How do I Approach My Non-Catholic Girlfriend?


#1

My girlfriend of 1 year now and I began discussing religion last week for the first time. After a long chat I get the feeling that she will never become Catholic and that I have ensured this fact with my sarcastic argument. She is a fairly under educated protestant member of a non-denominational church that seems to relate very closely to the main stream Southern Baptist belief system. In your opinion, how should I begin approaching this volatile situation?


#2

Kind of late in the game to think of this, frankly. I married a non-Catholic over 20 years ago, and even though he's sympathetic, he's not Catholic now, either. He himself teaches the faith to the kids.,...that is, he doesn't say that "the Church teaches thus and so" but "thus and so is true." You might start with whether she could entertain that. If not, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, and Do Not Even Consider Marriage. Let her go to find someone who will be more mutually agreeable as a spouse and co-parent.

PS I don't know what you mean by "fairly under educated", but if I had ever read that my boyfriend had ever described me that way, you can be sure your concerns would be entirely moot. (Double that if he'd ever exhibited a sarcastic streak. Automatic respect is not negotiable.)

Now, cover your ears, I'm going to do a shout out: DO NOT EVER MARRY SOMEONE WITH THE IDEA THAT YOU HAVE YOURSELF A "FIXER UPPER"! EVER!! NO EXCUSES!!! Of course we all think we could re-make everyone we know a little more to our liking, but with a spouse, that is really a nasty thing to do.


#3

Give your girlfriend a copy of Michael Coren's book, Why Catholics Are Right. Tell her that the book will explain why you will never leave the Catholic Church.

After she has finished reading Coren, give her If Protestantism is True by Devin Rose.

It would be a good idea if you would also read these books so if she has any questions or wants to discuss them, you'll be ready.

Jim Dandy
Former Southern Baptist


#4

[quote="pngfutbol83, post:1, topic:246122"]
My girlfriend of 1 year now and I began discussing religion last week for the first time. After a long chat I get the feeling that she will never become Catholic and that I have ensured this fact with my sarcastic argument. She is a fairly under educated protestant member of a non-denominational church that seems to relate very closely to the main stream Southern Baptist belief system. In your opinion, how should I begin approaching this volatile situation?

[/quote]

You could do as another poster said and begin to use Apologetics materials to help her understand where you are coming from . Or you can break up .
You are going to want to be charitable and loving in any discussion you have. Being sarcastic is hardly helpful.


#5

[quote="pngfutbol83, post:1, topic:246122"]
My girlfriend of 1 year now and I began discussing religion last week for the first time. After a long chat I get the feeling that she will never become Catholic and that I have ensured this fact with my sarcastic argument. She is a fairly under educated protestant member of a non-denominational church that seems to relate very closely to the main stream Southern Baptist belief system. In your opinion, how should I begin approaching this volatile situation?

[/quote]

It is unfortunate that you did not discuss religion sooner and had it in mind that she would convert and all would be well.

You now know this is not the case. So, what you need to do is think hard about mixed marriage and whether or not it is a dealbreaker for you (it was for me, I only dated Catholics). If you want a shared faith life, and a peaceful home to raise your children in the Catholic faith, then you might need to realize that this is not the woman for you. If you want to go down the path of mixed marriage, you need to think about it very seriously, talk to your priest, and talk to her. You must promise to raise your children Catholic to receive permission to marry a non-Catholic. Will she agree to this? Can she support that?


#6

[quote="1ke, post:5, topic:246122"]
It is unfortunate that you did not discuss religion sooner and had it in mind that she would convert and all would be well.

You now know this is not the case. So, what you need to do is think hard about mixed marriage and whether or not it is a dealbreaker for you (it was for me, I only dated Catholics). If you want a shared faith life, and a peaceful home to raise your children in the Catholic faith, then you might need to realize that this is not the woman for you. If you want to go down the path of mixed marriage, you need to think about it very seriously, talk to your priest, and talk to her. You must promise to raise your children Catholic to receive permission to marry a non-Catholic. Will she agree to this? Can she support that?

[/quote]

Great advice. You need to open up the door to these discussions with her. If she is steadfast on not even entertaining the idea of becoming Catholic then you must make a decision. If you decide that it is something that the two of you can get past, you need to realize ALL the ramifications of that decision. If you cannot manage something like this, it is time to reevaluate the relationship and possibly move on. As I said to another poster, NEVER compromise your faith.


#7

Thank you for all your advice, it is very much appreciated


#8

On the positive side, at least you are bringing this up now and not a year or two down the road.

I can relate to your situation - - one thing that helped us (my wife and me), was that I took my girlfriend, then fiancee, then wife to mass, to see catholics and know we are quite an ordinary group of people. Many of these protestant groups think Catholics are papist freaks, some even openly call us "devil worshipers" and say we are going to hell because we haven't accepted Jeses as our personal saviour.

In other words, I think there's a lot of bias against Catholics that can be mediated easily.

If she rejects outright an offer to at least familiarize herself with the Catholic church, then you have some decisions to make.


#9

[quote="katolsk, post:8, topic:246122"]
On the positive side, at least you are bringing this up now and not a year or two down the road.

I can relate to your situation - - one thing that helped us (my wife and me), was that I took my girlfriend, then fiancee, then wife to mass, to see catholics and know we are quite an ordinary group of people. Many of these protestant groups think Catholics are papist freaks, some even openly call us "devil worshipers" and say we are going to hell because we haven't accepted Jeses as our personal saviour.

In other words, I think there's a lot of bias against Catholics that can be mediated easily.

If she rejects outright an offer to at least familiarize herself with the Catholic church, then you have some decisions to make.

[/quote]

Yes. Too often, this comes up at about the time the invitations are being picked out. Far better now than later.

You'd be wise to privately talk to some people whose faith you respect who are married to non-Catholics. It can be done, but it is harder than it might look.


#10

[quote="pngfutbol83, post:1, topic:246122"]
My girlfriend of 1 year now and I began discussing religion last week for the first time. After a long chat I get the feeling that she will never become Catholic and that I have ensured this fact with my sarcastic argument. She is a fairly under educated protestant member of a non-denominational church that seems to relate very closely to the main stream Southern Baptist belief system. In your opinion, how should I begin approaching this volatile situation?

[/quote]

Mate, you've got to sort that stuff out from the beginning.

Continue discussing religion, but only if both of you are respectful about it.


#11

Hey everyone - if you are going to date non-Catholics here it is:

You can hope for Conversion but you can never EXPECT conversion. The best you can expect is good co-parenting in the fact that they will agree not to interfere with YOU raising the children Catholic and YOU practicing YOUR faith. This is doctrine. Anything else is gravy - if you can’t accept it don’t date non-Catholics.


#12

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