How do I feel?


#1

Apparently my xh's married gf is pregnant. They just started letting people know a couple weeks after our divorce. Apparently they are not telling people that it is his but is fairly apparent. This is one of the two women that he was seeing during our marriage which was abusive. I am saddened for them both. I feel that I need to go back to confession because I am angry. I have already filed for the decree of nullity. I just also worry about her as well as I do not believe she knows how under his control she is at this point. I am partially venting because I can't vent anywhere else without it being gossip. God bless.


#2

Anger is a normal human reaction and emotion. It's what you do with the anger that makes you end up in confession....

You stated that you are saddened for them...please, please know that this is the Holy Spirit giving you an ounce of compassion for this situation. Compassion for their souls!

All you can do is say a prayer for them and even if you can't do that ... it's okay. You are human. It will come in time.

God bless you.....Dana


#3

Joan,
what a tough thing to find out. You say that you are angry, but you still have the compassion to be saddened for them, which is incredible. I would be all rage and blinding fits of anger if it were me. Anger alone is not a need for confession, as far as I know. Letting it consume you or drive you to do mean things is when it becomes sinful. From all your posts on your divorce, it appears that you are dealing very gracefully with the situation. Prayers, your compassion given the situation is astounding.
You are brave and strong!
God Bless,
M


#4

Granted - as much as confession is not *required * for the venial sins it does help with them. Cleaning them out does help stay away from the mortal sins. Because let me tell you if it had not been prayer and sacraments I would have been a real you know what about this whole thing. I know when everything happened I wanted vengeance and I was difficult and it cost me a friendship or two - but things are better when I am prayerful and stay close to Him. Right now I just can’t believe how far this man is from the man I met and married. On good news I spoke to the tribunal and they told me everything appears to be in order and I should be hearing from them next week in order to make my appointment for testimony.


#5

Praying for your difficult situation, and for all marriages. Peace.


#6

Thank you svid - it is difficult - heading to mass tonight - will take an opportunity for confession this weekend. I try to go every other week so this is just once a week instead. It is what it is. I found a great quote today and i think it helped - ‘To the extent that you pray with all your soul for the person who slanders you, God will make the truth known to those who have been scandalized by the slander.’
–St. Maximos the Confessor

The funny thing is he walked around telling everyone I was the crazy wife and everything I was saying was a lie - well how is this going to be my fault except that I drove him to it. But I can’t think like that - it only hurts me in the end and separates me from the relationship I want to have with God.


#7

I just thanked God for getting you away from him.


#8

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:7, topic:233635"]
I just thanked God for getting you away from him.

[/quote]

Thank you for that as well!


#9

I am sure that you have a lot of compassion for this woman. No doubt you wish you could help her to understand what your ex is really like. I know how disturbing it is to see these narcissists ruining so many people’s lives…and there is nothing we can really do about it since they aren’t breaking any laws except God’s.

:grouphug::hug3:

I’d buy you a coffee and let you vent if I lived nearby!!!


#10

Moving to Louisiana in the Fall - I will send you my number when I am on my way down in the Fall. God bless.


#11

I know I would be hurt if a man mistreated me and told everyone it was my fault. However, do you seriously think people worth their salt would believe him? Perhaps he says things like ‘She drove me to it’ and they just nod their head (rather than argue with him because they know how that will end up) But please ! Who on earth would really believe him???

Keep following Christ and people will see the good fruit you bear and won’t care about what your ex says

CM


#12

[quote="cmscms, post:11, topic:233635"]
I know I would be hurt if a man mistreated me and told everyone it was my fault. However, do you seriously think people worth their salt would believe him? Perhaps he says things like 'She drove me to it' and they just nod their head (rather than argue with him because they know how that will end up) But please ! Who on earth would really believe him???????

Keep following Christ and people will see the good fruit you bear and won't care about what your ex says

CM

[/quote]

To a point you are right - but this was a two year project and he had the power because he was the main teacher in the business that we owned - what he said went. I still have a friend or two and they are worth everything.


#13

It is normal to feel angry in a situation like this. Don’t you think God is angry at the way things have turned out too? Anger is just a feeling; so long as you don’t take it out on anyone, it’s okay to feel this way. If you don’t acknowledge it, it will turn into depression.

I too am very angry at my ex at the moment, because his actions are really starting to hurt our children. Sometimes anger is justified.


#14

I'm praying for you tonight, Joan!!


#15

Praying for you, Joan. Actually, I’ll pray for all involved. Sounds like the gf needs some clarity of mind. :frowning:


#16

Yes and she is still training in the martial arts which normally would not be a bad thing but I do not trust my narcissistic xh for a minute. Please pray for the safety of that child.


#17

uh, did you say that she was married, too?

wow. just, wow.

and I completely agree, you seem to be handling this as awesomely as possible..


#18

Yeah - I did say that.


#19

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.