I am really having trouble forgiving 2 people in my life, one more than the other. I don’t want to get into specifics, but I will say that there was some emotional abuse and lies involved. Unfortunately, they are people I have to deal with on a regular basis. They are my son’s father and stepmother.
I want to forgive. I need to forgive. Jesus wants me to forgive. So why can’t I? I know the pain that I have is great and this really colors my spiritual and emotional life, not to mention my dealings with them. The anger is great, partly because what they did was wrong, partly because it hurt my son, and partly because it doesn’t even seem to affect them. It’s like they don’t even care. Or maybe they just don’t get it. You want to know how angry I am? I am looking forward to the day when this woman tells me that he has been abusing her and I can look at her and say “Why are you telling me? You knew he was doing this to me and you shrugged your shoulders. You even helped him. What made you think that he wouldn’t do this to you? You made your bed, now lie in it!” But that day may never come. One of us may die before then, or the two of them may be converted and he really changes. So, obviously, I can’t hold on to this. It’s making me sick inside, wishing that he would… you fill in the blanks-I’ve probably thought them all.
The one thing that I don’t want to do is put myself in a position where I am hurt again by them. Everybody gets hurt by someone more than once; I understand that. But since he is abusive I need boundaries. I don’t want to be friends, but I do want to show them God’s love. I heard once that you can be friendly, but not be friends. Isn’t that a lie? And I am not even sure what that means anyway.