There’s a lot of pain in my life, as I know there is in most people’s lives. I just took some pictures of myself for my Facebook profile pic, and what I see in those pictures is an overweight male with tired eyes who doesn’t smile very easily. I’m in my late 20s, still living at home due to personal debt, and am now seeking therapy from a psychologist. I don’t suffer from depression, or if I do then it’s very mild, but I try to be happy, I try to be social, and try to be outgoing. There’s just something missing, and my pastor says it’s integrity.
When I look at those pictures I took, I don’t see integrity. When I look at myself, I’m disappointed in my weight (though I’m going to the gym 5 days a week), I’m disappointed in myself due to my sins, and I’m disappointed in myself due to my financial and living conditions.
Last night I went out with a girl. This is the first girl I’ve been out with in 5 years. And it felt really good. It wasn’t a date, per se, but it felt good to care for someone, to look after her pocketbook, to ask her if she needed a ride home, and to give her a hug. It assured me in some small way that things aren’t so bad after all. I don’t know if we’ll ever do anything again.
I’m hurting. The Holy Spirit has made me aware of this. I plan on continuing to see my therapist, without a doubt, but I was just wondering if anyone here could help me learn ways to find integrity and to be proud of who I am, who God created me to be, no matter what I look like?
And prayers are always welcome.