How Catholic teaching has ruined my dating life.


#1

Back in the bad old days, (about a year ago), it was very simple: I would meet a girl through a friend, or perhaps at some politcal function, or if I really wanted to break the rules, at work. Once in a while I’d get bored and curious and sign on to some Internet singles site. A pretty predictable course of events would follow: Most girls would move too fast even for me, or they would drop some deal-breaker on the first date like, “I’m against abortion, but I don’t think it’s my place to say it’s wrong,” or just as bad, “I think Michael Moore has a lot of good things to say.” But once in a while, I’d meet a girl I could see myself spending time with.

Well, obviously that has never worked well. I’m single, (though I’m loving it for a change), but now as I consider taking a dip in the dating pool again, I have several self-or-Jesus-imposed rules I that drain that pool considerably. Generally speaking, if she wants to grope, I lose interest, (ideologically speaking, of course. It’s not to say that a certain animal part of me isn’t on board with that thought…). If she departs radically from Catholic-inspired beliefs, she’s out. She doesn’t have to BE Catholic, but it helps. However, if she suggests at some point during the relationship that “after our third child you can get snipped,” I’m gone. (It’s happened before–and she taught CCD).

So, by my calculations, that means there might be three or four girls in the world that make the final cut. (I hope they’re in America). Now, do you see how this drastically effects my dating life? Anyone else run into this? Any other guys rearranging their socks on nights when they used to be out partying?

MM

Disclaimer: The above sentiments do not reflect a desire to leave the Church, disaffection with Church doctrine, or anything less than joy at the late realization of what true freedom is…


#2

:clapping: GOOD FOR YOU!!

I know I would have an awful time if I were in the dating scene now. So I applaud you for sticking to your socks and not setteling.

Sorry I can’t offer empathies, but you do have my sympathies and RESPECT.

:slight_smile: Lilder


#3

[quote=montanaman]Back in the bad old days, (about a year ago), it was very simple: I would meet a girl through a friend, or perhaps at some politcal function, or if I really wanted to break the rules, at work. Once in a while I’d get bored and curious and sign on to some Internet singles site. A pretty predictable course of events would follow: Most girls would move too fast even for me, or they would drop some deal-breaker on the first date like, “I’m against abortion, but I don’t think it’s my place to say it’s wrong,” or just as bad, “I think Michael Moore has a lot of good things to say.” But once in a while, I’d meet a girl I could see myself spending time with.

Well, obviously that has never worked well. I’m single, (though I’m loving it for a change), but now as I consider taking a dip in the dating pool again, I have several self-or-Jesus-imposed rules I that drain that pool considerably. Generally speaking, if she wants to grope, I lose interest, (ideologically speaking, of course. It’s not to say that a certain animal part of me isn’t on board with that thought…). If she departs radically from Catholic-inspired beliefs, she’s out. She doesn’t have to BE Catholic, but it helps. However, if she suggests at some point during the relationship that “after our third child you can get snipped,” I’m gone. (It’s happened before–and she taught CCD).

So, by my calculations, that means there might be three or four girls in the world that make the final cut. (I hope they’re in America). Now, do you see how this drastically effects my dating life? Anyone else run into this? Any other guys rearranging their socks on nights when they used to be out partying?

MM

Disclaimer: The above sentiments do not reflect a desire to leave the Church, disaffection with Church doctrine, or anything less than joy at the late realization of what true freedom is…
[/quote]

what if she thinks it’s her place and most importantly your place as well to stand up for what the Catholic Church teaches… i really feel that you need to rethink the first few sentences of your post… you do have an obligation to speak… (not to be confused with harass)… i don’t want to comment on the “grope” part… i’m too old to go there anymore… :thumbsup:


#4

Don’t worry you will find one, I did. It took a little longer then average since I didn’t get married until 34, but I am now happily married with a 5 month old kid.

Just keep looking and don’t “settle.” Since you live in a city (D.C.) that has more woman then men, you should have an easier time then say living in Alaska.

Just make sure some of the “deal breakers” are not just off the cuff responses that she is just saying because she thinks you want to hear it. Make sure that is the way she really believes and isn’t open to change. You never know, you may turn someone around.


