How can I get a girlfriend?


#1

Hi there everyone. I'm 33 and single, never been married yet. But I'm not sure how to get a girlfriend though......

I only go to the gym and Mass and groups in my Parish and those are the only places where I see people regulary..

Any ideas or advice???

I'm also a little shy/timid......


#2

Dating websites? They offer a nice way to screen people without the awkward feeling of obligation that comes with going on dates right off the bat.

The only real advice that I can give you for getting a girlfriend without technological aid is to bite the bullet and overcome your shyness. If you see a woman in church without a ring on her hand that you find attractive, walk up to her after Mass and introduce yourself. It might be scary and/or outside your comfort zone but the results will be hard to argue with.


#3

Next parish group, stick an individually wrapped slice of american cheese on your chest instead of your name tag and write **SINGLE **on it with a sharpie marker. The first girl that laughs, ask her out.

I know, it’s cheesy.


#4

I'm in the same situation as you and I sympathize. However, as someone who is often swarmed with friends offering to pair me up because they feel pretty sorry for me as much as I am, one advice I can give is to know what exactly do you want in a woman. As much as I appreciate my friends' sentiments, it feels a little shallow to let them give me whatever girl they have in mind.

Learn to discern what type of woman is suitable for you and ask God for guidance. At the very least, you'll know what you're looking for and gives you good reason to prepare yourself with how to act when the time comes.


#5

Try a Catholic dating site. There are probably scads of women in San Diego!!! I have tried Catholic Match and Ave Maria Singles. I’m currently dating a woman from AMS but I also met some wonderful, holy women on CM. Subscription for AMS is around $175 but it never expires.

I will also say that there are TONS of younger women looking for men your age on these sites! It was kind of a bummer for me as I’m just shy of 25.


#6

There is a great challenge for always single people, to secure a relationship. The more lonely you are and the more you want to find a partner, the harder it is establish a relationship.

This does not mean it is impossible, only difficult to accomplish.

Other people often can intuit your plight, and react negatively.

If you reek of desperation, they can smell your fear.

Strong self control is required to keep your mind in a positive state.

Potential partners are attracted by a confidence, that is hard to muster, and a good attitude.

It takes a lot of effort to achieve attitude and confidence, but these attributes are necessary.

You can learn how to date, and how to secure a partner. It isn't easy. it can be done though.


#7

Learn "Game," the art of communicating and flirting with women, but maintain your Catholic faith and integrity. It is possible, but you are going to have to stretch your comfort zone. Do not put women on pedestals. You are probably going to have to learn "Game" from non-Catholics, and maybe non-Christians. The art of banter will get you very far in life.

Do a weekend "bootcamp" because then you will be FORCED to approach and will lose the fear of it. If you have solid faith, you can walk among and learn from men that are "skilled" with women without crossing over to the "dark side."

In this way you will develop confidence, which is a very attractive quality. With skills you will be able to approach and strike up conversations with ALL women and maybe you will meet a great woman for yourself.

But as long as you are concentrating on finding a girlfriend, you will be too “needy” and will repel the best women. Yes it is a paradox but get used to it. The best way to find a great woman is to become comfortable and confident around ALL women.

Don't ask me to explain further because if you have the drive to seek, you will find the resources and the knowledge. Of course the other alternative is to stand back, look "nice" and wait for a great woman to notice you. How is that working out?


#8

I would say from some of your past posts work on your faith life - not just going to mass and prayer groups but actually believing and being a part of. Once you truly feel closer He will give you what you are looking for. Marriage is vocational Sacrament. You cannot be one foot in the Church and one foot out of the Church looking for the right person to take a vocational sacrament with and expecting he will provide. Expecting to find a woman to anchor you to the Church (if that is an expectation) would be a little codependent.


#9

How is that bad? :confused:


#10

[quote="exoflare, post:9, topic:225940"]
How is that bad? :confused:

[/quote]

Unfortunately for me many women prefer older men. I have a thing for older women (30-ish) but rarely have success.


#11

[quote="jasonsdec77, post:1, topic:225940"]
Hi there everyone. I'm 33 and single, never been married yet. But I'm not sure how to get a girlfriend though......

