Well I see by that reference to Seinfeld and the Schindler’s List Making Out Episode that you at least have a sense of humor.
Have you tried humor?
What about taking one thing she has said that is pivotal (and rediculous) to the situation and repeating it in your head everytime you are about to gossip or bad-mouth her? For instance I worked for a very high-strung, unreasonable, probably unbalanced French woman for a while. She had no children so all us youngin’s who worked for her were treated as her “children” albeit not in a healthy mother/daughter relationship – but an abusive one. While we were young we would constantly gossip about what this lady had done to us recently. Finally, we all came to agree that when things got too bad or crazy we would simply relay her own philosophy and move on:
“It’s never too early to over-react!”
I still laugh about this saying, and use it when I am acting the fool in my own life. The good Lord knows I don’t want to cause those aorund me drama or insanity at my hands! So I think of it and quickly apologize, adding inmy favorite quote which usually makes people laugh. I am 7 months pregnant – the tendancy to snap, or over-react is quite HUGE right now. Just like me…
You can borrow it if you like! It has so many possibilities doesn’t it?
Well you are praying about it, you are CONFESSING about it, however you are missing one startegic point in overcoming it:
YOU – alone – are allowing it.
Meaning you allow her to p*ss you off. You allow her to get into your head enough that she’s with you even when you are not at work. You allow yourself to obsess and focus on it. Even if she drives you nuts and you have to work with her everyday, it’s YOU who allows her to get under your skin.
I think what it comes down to is control. You want to change the situation for yourself and other’s at work. You want her gone because she causes disharmony. Obsessing on it doesn’t hurt HER though, it’s not forcing her out – it’s only upsetting you! You find a sense of control in the situation in bad mouthing her because you feel it releases anger…but really it only breeds even MORE anger and resentment. Your control though, you need to really look at that. Is it because she really is a big impediment or because she doesn’t do things as efficiently or quickly as you would? Some people just rub us the wrong way. If that’s the case, stay away from her as much as possible.
Have you thought about saying the Serenity Prayer as you walk into work and before every moment you step into a situation with her? “Lord, Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.”
You can’t change her, obviously. You can’t force her to do her share of work or pick up slack because she’s not going to do it. You can choose what you allow to get to you though. Maybe you could journal some of the stuff she’s doing that you find “unfair” and non-teamwork and eventually present it to your boss in a calm and peaceful way, addressing it as concerns and not in anger?
Or maybe, if your co-workers are fed up with the same behavior you can all pick up her slack and leave her with nothing to do? If she’s not useful to the company…well…and besides, instead of waiting around for her to do things she won’t and it stressing everyone else out – take it on and get the JOB done. You’ll feel better and less-resentful. Keep journaling it though, you and your co-workers, and eventually it’ll work out. But try and do it for the good of your company and your co-workers, not out of hatred for her, or for her to find another job.
Go in peace with this, and know that what comes around goes around, God will make sure of that. You change your attitude and I bet things get a lot better at work.