How best to love your husband


#1

Wives, how do you show your husband that you love him? (Other than you-know-what. I don’t need to hear about that.) Particularly if he has some mental/emotional issues and is therefore often very hard to please. It’s been a tough several years thus far, but I’m not giving up! I just need help on how to love him in way that he understands.

And yes, we have both read the Five Love Languages book. :slight_smile: He says he thrives on affirmation and physical affection. I made it my new year’s resolution to try to think of at least one thing every day to compliment him on, but sometimes I run out of ideas…


#2

*It’s ironic, I run across this tonight. My husband is working, and my dd is sleeping at a friend’s house. my son is playing a game online, and I was watching a movie…and during the quiet time I had to think (which is rare around here lol) I thought what a strong husband I have. Strong mentally, and emotionally…he is not very emotional, but he shows his love for me in what a strong husband, provider, father he is…I told him so when he called earlier, and he lit up. He said…’‘wow, thank you, honey.’’ It made his night. I don’t know if I tell him this enough…maybe I forget. But, I would try to build your husband up…obviously, if you are both struggling, it can be hard…but, look for the good in your husband, and build from there.

I heard something recently that men like to be ‘’‘heros’’ in their wives’ eyes…I think my husband felt special when I told him how strong he is…and not only as in a physical presence in my life, but he is my strength. It goes a long way to pay a man a compliment like that, I think, anyways. :slight_smile:

I will pray for your marriage. *


#3

I will not pretend to know what you are dealing with, as I have been blessed with a husband without any real emotional/mental problems and who is very easy to please. God bless you in these difficult times.

None of these may be helpful to you, but here are some of the ways in which I try to make my husband feel loved:

1)Flirting, sometimes innocent, sometimes racy. He loves both. It makes him feel desirable.

2)Being proud of him and expressing that pride, both verbally and in my facial expressions.

3)Expressing gratitude to him for all the hard work he has done for our family. I try to express this gratitude for both the big things “I want you to know how grateful I am to have a husband who takes such good care of his family” and the little ones “Honey, thanks so much for cleaning up the kitchen tonight”

4)Dressing up for him, wearing decent-looking clothes, making sure my hair and makeup look good. I have six kids, so I don’t have time—or interest!–to spend hours on such things, but I do try to look decent every day. I think he appreciates that I care enough about him to try to look my best.

5)Sharing my burdens and difficulties with him, asking his advice, and letting him know how much I respect his input.

6)Being his friend and frequently pointing out to him how glad I am to have him for a best friend.

7)Letting him know he is a priority in my life by making time to spend with him: cuddling by the fireside, hot bubble baths with glasses of wine, etc.

These are some expressions of my love that my husband appreciates.


#4

One of the best ways I know is to thank him for everything he does - even (and especially) when they are the things he always does.

I always thank my hubbie when he does things that are “my job,” but also when he does things that are “his job.”

And when he’s feeling low (we both have problems with depression) I like to tell him how glad I am we got married.

It’s uplifting, it tells him that I don’t take him for granted, and it helps us keep that glow of being in love!

God bless you,

Ruthie


#5

As someone whose first love language is words of affirmation, I’d like to point out that there’s more to it than just compliments. Honestly listening to what I say and answering thoughtfully is really valuable to me. Or comments like these:

(While on a date) “It is so fun doing things with you.”

“I’m glad you’re home.”

“There’s nothing I’d rather be doing than being here with you.”

“I’m so glad I married you.”

(When you’re feeling bad) “Just being with you makes me feel better.”

(When he’s done something successful) “Gee, it sure is handy having someone around who can do X.”

I say all these to my husband, but he’s not really a words kind of guy. It means more to him when I clean the kitchen. But for words-of-affirmation people, it’s important to say what others might consider “goes without saying.” It’s like a constant encouragement.


#6

Lucky for all of you. My husband wont even sit at the same table for dinner.