I only go to the gym and Mass and groups in my Parish and those are the only places where I see people regulary..

Any ideas or advice???

I'm also a little shy/timid......

[/quote]

Well start by saying hi to a few girls. Get some conversations going....ask them out. You can't tell me there aren't any girls at your gym or church groups who don't interest you. If not take another look...you might be missing something. Many times these days it seems like guys expect us to chase them or do all the work....that's a big turn off right there. Most ladies like a gentleman and a bit of chivalery doesn't hurt either. Maybe bring your date flowers or a small gift for example. Walk her to her car, open doors for her or just be thoughtful. Listen to what she says. Good luck. :thumbsup:


#12

I think I myself am too shy & may not have enough "game", but I did better at getting women when I wasn't looking for Catholic women in particular. Now what am I supposed to do? It's made it harder & I'm going to look silly at a club asking if a lady is Catholic.


#13

[FONT=Arial]Just practice saying hi to people you meet throughout the day in regular life, men or women of whatever age. Make a comment about something they are doing and smile. For instance about 2 days ago an older lady was buying sweet rolls at the convenience store for two young girls. I commented and said “Oh, you must be a Grandma, because a mother would not be buying such things” and then I smiled at her. She smiled and responded. That is all, just a little fun conversation to keep in practice. This helps in life with everyone because you slowly develop skills to notice them. It is just so rare to get rejected or have a bad interaction when doing this.

Then you have the skills to “elicit values” in the course of a conversation. There are lots of nominal Catholics, so you are going to have to determine their quality no matter what. This comes after some bit of interaction.

You can always ask a woman what her favorite saint is. If she knows then you can ask why? It is a fun little thing to do. Anything can be fun for her if the guy thinks it is fun, and does it with confidence. You can then gain a lot of information based on her reaction and response. Be prepared to be able to tell her your favorite saint, what he is patron of and why you admire him. Then let the conversation flow or conclude it if you want. Remember, it works best for you to end it on a high note and then come back to her later because she will be appreciative and remember the good feeling she had at the end of your previous conversation.

No hovering until you gather courage. She has radar to see this and is already forming an opinion. See her and approach. Don’t over think. You have about 3 minutes on the initial approach to make your impression. At that point she will have decided about you. Don’t overstay your welcome if she is not receptive to further discussion because then you become a creep. Following this simple advice respects her and makes it easier for a guy to know how to meet women and strike up a conversation. So few guys can do this that it immediately sets you apart. The most important thing is to be noticed. The guys standing around in the back or by the wall blend into the background. It as if they are in “black and white” and the guy that has the confidence to approach is in “color.”

In this way you can use “Game” in a positive way to meet women, determine their basic compatibility with your values, have some fun and demonstrate to them that Catholic guys are not too religious to have a little bit of fun. In fact this would work much better at a club than in the grocery store, because women are receptive to talking to men and that is why they went out, for social interaction.

Another way to find out if she is Catholic is to do a “cold read.” A short while after you start the conversation say. “Hmm… Let me look at you and tell you what I observe.” (A bit of dramatics and silliness doesn’t hurt.) “I see you as a cat person. And by the style of your shoes, I think you are…” (Really observe and you will be able to see a lot of her personality within the first 5 minutes.) Work in something spiritual. She will tell you if you are right or wrong. It really doesn’t matter if you got it right because it facilitated conversation in a fun way.

For you women reading this and thinking this is contrived. It is not. Often guys need some pointers and ideas to know how to meet women. It is not easy because it is a learned skill to not fear rejection. Guys need to be taught. Those formerly unnoticed guys are good men and everyone is served by helping the good guys get noticed and have the skills to interact.

[FONT=Arial]Keep in mind that a man is going to mess this up the first several times he tries it. So every rejection he learns something to improve his conversational skills, which will serve him well for the rest of his life in every situation, including his job. Soon he becomes a natural at this and will be able to interact with anyone without conscious effort or even a specific goal (such as meeting women).
[/FONT][/FONT]


#14

[quote="C_S_P_B, post:13, topic:225940"]
[FONT=Arial]Just practice saying hi to people you meet throughout the day in regular life, men or women of whatever age. Make a comment about something they are doing and smile. For instance about 2 days ago an older lady was buying sweet rolls at the convenience store for two young girls. I commented and said "Oh, you must be a Grandma, because a mother would not be buying such things" and then I smiled at her. She smiled and responded. That is all, just a little fun conversation to keep in practice. This helps in life with everyone because you slowly develop skills to notice them. It is just so rare to get rejected or have a bad interaction when doing this.

