I feel like I need to take this to confession but I don’t know what to say. But maybe there is nothing to confess and I’m being scrupulous. Or maybe I really do need to go to confession and I’m trying to justify my behavior. I need help from (Catholic) internet strangers to listen to my venting and tell me what to do.
Short version: My supervisor and co-workers have been playing the game called, “let see how far we can push Jennifer before she’ll finally snap,” for years…and I finally snapped. Without warning, and acting totally out of character, I packed up my belongings and walked out on my job with no one trained to replace me. I was tired of the stress and sleepless nights and being blown off when I bring up a concern. I was scared for the health of my unborn baby and tired giving the leftovers of myself to my husband and children. I wanted my supervisor and co-workers to experience how hurt I was, but in quitting I know I hurt the GM and the whole company, which I did not intend.
Long version: I worked in the billing office of a home medical equipment for the better part of a decade. I worked on the Medicare billing team for 3 years, quit to be a stay at home mom for 3 years, then worked on the Medicaid billing team for 4 years. I was the laughing stock of the company because I practice NFP so everyone knew it was just a matter of time before I got pregnant and quit again. But I was also the brain because I memorized the Medicare and Medicaid policies in their procedure manuals and knew how to utilize the software better than anyone else; this showed because people, those in other parts of the billing office, respiratory therapists, rehab workers, the GM, everyone, came to be multiple times a day asking me for help so much that it was inhibiting the quantity of work I could get done. I would even get phone calls from doctor’s offices, in town and out of town, calling me for help because I had such a reputation. You’d think my supervisor would be understanding in why I constantly had piles of work in my baskets but let me explain her personality.
My supervisor, SG, has mood swings lasting 3-5 weeks. During that period of time she’d be the happiest person in the world, so delightful to talk to and cracking jokes and laughing. Then she’d turn…and scream at everyone, including me, for the most trivial things. If I was already using the fax machine when she wanted to, I’d step aside and allow her to, but when she saw I had 3 faxes already in progress so she’d have to wait for her confirmation page (I offered to bring it to her desk), her face would get red, she’d clench her fists and her whole body would shake in rage while she screamed at me. One day my internet connection was not working so I could not access our software so I contacted our IT department but instead of waiting, doing nothing, I moved to the desk of the only coworker that was gone sick that day so I could log on and work, but her screen was locked. Our IT department had come in at night to update everyones computer and locked our screens when they left. I told SG my dilemma and her face turned red, fists clenched, and she roamed around the whole office screaming at me and everyone that the next person to lock their screen is going to be fired. Others had to calm her down and remind her that even her screen had been locked that morning because of IT. We ended up calling the sick coworker to ask her password so I could log on and work til IT fixed my internet connection. These are only 2 examples of her explosive character.
I understand that no matter where anyone works, only 20% of the people do 80% of the work. I am the 20%. But we also operated in 2 categories: the workers and the friends. Those who were friends sat around her desk chatting all day, or went out on smoke break with her, pop open cans of beer at 10a.m. to start drinking, wasting the vast majority of the day, and asked her to pull strings by writing off charges on invoices they didn’t feel like billing. The GM also wrote up SG for billing illegally for her friends once. I was the worker so I was yelled at when a friend made a mistake. SG fired another worker when a friend made a mistake. SG constantly breathed down my neck, demanding I explain myself if the on-hold sales order report looked a little long, or if she thought I had too many papers on my desk. (to be continued…)