#7

I’ll be celebrating my twenty-fifth anniversary quite soon, and I will just add my two cents in this conversation!
Men need to feel respected and admired by their wives.
Women should not criticise their husbands, especially to others. Being critical of one’s spouse robs one’s soul of character.
Men need lots of physical affirmations of love.
Always put your husband above everyone else except God. Even your kids, unless there is a dangerous situation.
Found out his interests and listen attentively to his ideas. Don’t deride him or be sarcastic when he expresses himself. I’ve seen several men just shut down because their wives are always sarcastic and the husbands don’t even try to communicate anymore.
Allow him lots of down time (or as much as you can) when he first gets home from work. If you both work, give both of yourselves down time when you both get home from work!
When you need him to do stuff, ask first what he has planned instead of being demanding.

I know I sound like a little old grandma preaching to newlyweds, but I honestly wish I’d known this stuff when I first got married. It took me a long time to realize how critical I was in general with my husband; and also, how annoying it was to him for me to treat him like a child rather than an adult. Now we’re both happy!:thumbsup:


#8

Thank you lovely ladies for your spot-on answers. I managed to convince my husband to sign up for a Marriage Encounter (actually, it didn’t take much, just a friendly suggestion via email and he was on it!) which I think will do us a lot of good. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can do this!

Renata, don’t feel alone. There are so many out there in similar situations. I will pray for both of us! Perhaps you would like to join the St. Valentine novena thread. The novena begins on Feb 5. We are offering it for people with difficult marriages. God will help us if we ask him! I truly believe that He wants us to have happy marriages. Do not give up!


#9

Ladies,

excuse me for eavesdropping. your thoughts touched my heart and your husbands should consider themselves lucky men. i'll say some prayers for those having difficulties. I wish I would have found this site 10 years ago as it might have made a difference then. best wishes and prayers for you all.


#10

Renata, don’t feel alone. There are so many out there in similar situations. I will pray for both of us! Perhaps you would like to join the St. Valentine novena thread. The novena begins on Feb 5. We are offering it for people with difficult marriages. God will help us if we ask him! I truly believe that He wants us to have happy marriages. Do not give up!

how do I sign up. I have already given up. He is verbally abusive and makes accusations. I dont know what to do. Its been going on for along time. He hates me and does not act like a husband at all.


#11

My wife is able to show her love for me in little ways that mean quite a bit to me here are a couple of examples that come to mind:

  1. Making a meal every week or two specifically with me in mind.

  2. Letting me know that she washed some of my favorite comfortable clothes, and having me change an get comfortable as soon as I walk in the door.

Very simple things, but they really show that she is thinking of me and it means a lot, knowing all of the other things she has going on. Knowing that she could really use a break as soon as I walk through the door.


#12

how do I sign up. I have already given up. He is verbally abusive and makes accusations. I dont know what to do. Its been going on for along time. He hates me and does not act like a husband at all.

No need to sign up. Just start praying. And know that we are praying with you. I am so sorry for your situation. I have no idea what “verbally abusive” means in your case (and don’t feel as if you need to tell me) but I do know that marriage is very, very hard for a lot of us. Sometimes you just feel like a distant roommate. Men and women are so different and sometimes it’s hard for us to understand each other. Human nature is so, so weak, especially in the face of unfair accusations and harsh rudeness. Just keep asking God for the grace to forgive and give your husband as much kindness as you possibly can, even though he doesn’t deserve it. Kindness breeds more kindness, especially the persistent type. Perhaps your love and kindness will inspire in him a sense of shame for his behavior toward you and a feeling of indebtedness or a desire to return your favors. It is so hard to love someone who doesn’t love you back, but remember that we are all human, and all capable of conversion. Otherwise Jesus would never have bothered to come. But even if he doesn’t return your love, you will at least be able to stand before God with a clear conscience. You will have done your part to help him get to heaven. It won’t be your fault that he chose not to go.


#13

AnnaTherese, my husband and I have had this discussion, as well. We’ve both read the Love Languages book, and my husband has the same two love languages as yours: physical affection and affirmations.

Something that has worked for me is to remember that when I love my husband, I’m not just loving the man in front of me. I’m loving Christ, too. If nothing else, I do what I can to show him that I love and support him by taking care of the house, cooking for him, and infusing all my love and energy into those tasks. And believe it or not, it makes a difference. If, for example, I’m focusing on showing love to him through a meal, it’s that meal that usually gets the compliments!

Good luck with the Marriage Encounter–I’ll be praying for you (and for all who are having difficulties in their marriages). God bless you!


closed #14

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