How do I convince myself that I don't need a girlfriend

I’m 20 year old guy and never been in relationship with a girl before.Most of my friends are in the relationship. But for me there is nothing more important than to be with christ.

Well it all depends. If you discern a call to marriage, then having a girlfriend would be a good and proper thing for you to do. In this case, your marriage would be a totally valid way for you to be with Christ. I’m married myself, and I can tell you that marriage is a wonderful to grow in Christ. Obtaining virtue can sometimes be a matter of sink or swim, and nothing will teach you perseverance, patience, or self-denial as quickly as being a husband and father. This is a good thing!

On the other hand, maybe you are discerning that you are not called to marriage and that is great too. You have a lot of great options in that direction. If all you are feeling is peer pressure but no real interest, then just no that the path of your friends is not your own. But if you are really torn over this and feel drawn to dating and having a relationship with a good Catholic lady, it’s perfectly okay to take this as an indicator that you should explore this area more fully. Meet some nice young women and get to know them. There is absolutely no sin and no taking away from Christ involved in chastely pursuing relationships with the opposite sex with the potential for marriage. That’s how God makes many new Catholics!

So you would like to be ordained?
That’s wonderful.
Why do you believe Christ would not be present in a marriage?

May God bless you in your discernment.

It does not sound like you need convincing… do you want to explain your lack of a girlfriend to your friends?

Anyway, if you need convincing, why do you want a girlfriend? The answer would make it easier to answer your question :slight_smile:

Well, you don’t “need” a girlfriend - you might want one, but you have to consider why. Do you want one because your friends have girlfriends, or because you want to know what having a girlfriend is like? Is there a girl you particularly like?

There’s nothing wrong with being 20 and never having been in a relationship. If you consider Christ as the most important relationship in your life, focus on that. You shouldn’t think you “need” a girlfriend to fit in with your friends, and if that’s how you feel, maybe you should find some more friends with similar interests to you.


Marriage is a sacrament, which means that Christ is present and gives the couple His sacramental grace. Marriage is a beautiful, and sometimes very difficult, vocation!

If it isn’t your vocation, that’s one thing. But I don’t think you can know what is your vocation by being closed to any one of the alternatives. A vocation will well up from your heart, and if you close your heart to any vocation, you may miss your true calling.

You may not feel called to marriage (of which a girlfriend is a first step), but never say never. Some day you may run into a good Catholic girl that shares your love of Christ. She may be what God sends to you, not as a test, but as a gift. He means that as a way of giving you a vocation and a path to more, not less, sacramental grace. If you are closed to that gift, you may deny yourself your true vocation, and be miserable in the vocation you force yourself to believe is yours.

You must keep your heart open and be mindful to how God calls you. I’ll always remember what a monk told me. In a difficult period in my marriage, I was lamenting to my spiritual director that I wish I had discovered the monastery before I married. He replied that it was wrong to think that, that God had me exactly where He wanted me. Eventually we overcame that difficult period to enjoy the happiest years of our marriage.

A vocation is somewhat similar to falling in love. When you land on it, whether it be the right girl, the priesthood or religious life, it will be as unmistakable and overwhelming as falling in love.

Until that happens, keep your heart open and pray to God to show you the way He has in mind for you.

Well the most important thing for all of us is to be with Christ, married or not. I am confused on whether or not you are discerning the priesthood, or if you just think that you are called to be a single lay person.

Either way, I wouldn’t overthink it because that just leads to doubt, trust me. Don’t force anything, just pray and let God take you where you need to go

You don’t have to. You can love Christ and a girlfriend, or not, as you prefer.

It is hard to be single in today’s world.

The Bible says unmarried people are better able to focus on God than married people.

Let it come. Maybe a wife is in your future just don’t push it. You try to get your life straight. Like with school, career, family, God. The girl will come if one is in your future.

I would like to be a priest.

THAT’S GREAT! Then no, you don’t need a girlfriend :smiley:

Somehow I don’t think that’s what he means.

You need to be honest with yourself .Others should, in turn, should respect your life choices. The priesthood isn’t all about “rejecting” women.
It’s about feeling called to work in the vineyard as an ordained person. You would serve in a very different way than a lay person. Presumably your friends would be mature enough to understand the concept. You should see the Vocations Director in your Diocese. He deals with this daily and will have some good advice for you.
Good luck!

Yeah well most of your friends’ relationships will be failures:rolleyes: (statistically speaking of course, since I don’t know them). So if you like you can put yourself through that drama (and a girlfriend, whose time you will also be wasting) Or if you like you can go straight to the main event which you stated in your later post. In terms of not fitting in with your friends, you might find more like-minded people in your stated vocation path. Try and see if it suits you.

Hi ES. I too am and ES!

Theology of the Body. Study that for answers you are looking for. St. John Paul II figured it for us through the grace of the Holy Spirit upon him. Check out Ascension Press for TOB products.


Here’s a very important advice I was given by a vocation director; She said if you feel called to religious life or priesthood - you should at least experience having a relationship with another person to really discern if you are being called to marriage or celibate life. Only then will you really feel/know/understand which call God is asking of you.

Not having that experience and able to discern it, can also complicate your formation or even your ministry later on in life when you get exposed to women. It is not unusual to develop feelings for the opposite sex that you encounter in your life and ministry. Even Thomas Merton fell in love with his nurse when he was already a priest and had to struggle with it.

So before you continue to discern your life in holy Orders, give yourself time too to discern marriage as well. Ask the Blessed Mother’s intercession to help you find the path God is asking of you.

Before I even read the replies, my first question to you would be, why do you think that you do? Yes, there are social pressures, no doubt, but they need to be seen for what they are. But why does Christ’s and St Paul’s preference for celibacy (provided one is able to handle it) hold the burden of proof in your eyes?

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