Just a little background. I was married for 20 years to a man who didn’t like to work. When I met him, he said he was agnostic and in a period of transition. He then he had a sudden conversion back to Catholicism about the time he asked me to marry him. I put him through college and supported him and our two children. He always told me that I was too nice. After about 7 years of being married to me, he started telling me I was overweight and unattractive. He would get drunk and go into rages that scared me to death practically. Even when he was sober, he could be kind of scary, like the time he kicked the cat against the wall crushing its voice box so it could no longer meow.
He lied to me quite a bit and I totally believed him. Then he would come back and tell me he lied to me. I always forgave him.
He started telling me to leave him. He didn’t want to be married anymore. I cooked, cleaned and did his laundry and supported him financially. He would get drunk, bash the church and mock my moral standards. When he was drunk, he would corner me, screaming in my face, and while daring me to lay a finger on him. (I knew better than that. He told me if I ever laid a finger on him he would take me out.)
I left him. He then began pressuring me for a divorce and threatening to take our disabled son if I wasn’t “reasonable.” I gave him everything including the house, everything in the house, and the ability to claim the kids on his taxes. I didn’t even ask for child support. (He didn’t want our son.)
He recently told me that he has had a girlfriend since before we were divorced. He said it is getting serious. He is selling the house and moving to the state she lives in. He says he wants me to meet him halfway between where I live and he will live so he can have our son for two weekends a month. Our son has autism and does not transition well. Also, he has told me he can’t guarantee that he will take our son to church.
I am an intelligent person even though it may not sound like it. I have a master’s degree. I always thought that I had good judgement, until lately. I look at what a colossal mess I have made of my life and my children’s life and think that I must be crazy to have married the guy in the first place.
I don’t trust my own judgement anymore.
Also, I don’t want my ex- to have my son for 2 weekends a month. My ex- says he will get a lawyer and take my son away from me. I don’t have the money for a lawyer. Right now, the visitation says he is supposed to have our son for one day a week. I love my son so much, but I am afraid to let his father have him for 2 weekends a month. It would also place a heavy financial burden on me to meet my ex- halfway several times a month.
I want to know what you think would be fair for my husband without me having to let my son go three hundred miles away from me a couple of times a month.