as possible. You will feel much better. Speak to more than one Priest or Nun.

God Bless.


#4

[quote="carmelitegirl93, post:1, topic:208363"]
Well you all know me well most of you and you know I wish to be a Carmelite nun and cant wait to be one but for a little time now I been having theis feeling that if I become a nun I wont have any one sometimes I think what kind of life is that no husband no kids but when I get out of that I think I am in love with love it self love can never die love could never hurt me love will love me no matter what I do, and I think so many girls have boyfriends and I dont have anything and sometimes I want a boyfriend I want everything they have go to the movies like them and do things that teens do but GOSH! why do I want that when I have friends I just cant see them they are the saints right? CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!

[/quote]

Hello CarmeliteGirl

Do you have a spiritual director, and if not it would be a good move to get one. It can be quite natural before actually entering religious life to have doubts about many things, including the things that one will be giving up. Sometimes even nuns and religious themselves can go through these same difficulties. I dont know how old you are, but this morning I received something in my Inbox that I thought was very true - it ran something like : young people have many distractions in today's world and their thoughts and desires go in all directions and if they could still all this they would discover that deep in their heart they want to follow The Lord and have a relationship with Him. To follow The Lord and have a deep and ongoing relationship with Him can occur not only in religious life - but at any and all points in your life and certainly in that state or vocation to which The Lord may be calling you.

You may be having these natural sort of doubts about what you would be leaving behind in religious life, or it may be that you do not have a vocation to the religious life. It may be something else. I think your wisest move is to consult a spiritual director.
Sometimes we can think that vocation is all about what we want - rather it is all about what God is calling you to for the rest of your life and it may take spiritual direction to sort it all out for you so that you can be in Peace, even if it is not quite clear just yet to what God is calling you. If you continue to see a spiritual director I am very confident that things will become clear to both you and to your director and probably through your director.

Religious life is certainly a beautiful life, but it is also a difficult one, many sacrifices to be made, difficulties, and many joys too. We sure see on the web many beautiful pictures of religious life including in videos and sometimes we can get a comletely romantic notion of religious life and this, I personally believe, can often be the first stirrings of a vocation and one just needs to mature a little either in the life itself or before entering and come to understand the place that difficulties and even sufferings have in all states and vocations, including religious life, in fact in all ways of life - and certainly in the spiritual life which is like the leaven of our lives no matter our vocation. We need to understand the place of The Cross in our lives and in the spiritual life. Spiritual direction.

But most important of all spend time in prayer asking The Lord to clear up all your confusions and doubts etc. so that you may follow Him and Him alone wherever and however He may be leading you. And never put a time limit on the answer - or hold and be attached to the answer you may desire and only that answer. Pray always, daily, and prayer is simply to raise your heart and mind to Him with simplicity. Pray as you can and not as you cannot.

God bless and I will keep you in prayer - TS


#5

[quote="carmelitegirl93, post:1, topic:208363"]
Well you all know me well most of you and you know I wish to be a Carmelite nun and cant wait to be one but for a little time now I been having these feelings that if I become a nun I wont have any one sometimes I think what kind of life is that no husband no kids but when I get out of that I think I am in love with love it self love can never die love could never hurt me love will love me no matter what I do, and I think so many girls have boyfriends and I dont have anything and sometimes I want a boyfriend I want everything they have go to the movies like them and do things that teens do but GOSH! why do I want that when I have friends I just cant see them they are the saints right? CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!

[/quote]

I'm very sorry you're having some troubles in your discerment it's okay to feel this way my dear but don't dwell on your troubles instead Pray to know God's will for you. God's plans are better than our own.

Keep in mind you're not alone and you're never alone. Our Lord, Our Blessed Mother, Saints, and Angels are with you. You also have your Sisters with you and you won't be cut off entirely from your family.

You're not the only one who feels/felt this way check out the following website:

A Life from Prom Queen to Cloistered Nun

passionistnuns.org/vocationstories/findinglove/

When I was fist discerning I went on weekend retreats the Religious Sister there told us that she didn't want to be a Religious Sister, she had her wedding planned out, and everything and her best friend wanted to become a Religious Sister well guess who left with the wedding dress and remained a Sister? It's all for God.

