Thank you, gmarie, for your words of wisdom and I agree totally with you. I have told my sister that she is wrong in what she did about the photo. The kids do say that they hate going to their dads but the major reason is because they say their hearts ache for their mother and they miss her so much. The dad doesn’t allow the kids to call their mother. Yes, this entire family, both of them, are very dysfunctional. My sister was in counseling, but she is a student and her ex doesn’t always pay the things he needs to like medical bills and child support, so she gets angry of literally has no money. She can’t afford the counseling.
My husband and I bought an RV and we are taking her and her children with us on a 4 day vacation so that they can get the R & R they need. We leave today. I will try to talk to my sister over this vacation, but I do want the kids to have fun. Yes, my sister needs to let go of the anger and forgive, but it may take time. My dh just recently forgave his mother for a lifetime of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. He held on to the anger until now at the age of 35 yr. old. He told me to pray for my sister and give her time. In the meantime, she does need to put aside the anger when the children mention their dad and his wife. I do know that they are not allowed to mention their mother to their father and especially the wife. The wife has yelled at my niece to the point of tears that she wants nothing to do with my sister. It is no wonder why these children are having a difficult time coping with the divorce. One is very angry and smart mouth and the other is angry and committing vandalism at school and he is only in Kindergarten. They are acting out.
In defense of my sister though, she has gone through hell with her ex. He has put her through so much and has abused the children physically. She reports it and nothing gets done. But now, starting next week the kids will be talking to a counselor and they do have copies of the child services reports of the four abuses reported. The psychologist who met with my sister already is wondering how my ex BIL can have a daycare with these reports on him. We will leave it up to her if she wants to report him, for if my sister did it, he would be even angrier.
I do believe that the children are more accepting of the situation at their dad’s. Originially they hated the new wife, but now they admit to like her a little and would love her if she was not so angry all the time. Those are their words. I do agree that my sister needs to even pretend to be polite and friendly towards her ex and his wife, but he is not to her. I tell her to act more like the Catholic one and love him and her, even though she doesn’t have to like them for the sake of her own soul and the children.
Please pray for her and her situation. I hope and pray that time will help heal her wounds, but it is also difficult to do when he is so difficult and sends her nasty emails. You would not believe the emails. Even when I read them it angers me for they are so full of lies and contradictions and hateful words. He tries to intimidate her all the time. I don’t know how she can have feelings towards him. Like Dulcissma said, she should have pity on the new wife and be glad he is out of her life, but then he isn’t out totally for he does have to communicated with her about the kids. Yes, they both need to die to themselves and put the children first. I really believe my sister is doing the best she can, but suffers with being selfish in her views. But then again who of us doesn’t have a sin or sins that we need to work on?:rolleyes: