For the past few months, I have been struggling with a very difficult issue. Every time that I failed in any way, whether through human error, intentional or unintentional sin, or when any suffering or negativity occurred, it hurt me deep in my heart. I felt it in my entire being, and it made me angry, frustrated, and deeply sorrowful. That built up for those months, alongside my doubts about my faith and many other problems in life, until recently, when they broke through and flooded my mind with resignation and despair. I simply could not understand how to handle suffering and struggle. I recognized good things, but struggle consumed my view. I tried to answer it, in all ways, but I could not.
But there was one way I had not tried: facing it. After feeling the deepest emptiness I had felt in years, I decided to face it. I faced the fact that I will struggle, suffer, doubt and sin my entire life; that I will probably never physically see God; that others will suffer and have problems; that I will always have unanswered questions. But, I came to a realization: the answer is hope. I asked myself one question: do I believe that God will eventually repair the world of it’s negativity? And, I do believe that. I then realized that the faith St. Theresa spoke of, the faith that forms a castle around the heart and despite all suffering makes it impenetrable, is a faith based in hope. Once one believes in Christ’s salvation, to it’s fullest extent even to the ultimate repair of the entire world, then all else extends from that, including complete faith, love and morality, endurance of suffering, and all other virtues. That must be meditated upon, loved, adored, and cherished above all else: Christ’s salvation. That forms the faith from which hope comes, and the hope from which all else follows.
Hope does not remove suffering or struggle. It doesn’t answer all questions, or remove doubts or temptations in the mind. It doesn’t stop Satan, other people or yourself from causing these things. But it gives the ability to endure them with the certainty that one day, everything will be as it should be, and can only be so by God’s grace. With hope, everything will happen. Faith is not immediate; it builds over time. But faith starts with the belief in Christ’s salvation. From that comes belief and hope in all else, and from those comes love. It’s not easy; but it’s worth it. This realization saved my life, and I wanted to share it with everyone here. Please, pray for me in my faith-building, as I will pray for all of you, and I ask for the intercession of our Blessed Virgin Mother Mary in our prayers. God bless.