How do I get my husband more interested in the faith/spirituality?


#1

Hubby is a wonderful man. He’s one of the most humble, loving people I’ve known, but he’d much rather play his video games than pray or go to church. I’ve always been interested in seeking union with God, he’s content with simply being acquainted with Him (he somewhat reluctantly agreed with this sentiment, when I gently pointed it out to him). He’s content with Mass on Sundays, once a month Confessions, and weekly adoration. I’m very grateful he does these things, but they are things his family had always done, so they’re in his comfort zone, I would say. Everything else, he is almost impossible to motivate to do. He hates reading, so getting him to do some spiritual reading is almost useless. Although he agrees that praying the rosary is a good thing, he really hasn’t much interest in actually doing it. He always forgets daily prayers and sees no point in going to daily Mass once in a while. He’s a smart-a** (proudly so), so I think getting him to take most anything seriously is pretty difficult.

I’m sure I’m not the only one with a spouse like this, any suggestions?


#2

the same way you would try to get your child, mother, or brother interested in the faith. Back off and don’t appoint yourself as an in-house spiritual director. And concentrate on your own lived faith, your own sacramental and prayer life. Demonstrate in your own life your joy and completeness through living in Christ so his light shines through you. One adult has no business dictating to another adult what level of outward spiritual activity qualifies as “enough.” Few of us are qualified to judge the depth of another’s spirituality, much less the condition of their soul and it is dangeous to try. If you are looking for specifically areas where you can both be more involved in faith matters together, look to service that you can do together or alongside each other. Service is the answer.

Some aspects of your description could apply to my husband or to other men I know well, but that outward observation would be deceptive. I realized some time ago that what I assumed was a minimal prayer life or time-wasting, compared to what “works for me” was actually the life of a man deep in contemplative prayer and very advanced in understanding and living out the faith. I could not see it both because I am too close to him and because I had not enough maturity or experience in spiritual things to recognize or judge. Still I would never have dreamed of criticizing or challening him, any more than he would my own very different “style.” We are now able to discuss much more deeply matters of faith and practice of the Christian life, where as years ago we just did not go there, and that is important because we are now much more together in life decisions that flow from that faith.


#3

[quote="puzzleannie, post:2, topic:205957"]
the same way you would try to get your child, mother, or brother interested in the faith. Back off and don't appoint yourself as an in-house spiritual director. And concentrate on your own lived faith, your own sacramental and prayer life. Demonstrate in your own life your joy and completeness through living in Christ so his light shines through you. One adult has no business dictating to another adult what level of outward spiritual activity qualifies as "enough." Few of us are qualified to judge the depth of another's spirituality, much less the condition of their soul and it is dangeous to try. If you are looking for specifically areas where you can both be more involved in faith matters together, look to service that you can do together or alongside each other. Service is the answer.

Some aspects of your description could apply to my husband or to other men I know well, but that outward observation would be deceptive. I realized some time ago that what I assumed was a minimal prayer life or time-wasting, compared to what "works for me" was actually the life of a man deep in contemplative prayer and very advanced in understanding and living out the faith. I could not see it both because I am too close to him and because I had not enough maturity or experience in spiritual things to recognize or judge. Still I would never have dreamed of criticizing or challening him, any more than he would my own very different "style." We are now able to discuss much more deeply matters of faith and practice of the Christian life, where as years ago we just did not go there, and that is important because we are now much more together in life decisions that flow from that faith.

[/quote]

I'm awful at putting things into words so I'm sure I deserved that. Hubby and I talk about everything, we have very good communication with each other and I do know him very well. I'm not criticizing him or putting him down in any way, nor am I trying to force anything on him. We have candid conversations about everything, including our faith and spiritual life and he sees a deficit as well and does want to improve- but he isn't a contemplative at all- he truly doesn't think about or remember God all that often. Even the things I say we do do (mass, adoration, etc.), we only do these things because I remind him- when left to him, he completely forgets and isn't troubled enough to find ways to remember in the future.

Its only because I love him that I want to help him find ways to remember God and build more of a relationship with Him. I ask him if I am just nagging him and would he like me to stop trying to bring more spirituality into our family and lives but he says that he very much appreciates it and loves that I care enough to make the effort. He knows how he is and wants to improve, but our styles are so different and what gets me motivated doesn't get him motivated so I'm just looking for ideas to give him. He's certainly free to use them or not at his own discretion. I'm not trying to force him into anything, but he appreciates some gentle nudges as much as I do. Isn't it our vocation to try to help each other get to heaven? He helps me in many ways.


#4

I actually just spoke to hubby and told him about my post, in case I was wrong and am just being harsh/judgemental. :o He says not at all, he has no idea why he’s so forgetful/unmotivated, these are things we have spoken about before and he says hes actually excited now to see if anybody responds with some ways that might help him to get there. :thumbsup:


#5

If he isn’t interested in reading then maybe he would like some movies, tv, radio, or podcasts. I am personally looking forward to The Catholicism Project and The Reformation Project. I also listen to Catholic Answers Live, and am checking out Word on Fire. Rosary Army has a rosary podcast and there are rosary apps. One family I know had a lot of success with the husband and sons by making rosaries while praying the rosary together. They were just action oriented and it was hard to sit still and pray until they had something to do with their hands.

Visual reminders could help him think about God more often, like a statue in your garden, a painting in your home, or just a book of beautiful Catholic artwork he could flip through. Practicing male Catholic friends would be ideal, though they seem hard to come by.

If he doesn’t, he could wear a crucifix, scapular, and religious medals. He could confess spiritual sloth when he does go to confession, and receive the grace from God to overcome his lack of motivation.

Puzzleannie is right about concentrating on the way you live your faith though. It’s great to give your husband aid and ideas in his walk with Christ. The more you increase in love, virtue, and holiness the more you will inspire people around you to do the same.


#6

The problem with your husband seems very commonplace these days.

To many of my male friends, and even some of my female friends, have simply stopped growing. Everyone I seem to know is just to complacent! Everyone is wrapped-up in some form of mindless entertainment, such as your husbands video games. Big screen TV’s, non stop sports, mindless TV entertainment, computers, I phones, I pods and all the other junk clogging our lives has taken us away from truly growing in our personal and spiritual lives. These devices have become our gods! When I see people lined up overnight for the latest techno-junk, I am in complete disbelief. Would they line-up if there Church told them that Jesus is coming there tommorrow? I almost doubt it!:rolleyes:

Your husband hates reading. Well, to bad!:wink:

Read, learn your faith, read about the saints and there amazing lives! And if you must have the TV on, then put EWTN on…

True growth will only occur when one is willing to get back to the basics in life. We all, not just your husband, need to put alot of this junk aside to really put God back in the forefront of our lives.:slight_smile:


#7

Why don't you ask him to read a book with you at night before you go to bed? You read out loud for ten minutes one night, and he does the same the next night. Why don't you ask him to join you in a rosary --or even a single decade of the rosary-- each night? Those might work.


closed #8

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.