#5

what if she thinks it’s her place and most importantly your place as well to stand up for what the Catholic Church teaches… i really feel that you need to rethink the first few sentences of your post… you do have an obligation to speak… (not to be confused with harass)… i don’t want to comment on the “grope” part… i’m too old to go there anymore…

What? You’re telling me there are available girls out there who stand up for Church teaching? Where? It seems there are a few here, but as far as I know, they’re merely computer-generated figments of the Internet’s imagination. :wink:

I’m not really THAT cynical, (or desperate–at all), but in my experience, they’re a rare breed.

And what was the problem with my first few sentences? I go out of my way so my natural way of speaking doesn’t offend anyone here, so I’m concerned… I’m a smart-(whatever) by nature, but I can’t keep in check all the time…


#6

Well, as a Catholic you shouldn’t be interested in “dating” anyway…you are looking for someone to court perhaps, but “dating” is an “of-the-world” process, and is designed to create serial monogamy, a long line of “failed” relationships…great training for divorce. I say be rid of the idea of “dating” and call on our paraclete, the Holy Spirit to deliver you a clear vocational sign.

Perhaps something like:

“Dear Holy Sprit, call me to the priesthood or religious life, or bring to me a wife. Whatever thy will be, so it be done.”

I’ld say in your case, you could consider sending up this prayer multiple times per day, and storm heaven with your needs. Don’t forget to get the Blessed Mother, our best intercessor, to jump up to the front of the line for you. We must strive to be specific in our prayers.

I’ll do my part this weekend…I am taking my son on a father-and-son retreat, and I will offer a mass for the Holy Spirit to drop a sure sign in front of you!

Peace,
John


#7

I wish I had some advice, but I’m sure glad I met my husband when I was 19.


#8

Dating…courtship, I gotcha. I hear you–I’m still in the world, though. I often use the world’s language reflexively.


#9

[quote=montanaman]What? You’re telling me there are available girls out there who stand up for Church teaching? Where? It seems there are a few here, but as far as I know, they’re merely computer-generated figments of the Internet’s imagination. :wink:

[/quote]

There out there, as I said in a previous message I found one. You just have to look in the right places, you probably won’t find them in the bars and other similar locations.

According to your profile you live in DC, so you might find them at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, at the Smithsonian, at the National Zoo, in Rock Creek Park, at your church, etc.


#10

Hmm, you’re in DC, huh? Do I have the woman for you! (Not me, but I know a gal who has the same problem with finding men worthy of her and her Catholic beliefs.) If anything I’d try CatholicSingles.com. Thats where I met my boyfriend. We are both moderate Catholics and agree on all of our Catholic beliefs. It really weeds out the riff raff that is all too common in today’s world. I do feel your pain however. My boyfriend was shocked when I told him I was a virgin and was waiting for marriage. You cant find too many girls like me, and you cant find too many guys like my boyfriend who love a woman enough to wait until the wedding night. :wink: Good luck to ya!


#11

There out there, as I said in a previous message I found one. You just have to look in the right places, you probably won’t find them in the bars and other locations.

According to your profile you live in DC, so you might find them at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, at the Smithsonian, at the National Zoo, in Rock Creek Park, at your church, etc.

Lol.

I’ve been cruising the National Shrine for a while. School’s out, though, so my only options far exceed my age limit.

The Smithsonian is usually populated by the same age category.

I hate zoos, so that’s out–and it would be incredibly weird to cruise the zoo, don’t you think? “Hey, how are you? How 'bout those monkeys?”

Rock Creek Park is definitely out, too. Generally speaking, that’s for stalkers and senators who need to dump evidence…


#12

Hmm, you’re in DC, huh? Do I have the woman for you! (Not me, but I know a gal who has the same problem with finding men worthy of her and her Catholic beliefs.) If anything I’d try CatholicSingles.com.

I recently signed up with CatholicSingles. It’s not great, I think. Of course, I only signed up with the cheap membership–i.e. “free.” So far, I’ve had a couple of hits, but they never write back, and I’m not sure if they can without a “real” membership. And I’m not sure if I want to do that. Call me a snob–I still prefer the real-life method.

Oh, for anyone else in this situation, Theology on Tap is pretty good. Guiness, girls (or guys), and God. It doesn’t get much better than that. :wink: :thumbsup:


#13

[quote=montanaman]Lol.

