Hey how is everyone going, I have been going through a mess the last year and a half, I posted a plea here over a year ago, and I can’t thank God enough because it is no where near as bad, back then I was at home didn’t want to study or work both of which I am doing now.
But what has happened is that somehow I have got into a habit of worrying or needing to worry about something since then… I have seen a psychologist and personally I think they don’t help at all especially considering what I am facing is based with my Catholic beliefs.
What my issue is that I have started to write people these letters of apology… something I wish I had never done, I have been told by a few people since then that it is not needed as a person who does not forgive on their own is I believe committing a sin. But what the issue is that me with my OCD is that I kept writing writing and writing and I sent it all and I feared the replies I would get, anyways I got one reply two didn’t reply and that was it, but I done this through facebook, so those of you who are familiar with facebook will know how the wall posts go etc, what I done was because I am so worried about all this, I also posted on their walls that I had left a message in their inbox… my mum has told me this part was unnecessary as its as though writing someone a letter then ringing them to tell them that you sent one… but anyways I posted it on their wall by tagging their name in a post on my wall, on one I got a reply, one the other I got nothing, then I checked through the persons facebook wall to see that my message is not there on that date 8th of July, but neither is it on the persons who replied to me, I know that the person could have and probably did remove it of their wall by clicking the X next to the comment as the posts are still on my wall tagged and all, but I have been thinking the worst that I deleted them on my own or something? which doesn’t seem rational but anyways its just been eating me… my mum says its best to fight the urge to do anymore fixing as I also personally believe it is as when a scrupulous repeats their penance but I fear that this will lead me to hell
I just need some peace and to relax before Uni starts again, if anyone believes it is a mortal sin to not apologize constantly then please I know it sounds bad but don’t post :S I just don’t need more weight on my shoulders, from my personal experience I have got bullied so much in the first year of high school and yet I have nothing against the person who done it and have him as a friend on facebook and would gladly hang out with them if they wanted to, is this what I should do? and is this something others should do without me wasting my entire uni holiday on writing letters of apology thinking something isnt right, fearing I will go to hell for it and worst of all this is frustrating me to the point where I have found my self shouting and being angry at my family friends and God himself… is it best to just forget about it all ?