How did you tell your child they are autistic?


#1

I know there are members of this forum who have autistic children or grandchildren. My son is almost 12 and while I haven’t come right out and told him he has high functioning autism, I feel like I should but in a very casual way. I don’t want to make a big deal about it or make him feel like he’s not smart because he is. Can anyone tell me how or if they have discussed this with their child or grandchild?

Peace be with you,
Maggie


#2

[quote=UtahMaggie]I know there are members of this forum who have autistic children or grandchildren. My son is almost 12 and while I haven’t come right out and told him he has high functioning autism, I feel like I should but in a very casual way. I don’t want to make a big deal about it or make him feel like he’s not smart because he is. Can anyone tell me how or if they have discussed this with their child or grandchild?

Peace be with you,
Maggie
[/quote]

:hmmm: I haven’t told him…never thought of it…he is well…just himself… :confused:


#3

[quote=UtahMaggie]I know there are members of this forum who have autistic children or grandchildren. My son is almost 12 and while I haven’t come right out and told him he has high functioning autism, I feel like I should but in a very casual way. I don’t want to make a big deal about it or make him feel like he’s not smart because he is. Can anyone tell me how or if they have discussed this with their child or grandchild?

Peace be with you,
Maggie
[/quote]

wow! the autistic child I work with… well… is 6 and is severely impaired… I never even thought abou that… ummm… I am not sure…

Laura :stuck_out_tongue:


#4

I haven’t actually told either my 8yo or 12yo sons that they have dyslexia. Actually, I haven’t even gotten the older one tested.

They recognize that they have certain difficulties when it comes to reading and writing, even numbers. We do what we can to work within their boundaries, but I do not allow them to get away with doing less than their best.

I think that the title itself is actually fairly worthless to a child. It gives the adults who work with him or her an idea of which tools to use and how to relate to the child. The label can give the child a sense of doom – I’ll never be able to get this because I’m ____ – or a sense of entitlement – I don’t have to do this because I’m ____ .

Of course, a person has to know, at some point, what his own personal limitations are. You, as the parent and as the responsible adult, have the responsibility of judging when your son has the neccessary maturity, understanding, and perseverance to process the information you have regarding his condition. Odds are, he already knows he’s different, he just doesn’t know the name of that difference. It is up to you to decide if knowing that name will either help him to come to terms with it or overwhelm him with the weight of his differences.

God bless you and him on your combined journey of self-discovery.


#5

[quote=Loren 1of6]I haven’t actually told either my 8yo or 12yo sons that they have dyslexia.
[/quote]

Dyslexia just means “there’s some problem learning, and we don’t know what it is, so we’ll give it a name”. It’s just given a name because it is common, and people aren’t satisfied with “I don’t know what’s wrong”.


#6

I told my son when he asked why he was different (i think he was 9 or 10). He noticed that he would get extra help on things at school. I never described his being autistic as being a negative. It was a difference and we all have differences. He is now 16 and frankly, he is rather proud that he has autism! I have to also tell you that he is now considered very high functioning. When he was first diagnosed, the specialists thought he would never aquire language. He is in a regular classroom at school and considered a good student.


#7

Unforunately, the boy I am close with who is autistic is not mentally able of realizing he is different. Because he can communicate his needs through speech and he has great social skills, he’s considered high functioning (he’s 6) but for him conversation doesn’t go any further than “I want…”


#8

When my son was six, He would always refer to himself in the first person. He could not use pronouns. And yes, his language was all about his needs. He would also quote movies, tv and video’s to express his feelings. There were many times when I felt like a great and very tired interpretor. But “development” is not a single event. It is a progression. I think this is true for faith also.


#9

[quote=Maureen Otness]When my son was six, He would always refer to himself in the first person. He could not use pronouns. And yes, his language was all about his needs. He would also quote movies, tv and video’s to express his feelings. There were many times when I felt like a great and very tired interpretor. But “development” is not a single event. It is a progression. I think this is true for faith also.
[/quote]

Oh yes the child I know quotes everything. One time he did an entinre PBS commercial break! He quotes computer games so he’s always saying "Are you sure you want to quit? " My mom was on the phone with his mom and he was upset and crying and then he started wailing “I want a shark!” from his computer game and when his mom was like “i dont have a shark” he started sobbing “I want an Octopus!” He says the funniest, most random things but it’s really cute.


#10

Dear Maggie - Most children w/ some form of autism know they are different from other kids - it can be very liberating for them to realize that there is a medical reason they are different. My 10 year old son has Aspergers - I told him that God gave him a very good brain, but that it works differently that most other people’s brains - that his brain was great at remembering details, solving problems, and visualizing things - but that sometimes he had problems looking at a situation from another person’s point of view or understanding other people’s feelings. It made him feel better to have me acknowledge his strengths while giving us a chance to discuss his challenges. Sometimes when he’s having trouble understanding a situation, he’ll pull me aside and whisper to me, “You know, my brain works differently than other people’s.” I think that’s great - it’s not an excuse and he doesn’t say it w/ embarrassment - he is just able to acknowledge that he is different, and that’s ok. God bless you, my friend. There are several good on-line groups for families affected by autism - I’ll try to get an address on here later.


#11

For families w/ Aspergers, this is a great on-line resourse udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/ God Bless.


#12

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