I am a 20YO college man, practicing Catholic at a Catholic college and I say a rosary every day and the divine mercy chaplet and attend daily mass as well as adoration. I also have read books, watch, and listen to speakers such as Matt Fradd and Jason Evert. Yet I still struggle with pornography and masturbation. Never once pornography as in an actual video of sex, I struggle with nude images. Despite this I’m very much committed to chastity and such, so I feel like a hypocrite.
I went to confession today (at the time of posting this about 20 minutes ago). It was at a penance service and the priest I went to knows me somewhat from seeing me at daily mass and such and I wear a Cruxifix and miraculous medal around my neck 24/7 and I also run a rosary group on campus and the pro life club so I feel so embarrassed to mention these sins, but I know that’s pride getting in the way.
So I said to the priest in confession, I have been prideful (knowing pride was keeping me from saying these sins), lying, envious of others, jealous… then I paused (I planned on saying masturbation and pornographic images but I just couldn’t get it out) and after 10 second pause I said “I guess that’s it.” As soon as I said that I went terrible because I know “that’s not it” and now I just lied after already confessing lying. Then he talked about the sins and then asked if there was anything else … a second chance … and I still said “that’s it” while looking down the whole time.
I have been to confession probably 6 times in the past two years and twice I have mustered up the courage to say masturbation and pornographic images but the other four I didn’t. The two I told the priest I withheld this sin before also. So am I lying to a priest and how bad is that? The priest said all my sins were forgiven so does he have the power to forgive even the sins I don’t name? I think he could tell I was holding back and that’s why he asked a second time.
The two times I confessed these I wanted to make sure I never did them again so I wouldn’t have to confess them and I’ve gotten to 30 straight days before but I just can’t make it past that and like I said I do all these prayers and I listen to only holy music. I even speak about how porn is terrible and dehumanizing to my friends, trying to build up courage to fight it myself but I feel like a hypocrite. Advice please on the confession and everything else
- Your brother in Christ