How am I supposed to deal with my confusion about sexuality?

I am a devout Catholic and I love my faith, but I’ve become confused about my sexuality. I have had very negative relationships with men, and decided that marriage is not for me a long time ago. The problem is that I have recently found myself attracted to a woman. I know it is morally wrong, but I can’t help my feelings. She has been through everything that I have and can relate to me, and I’m afraid that my emotions will lead me to sin before my conscience kicks in. I am meeting with my priest this Saturday, and hope that he can answer my questions, but wanted your help. Is what I’m feeling a mortal sin? How am I supposed to deal with it? Please send your answer and prayers.


Dear Anelle,

Feelings in themselves are morally neutral. Acting on them can be sinful. In this case, acting on them would very definitely be sinful. How are you supposed to deal with such feelings? Deal with them the way a married person deals with feelings of attraction to people other that his or her spouse. One just doesn’t go there in one’s mind. Most people find themselves attracted to others who are out of bounds for them at one time or another. The mature person simply doesn’t go there.

In your situation, it sounds that for you to be with this other woman would be an occasion of sin for you. Nothing is worth that! Your conscience is kicking in now. Pay attention to it!

I know that this is not what you want to hear—or better, read. You will be tempted to tell yourself that you are a good person and that God can’t expect you to live your life in loneliness. Certainly, our culture will back such reasoning. But our Savior did not suffer such torture and death for us to put Him second.

His love for you beats anything a human being can give. So long as we are willing to let Him into our daily life and spend quality time with Him, we can never be lonely. The real question here is not about whether we can do it or not, but whether we really WANT to do it.

I will remember you before the Blessed Sacrament tonight.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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