Then you have the skills to "elicit values" in the course of a conversation. There are lots of nominal Catholics, so you are going to have to determine their quality no matter what. This comes after some bit of interaction.

You can always ask a woman what her favorite saint is. If she knows then you can ask why? It is a fun little thing to do. Anything can be fun for her if the guy thinks it is fun, and does it with confidence. You can then gain a lot of information based on her reaction and response. Be prepared to be able to tell her your favorite saint, what he is patron of and why you admire him. Then let the conversation flow or conclude it if you want. Remember, it works best for you to end it on a high note and then come back to her later because she will be appreciative and remember the good feeling she had at the end of your previous conversation.

No hovering until you gather courage. She has radar to see this and is already forming an opinion. See her and approach. Don't over think. You have about 3 minutes on the initial approach to make your impression. At that point she will have decided about you. Don't overstay your welcome if she is not receptive to further discussion because then you become a creep. Following this simple advice respects her and makes it easier for a guy to know how to meet women and strike up a conversation. So few guys can do this that it immediately sets you apart. The most important thing is to be noticed. The guys standing around in the back or by the wall blend into the background. It as if they are in “black and white” and the guy that has the confidence to approach is in “color.”

In this way you can use “Game” in a positive way to meet women, determine their basic compatibility with your values, have some fun and demonstrate to them that Catholic guys are not too religious to have a little bit of fun. In fact this would work much better at a club than in the grocery store, because women are receptive to talking to men and that is why they went out, for social interaction.

Another way to find out if she is Catholic is to do a “cold read.” A short while after you start the conversation say. “Hmm.. Let me look at you and tell you what I observe.” (A bit of dramatics and silliness doesn’t hurt.) “I see you as a cat person. And by the style of your shoes, I think you are…” (Really observe and you will be able to see a lot of her personality within the first 5 minutes.) Work in something spiritual. She will tell you if you are right or wrong. It really doesn’t matter if you got it right because it facilitated conversation in a fun way.

For you women reading this and thinking this is contrived. It is not. Often guys need some pointers and ideas to know how to meet women. It is not easy because it is a learned skill to not fear rejection. Guys need to be taught. Those formerly unnoticed guys are good men and everyone is served by helping the good guys get noticed and have the skills to interact.

[FONT=Arial]Keep in mind that a man is going to mess this up the first several times he tries it. So every rejection he learns something to improve his conversational skills, which will serve him well for the rest of his life in every situation, including his job. Soon he becomes a natural at this and will be able to interact with anyone without conscious effort or even a specific goal (such as meeting women).
[/FONT][/FONT]

[/quote]

:thumbsup:Haha, thanks a lot brother. I can tell you have studied that art of mackin. I have too, but didn't think of that many things that you have told me. Definitely will have to try & remember this, or come back to it or something. My friend has done the same & I tripped out on how he walked up to an older lady, but realized he was just trying to get into the comfort zone when he started explaining why.


#15

As guys, being able to laugh at ourselves if also a useful skill.
A Manly Song


#16

I'm sorry, but I'm suddenly reminded of Steve Martin's commentary on how to become a millionaire. FIRST, you get a million dollars!


#17

CSPB, as a woman I see nothing wrong with your advice at all.

I still like the cheese name tag idea though. :)


#18

You're a man, you got plenty of time. Relax.


#19

[quote="jasonsdec77, post:1, topic:225940"]
Hi there everyone. I'm 33 and single, never been married yet. But I'm not sure how to get a girlfriend though......

I only go to the gym and Mass and groups in my Parish and those are the only places where I see people regulary..

Any ideas or advice???

I'm also a little shy/timid......

[/quote]

Well, I would suggest going out A LOT. Try different things. Join clubs. Try internet dating if you're shy. And just remember, the right girl's out there for you. :thumbsup: Good luck man!


#20

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