For the few of you who have read my posts in the past, I know you may be tired of me…but this thing is a constant struggle.
When I converted to Catholicism (at age 29) I was taught that one has to believe in everything which the Church teaches…or they are in heresy and are not truly Catholic. I have found myself falling away…and even becoming somewhat angry…because there are some things which (no matter how hard I try) cannot bring myself to believe.
I believe that the Catholic faith is the true one because it is the only one which was founded by Jesus himself…however…I am having a hard time believing that God limits his grace to only Catholic people, or that there is no salvation outside of the Catholic church. I know many good-hearted God-fearing people who are not Catholic; and to say that they will not see the face of God, simply because they do not worship in the same way as Catholics…well…I don’t know…seems wrong.
I’ve tried having a decent conversation about this with other Catholic who simply shake their heads and dismiss everything that I say, quoting things that the saints have said. For those who were born in the faith, unquestioned obedience is seems imprinted on their soul. For those who have been raised in other faiths…it’s not so black & white.
As a Catholic…it is sinful to doubt. But to doubt…to wonder…to question…is it not human nature? If something as simple as this doubt I have is good enough to disqualify my as being a “true Catholic”…then is it even worth trying?
How can I bring myself to believe that a person who belives and trust and Jesus…and who follows his comandments…will go to Hell…simply because they are not Catholic? How can I bring myself to believe that God is so narrow-minded?