How close can a same sex relationship get?

I’ve been struggling with same sex attraction and I’ve met this guy. I have so many feelings towards him, I care so deeply for him. Most we did was hug. Doing anything else just doesn’t feel right. I don’t know what to do, I don’t see me doing anything with him but what am I supposed to do with these feelings?

I ended up messaging another guy yesterday and he told me he was Catholic and kind of feels the same way I do sexually. He said he has done some things before, he still goes to mass on weekly basis though.

Idk, I’m so conflicted, I would never have seen myself doing this a month ago. I guess what I really want is just a good friend and meeting someone with similar struggles as me and having them to talk to has done wonders for me. I just see this though as me setting myself up for the potential for something to happen.

So is it alright to have a deep emotional connection with another member of same sex? I guess SSA isn’t a sin until you act on it. Also with the line of thinking I have it would be bad to meet someone from the opposite sex if you find them attractive in that way.

Pray to God.
Pray for Grace from temptation. Attraction is almost never as strong as we think at first.

I suppose two men can live as brothers.

Obviously nothing sexual or anything that would lead to sexual things.

god bless you in your struggles. I am sure it is difficult.

I would suggest you join a support group, such as Courage, to help deal with these feelings. You are attracted to him physically and romantically. That way leads to trouble.

You ask how close-- platonic. That is it. And having feeling for someone beyond platonic, having temptation beyond platonic is dangerous territory.

Yes, this is why I suggest contacting Courage, which has a support network in place that can help you and hopefully prevent the types of temptation you are experiencing trying to find this support in a one-on-one situation with someone you are attracted to.


Second this suggestion!


Well looks like there is one in my area. Idk I’m in college and only 20. If you would of asked me a month ago about this I would have told you I feel nothing romantically towards men and now I don’t know.

Try to cultivate friendships with men who do not have SSA. This will help you learn how to have same sex friendships that are non-sexual. For example, we have a group of men at our parish who do the Exodus 90 program together (do an internet search for information on that). They pursue moral virtue together and build up male camaraderie.

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So should a male who’s physically attracted to females avoid friendships with females simply because he finds her attractive?

Honestly, here’s an analogy I feel on this:

I am personally a recovering heroin addict. It would be a terrible idea for me to put myself in a situation of hanging out with a bunch of active addicts shooting up. It would be too much temptation.

So ask yourself: how close can Spyridon get to heroin without relapsing?

Wouldn’t it be a better idea for me to despise heroin usage instead? Would it not be a smarter, wiser choice for me to avoid even being in the room with active addicts shooting up?

Now apply this to homosexuality.

Instead of wondering “how close can I get?”, wouldn’t it be wiser to simply avoid people who are actively living that lifestyle? Would not prudence dictate that you avoid relationships with other fellow people inclined to the same sin?


If he is not in a position to act on that attraction,yes. For example, he’s married. Or it’s unrequited.

A single man who can act on those romantic feelings appropriately— date, marry— could pursue the friendship in hopes of romantic feelings developing. The difference being, a SSA man can never act in those feelings in a moral way and they remain a temptation to sin.

In general, it’s popular these days to have opposite sex friends, but that is a secular norm and not usually wise spiritually.


If he’s married, then yes, absolutely he should.

@1ke explained it well above

I can relate in some ways. What I would do in your case is to embrace your feelings, but not to the point where it is nearly impossible for you to act on your sexuality. As we both know, it is the act of homosexuality that is a sin. I’d say being in a relationship is totally fine, but you wouldn’t be able to have intercourse like a normal couple would, so that’s a burden. If not this, then I say follow luciavento’s advice.

The level of friendship between people of the opposite sex can only reach a certain point before one side develops romantic feelings.

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I guess I just like the idea of having someone who I can relate to. I could see two scenarios. Working through this together and having support or him leading me into doing something.

I see the logic behind not putting yourself into a situation like this. I’ve been so isolated, so alone, and have had really no one to talk to about any of this. Now that I realize I can open up to someone I want to do it again. I have started seeing a counselor at my church, maybe I’ll talk with him about this.

I think I have romantic attraction towards women but I just don’t feel anything sexually. I guess everyone is called to chastity if single regardless of sexual attraction. I could probably see myself dating a woman but I have so many personal issues I need to work out first and I would never end up marrying without divulging this. I can’t believe some men withhold that and end up cheating or getting annulled later on.

I guess that’s bad then… You did say opposite sex though. I’m so confused, I don’t know what I want anymore. Just craving connection.

We should avoid the ‘near occasion of sin’. This is something that is relative to the individual and his particular weaknesses.

Historically and across cultures men and women who were not married to each other were not ‘friends’ and did not spend time together alone. There is wisdom there.


Everyone needs to avoid the near occasion of sin. Your rhetorical question cannot be correctly answered without considering the facts of each situation. In other words, to answer your question, sometimes yes and sometimes no. St. Francis and St. Clare were great friends, and we know St. Francis found women attractive. On the other hand, a man (who just wants to be friends with a woman who wants more) who monopolizes a marriage-minded woman’s time without the intention of marrying is doing her an injustice. A man who wants to be close friends with a married woman comes close to, or crosses into, emotional intimacy that should be reserved for marriage. Groups of friends of the opposite sex who gather around a common interest seems proper and no one really argues about that. Friends is one thing, but how close, and to what end?

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There is merit in the good side you see. There is great danger too. You may be able to form a relationship with someone similarly struggling, but that relationship may need some serious boundaries. For instance maybe you should only meet in public.

In thinking about this it seems that connection may be good. The same could be true for other difficulties like say alcoholism. Two alcoholics could build each other up. But they shouldn’t do so while meeting at a bar. If being around someone tempts you to sin sexually (even in thought) then you should avoid it.


You asked if heterosexual men or women can be friends with the opposite sex, so, that was how I directed my answer.

Please, reach out to Courage. It is made up of men and women who understand your struggles.

I may have crossed a line emotionally. Maybe I told too much. It’s a complicated situation and he talked about committing suicide. I’m going to need to contact someone about this, he doesn’t seem like he’s planning on doing anything right away. How was I supposed to react when someone I met, and opened up to, told him things I’ve never told anyone else before, said he was going to do that? Talked for him for 2hrs trying to talk him out of it. Hugged him for almost an eternity. We talked yesterday and he seemed a lot better. I don’t know, it’s so odd how all this happened. Emotions and feelings are everywhere…

You are in a tough spot right now. The best place for you to be right now is on your knees. Have a good conversation with God and with your confessor about the situation. Yes, tell his family or call the non-emergency police phone number so they can do a welfare check on him. Ask the Blessed Mother and St. Benedict for help. Prayer to St. Benedict: Admirable Saint and Doctor of Humility, you practiced what you taught, assiduously praying for God’s glory and lovingly fulfilling all work for God and the benefit of all human beings. You know the many physical dangers that surround us today often caused or occasioned by human inventions. Guard us against poisoning of the body as well as of mind and soul, and thus be truly a “Blessed” one for us. Amen.

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