Yes, I would agree talk to your Parish Priest and Carmelite Sisters -- be honest and tell them how you feel, that you have doubts, etc.

Talk to a spiritual director if your not sure on how to find one than ask your Parish Priest he'll help you out.

Ask your Parish about discernment weekend retreats

My dear if you think you won't have any fun being a Sister think again

youtube.com/watch?v=kyIjIUjW4F4

Just like any relationship there can be heartaches and disagreements in this video called "Eternal Love" check out what Mother says on 5:53-5:17 in this video

Part.1

youtube.com/watch?v=DoKqQQ9n3Bc

Part. 2

youtube.com/watch?v=6NA10Gq93jw

Part.3

youtube.com/watch?v=Yq5qhMVqibg

Carmelite Monastery
1785, boulevard du Carmel
Trois-Rivières (Québec)
G8Z 3R8 Canada G8Z 3R8 Canada

Téléphone: (819) 374-5303

Télécopie: (819) 374-7868

lecarmel.org/index.php


#6

As long as feelings are confused, now this, now that, it is not a good time to make an actual decision. But you can continue with the discerning process by consulting a priest, ideally a spiritual director whom you would see regularly. Speak to religious orders and also go on retreats. Also, a vocation to any state in life is perhaps moreso than what it can do for me, as what I have to offer that state in life - what I have to offer a religious order or community, congregation. It is both really. Very often superiors or formation directors can sort this out, help you do the discerning. Finally, it is about where God is calling one - and this is finalized/affirmed only with vows. Prior to that the discernment process is ongoing.
Someone else posted not to make a decision until you feel at Peace with it. Good advice. But vocations do not necessarily happen that way. I know of one religious who was a hairdresser and found she seemed to be constantly coming into contact with religious, so much so that she thought she should investigate though not really attracted to the life. She has probably been professed now very happily in her Order for over 50 years. God can write straight with very crooked lines. Hence there are no hard and fast rules and your very best move, to my mind, would be to seek a regular spiritual director, be that a priest, religious or layperson trained in spiritual direction. Find one you can invest your trust and confidence in and this may take a bit of searching and don't second guess them - unless of course you have reason to doubt them and in this case, then it is probably time to look for another director.
Remember too that if one's director affirms for you that you do have a vocation to a certain religious order - that religious order has complete freedom, and is not at all bound to a director's opinion, to accept or decline an application and I have heard of superiors being sent applicants by a director conviced that the person had a vocation to that Order but the superior thought otherwise. This could mean that there is no vocation, or simply that the particular Order or community was not indeed suitable.
The discernment process is a journey.

TS


#7

As a high school teacher, I understand your confusion and dilemma. Just think of how you will have so many new experiences in the next year when you enter college!! I'm not sure at what age you will enter the convent, but many orders prefer that their entering young women have a college degree before they enter, or at least be twenty-one or so. Enjoy your life right now and live every day and learn from all of your new experiences - life experience will only help you as a sister. I will pray that your prayers are answered!;)


#8

It is not a matter of “what you want to do”. It is a matter of what God is calling you to do. Spend time alone, listening to Him. Then after a month of this make a list of the Positive things about being a Carmelite and the Negative. and the same with being a mother. The list you look at and feel a deep peace inside of you, is where you belong. If it is motherhood, nowadays there are groups of women attached to the Carmelites, but living in the world as Professional people and mothers. Whatever your choice in the end is, don’t look back, be the best of whatever you are called to be–that will be your salvation! God is with you, reach out and take His Hand in complete confidence!!


#9

Amen, amen, say it again sister! That is one of the wiser statements I have read in a good long time.


#10

UPDATE: If you look closely the OP, posted this on Aug 8th, 2010, Sunday that’s 5 years ago and a lot has changed for this young woman…All I can and will say is I am truly happy for her :smiley:


closed #11

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