How can I control my temper?


Hey everyone

             I need some advice. Lately I have been having issues with my temper. I have had some bad things happen to me in the past (I don't want to get into those). And lately I have been having a lot of issues with getting filled with rage over it. When I moved to the town that I am in now three years ago I just acted like none of the bad things happened and went on with my life. But the last few months I have caught myself getting furious with the people that caused those things to happen. What can I do to let go of the rage? I went to confession today and it helped some. But I still fill it a little bit.


I like the new name. Suits you better.

I always told my kids: Count to 100, then count some more. I’m also a big advocate of what the Knights do when encountering the French heaving things over hte castle wall in Monty Python and hte Holy Grail, “Run away, run away”. At least walk away from the source of aggravation and do something else, even for a few minutes. It gives you time to think.


For me, personally, depression and anxiety manifests as anger.

Now, having said that…I suggest if this is possibly your case…that you talk to your doctor.

I imagine whatever happened to you could be causing some depression. We are human, when people hurt us, it is normal to feel anger.

Pray for those people who did this to you. (I know it’s hard)

God bless.

I will say a prayer for you.


Back to the basics: this is a case for professional therapy. You should get help examining the sources of your anger and help constructing alternate methods of dealing with it. By all means pray for God’s help, but at the same time get professional help. Remember that grace builds upon nature.



As long as you are not taking your rage out on anyone else, it is not necessarily a bad thing – it could well be a stage you are going through on the way to healing from the bad things that were done to you. St. Paul said, “Be angry, but do not sin.” You repressed this for a long time, and now it is just working its way out. You are not alone with this – I went through something similar when I moved to a different town from where I grew up. I had a lot of pent-up anger toward a close family member who had been mean and abusive to me for years, and once I didn’t have to deal with this person all the time, I went through a period of pretty intense rage toward them. It was as if I had pushed all of that resentment down for years in order to keep the family peace, but after moving away, I didn’t have to do that anymore and it came spilling out like a volcano. Sound familiar? It took me a couple of years to move beyond that, but in time I realized that this person was just another poor sinner doing the only thing they knew how to do, and I just happened to be the victim of it. I got to the point where I could forgive them and pray for them, and eventually I grew to where I actually felt sorry for them for being so messed-up that they had to treat others the way they did. Years later, whenever the bad feelings rear their ugly head (not very often, but every now and then), I offer it up for that person’s conversion (they are not Catholic or any kind of Christian). Maybe you will get to that point, too? I worked through my situation by myself, but if I had to do it over, I would get some professional counseling to help deal with it, and that’s what I would recommend to you. God bless.


Thanks for the advice. I will look in to getting some professional counseling. Can it be with a Priest? If not how do I find a good moral counselor?


I’d start by asking your priest. If he can’t counsel you himself for some reason, he should be able to recommend someone else. Another possibility, if you work for a larger company, is the employee assistance center. Ask the people in Human Resources about that. Or, if you are a college or university student, there should be a counseling center on campus.


I use a Jesus Box.

Using an old shoe box, I decorate it anyway I want and cut a slit in the top.

Then, every time I am feeling overwhelmed by an emotion that, if combined with an action, could cause harm to myself or others, I start writing.

I do not care about spelling, syntax, sense or grammar. I just ‘blech’ what I am feeling up and out onto a piece of paper.

When I am all done, I put the paper in front of me, get on my knees and offer it to Jesus.

I tell Him, “Lord, this is how I am feeling and I cannot seem to get rid of it or change it. I am offering it to You and humbly asking You to relieve me of this bondage. Please take it from me. Thank you. Amen”.

Then I fold the paper up and put it in the box and walk away.

If I have to do it over and over and over and over and …well, you get the idea…then I do. It’s ok. Jesus is happy I am praying and He will help me with something as many times as I ask Him to help me.

This, along with some solid counseling, can help you cope with your feelings of betrayal and start to really heal, so you can be of maximum service to God, His Church and others.

Hang in there…


That is a great idea – thanks for sharing! God bless you.


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