I’ve been cruising the National Shrine for a while. School’s out, though, so my only options far exceed my age limit.
[/quote]

LOL:rotfl:
Actually check out the place on Sundays. Lots of people of varying ages. :wink:

The Smithsonian is usually populated by the same age category.

Actually when I was still single, just sitting out on the Mall or on some bench in some museum was a great place to meet women of all ages.

Rock Creek Park is definitely out, too. Generally speaking, that’s for stalkers and senators who need to dump evidence…

I never actually tried going to Rock Creek Park since I live in MD, IMHO there are much better parks in MD so never felt the need to go there only suggested since you live in DC.


#14

MM,

There is a Catholic Family ministry called CFC-Singles For Christ (SFC). IT IS NOT a dating service. It is a ministry that helps build Spiritually Strong Christian men and women. Though lately, I have attended more weddings of SFC members marring SFC members. (it’s a bonus not a requirement).

If you would like more information, please let me know.


#15

[quote=montanaman]I recently signed up with CatholicSingles. It’s not great, I think. Of course, I only signed up with the cheap membership–i.e. “free.” So far, I’ve had a couple of hits, but they never write back, and I’m not sure if they can without a “real” membership. And I’m not sure if I want to do that. Call me a snob–I still prefer the real-life method.

Oh, for anyone else in this situation, Theology on Tap is pretty good. Guiness, girls (or guys), and God. It doesn’t get much better than that. :wink: :thumbsup:
[/quote]

Ha! I had a free membership too. I was able to write back, but only once. I gave my boyfriend my regular email address after that.

Yes, you are a snob. :stuck_out_tongue: Swallow your pride. (Just kidding with you.) I am the happiest I have ever been with this guy. I used to follow the real-life method, but it just got too complicated. I’d rather know something about a person before I go out on a date with them. Also, 40% of singles are using online dating nowadays, so its not too uncommon anymore.


#16

I didn’t find Theology on Tap until after I was engaged, I wish I had found it before. I haven’t been to the DC one since it was a LuLus. I know when it was at LuLus you could go to the Theology on Tap and stay for the dance leasons, I doubt you can do that since they moved it to the Irish Pub.


#17

MM,

There is a Catholic Family ministry called CFC-Singles For Christ (SFC). IT IS NOT a dating service. It is a ministry that helps build Spiritually Strong Christian men and women. Though lately, I have attended more weddings of SFC members marring SFC members. (it’s a bonus not a requirement).

If you would like more information, please let me know.

Sure, why not? Despite how this all sounds, I am NOT too concerned. I’ve got this very new inexplicable faith that leaves me at peace. I may or may not find someone, but all will be well if I don’t. In the meantime, however, I need all the help I can get to stay holy and chaste. I’ll google it, but if you can give me more info, please do so.


#18

I didn’t find Theology on Tap until after I was married, I wish I had found it before. I haven’t been to the DC one since it was a LuLus. I know when it was at LuLus you could go to the Theology on Tap and stay for the dance leasons, I doubt you can do that since they moved it to the Irish Pub.

I always had a good time at Lulu’s. Even my pagan girlfriend liked those there. But 4P’s is much, much better. I love it there. I’ve got an honorary Irish heritage, it’s dark and brooding, and the atmosphere is just perfect for such an event. Lately I’ve been going to Whitlow’s on Wilson in Arlington because it’s about four blocks away from me. Sweet deal. In fact, I met a girl there last Tuesday, but she’s at least politically liberal, (not a deal-breaker), and she mentioned she didn’t like the Catholic-meat-market aspect of ToT’s. Needless to say, I didn’t make my Catholic move. (You know–“Want to, ah, get together sometime for a Rosary? Just me, you, and the Blessed Mother?”)

She said she’d be there next week, so we’ll see.


#19

Don’t give up! We ladies are having the same problem finding good Catholic men to date/court. Just trust that God knows what He’s doing and that His timing is best. As the Lord says in Jeremiah 29, “I know the plans that I have for you. Plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope.” Speaking as someone who is ready for a dating relationship but is still waiting for someone who is spiritually compatible, I know it gets frustrating… but take heart! Good Catholic girls are out there- and we’re waiting for God to put a good Catholic man like you in our lives.
God bless!
Jessica


#20

P.S. I’d be really impressed if a guy invited me to pray a rosary with him- just me, him, and the Blessed Mother!


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