How do I deal with a catholic who has an SSA?

I know the teachings about SSA and homosexuality from the Church. I’m pretty wary about it…This has been going on for some time. This girl keeps on texting and calling me. She’s a Catholic, a servant in the Church. She’s been giving me suggestive acts that she’s gay. She joked one time if I could have a relationship with her. I still befriended her. She keeps on giving me this attention until one time I confronted her. She did not admit anything I was planning to teach her the Catechism the but got on hold because I respected her silence.
So I decided I would not anymore get involve with her…

First, if she’s really gay I would provoke her inclinations and if she’s not then I don’t see the necessity of the friendship though because
Second, she has a great ministry, she has a great set of family and catholic friends
(although If she did have some serious family issues or problems I wouldn’t resort to this)

I havent seen her for a long time. Last week she called and texted me. I didn’t reply. Yesterday I saw her at the Church and she looked longingly at me again. We talked a little then she remarked that she felt bad I’m not giving her time.I feel guilty distancing myself from her. Did I do something bad against her? I mean I want to be chaste and obey God but I’m not really comfortable with the attention she’s giving me. I’m afraid if I did entertain her again this would provoke the stuff.

Pope Francis says who am I to judge? but then how must I really act on situations like this one?

This is a difficult situation. What a person affected by SSA needs is healthy same-sex relationships (non sexual). But her advances tend to drive normal same-sex people away.

If possible, tell her you would like to be her friend, but make it clear that a sexual relationship is out of the question.

Peace,
John Marie Philomena

Its a long video worth the watch:

The Third Way vimeo.com/93079367

Hope it helps. One question: Do you have a spiritual director? They can offer insight into your discernment of how to help and what to do and NOT to do.

ah i told her that. but like what you said the advances can’t be helped. I’ve had similar experiences with heterosexual advances but I was okay with it knowing that such inclinations are normal or in order. While persons with SSA are different, their inclinations are disordered (in a sexual way)–that’s when I really felt uncomfortable about it (or is my understanding of the catechism wrong?)… I was thinking I might be provoking this inclination–which may lead me and her to to sin little by little by toleration. She might think such things are really acceptable and in the end ask out other girls in the future (That’s why I was planning to teach her the stuff).

I have watched the third way and its awesome. I know that we should love and respect persons with SSA. The only thing with this lady is that she’s not familiar with the catechism, I cant bring her yet to that point.We’re not holding the same foundation though we’re both catholic and in service. So I ask for prayers

I do. I discerned about it…and my spiritual director confirmed to me that I should be avoiding her. Once I disobeyed, I went into a severe temptation. I haven’t seen her for months and I thought that I’m okay with her. But just lately i saw her, and I thought she forgot me—but she’s still as aggressive as she was before. I’m kind of tired of avoiding her…I also feel guilty doing this to her…I’m curious why she’s like this to me (I mean I dont know if she’s gay or not)…what does she want from me? I really want to ask her that. I see she’s looking for something. I dont know exactly what that is. One thing I am afraid, perhaps I have some mission towards this person and I’m repelling because I have overlooked the real thing.i don’t know if what my S.D. is advising me still applicable until now.

Why don’t you tell her how you feel? That she’s making you uncomfortable? She may have different ideas about the reciprocity of her feelings if she is gay, and she may merely be unaware of how she is acting if she isn’t. Be polite in doing so, but if you do, her behavior will likely change around you.

Personally the worst thing for me as a lesbian was when a straight girl felt uncomfortable around me and didn’t tell me why. I freaked out, not knowing why I upset her. Most of the time I wasn’t even going after her.

The thing is months ago, I confronted her and told her everything: my uneasiness and stuffs.She apologized and we had a deal that she would not make advances. I thought it was it. But when I saw her again, it’s as if I never said anything :smiley:

I dont really know her side but it’s been months and here she is again trying to communicate with me. I don’t really know her intentions or what is my mission towards this person.

Pope Francis and of course Jesus Our Lord - teach us about judging -or rather not judging.

But what does judging mean?

blog.adw.org/2010/06/correcting-the-sinner-is-not-being-judgmental-it-is-an-essential-work-of-charity/

blog.adw.org/2009/11/fraternal-correction-the-forgotten-virtue/

How are we to help our brother? *(and he us) (from Pope Benedict XVI): vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20111103_lent-2012_en.html

(start second paragraph)

That being said - in this case one does not know for sure the intent etc of the person in question - so as always give the “benefit of the doubt” and as the Catechism notes:

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another's statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.280 

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#IV

(I give that as a general aspect for us always to follow.)

Giving the benefit of the doubt though does not mean that one turns a blind eye or ignores what has been done or said.

And that does not mean though that one cannot or ought not judge in terms of your choices that being around the person is not the way to go etc. Done of course with love.

Take her aside and tell her one more time. Make it clear that you will have to cut off your friendship if her behavior stays the same. Be firm but polite. If she breaks her word again, keep yours.

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