How do I handle this situation with mom and dad?


#1

I had a fight with my parents. I was furious over something that happened and I felt justified in my anger and in my actions. I saw my niece spurting blood from her mouth. I hurt my foot and couldnt walk. It was like a nightmare unfolding. I screamed for help for ten minutes. My mother and father did not hear me. I tried to keep my niece calm. I told her to breath, not to freak out and everything would be ok. She was barely coherant for a few minutes and not making sense. She said her head hurt, and she felt like throwing up and passing out. I prayed for the strength to some how go and get the phone. I went to my room, and the phone was literally dead, I panicked. Called for help again, and was thinking this is not happening. I took a moment to calm myself down, tried to get up, my foot pain was making it very hard to walk. I finally mustered the strength to get up and walk to my dads room even though I felt like passing out myself from my own pain. I was scared to death. My parents actually got mad I woke them up and disturbed their beauty sleep. I told them I couldnt believe what I was hearing. I said that if that was truly their reaction I wasn’t the one with the problem I wasnt overreacting and something was wrong with their morality. I was also forbidden to contact her mother and father,or call and ambulance and they said I had to not do it because of the commandment to honor my parents.I did it anyway, and got a hold of her mom and dad, and they took over from there. But I seriously am beside myself with anger. How can I live with people with this little regard for life? They told me I am not an adult and dont get to make the judgement call to call for help. They are the elders and I must obey them. If she had died I never would have forgiven myself. I cannot believe this really happened to me. What do I do now?


#2

By the way I am an adult, I am a disabled 39 year old, not a child, even if I am their child. Am I not right about having the right to call for help?


#3

This is tough MaryClare. I believe you did the right thing. You are an adult and you have the ability to know when someone needs medical attention. I’m glad you called your niece’s mom and dad. Blood, vomiting and a bad headache can be serious. Your parents are your elders and you live with them, however in a true emergency you must place the life of the injured person over what mom and dad say. Life is precious and belongs to God. Life always trumps obedience. Prayers for you and your situation. Is your niece okay?


#4

If a child is ill or injured, the child’s parents have a right to know and act.


#5

The way you describe it, your niece was showing some very serious symptoms. Maybe your parents didn’t realize that or thought it wasn’t as bad as it really was; I would hate to think they would deliberately refuse to call for help when they knew their own granddaughter could be seriously ill or dying. But it certainly was not wrong of you to call for help since you believed it was a matter of life or death and you had no reason to think otherwise. You are an adult and your parents should not tell you otherwise.

I hope your niece is okay. Did she have to go to the hospital? What did her parents think?

Pray for your parents, and pray for the grace to forgive them and for the patience you need to live with them.


#6

You were completely justified and did the right thing. That child needed her parents and an emergency visit to the doctor. They had every legal right to know and needed to be informed immediately.

You should also tell her parents about your parents not wanting to tell them about the emergency, because that will influence them in the future if they feel safe leaving their daughter with your parents as caregivers.

I am shocked by your parents behavior. I wish you weren’t in this situation, I’m so sorry. I really have no advice on how to continue living with them at this point…so just lifting you up in prayer.

Prayers for your healing and for your niece…I hope she recovers quickly and is ok…I’m quite concerned.


#7

You need to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy for your parents. Then ask God to forgive them. Finally, find a suitable time to explain to them nicely.


#8

@MaryClare , I think it is rather condescending of your parents to speak to you the way they did .

Is this their normal attitude towards you ?

If it is you and your parents have a big problem which needs sorting .


#9

If you are in the US, you can dial 911 from any charged cell phone (even if it has no service plan). You can also plug an old fashioned land line phone into a jack on the wall and dial 911 even if you do not have land line phone service.

It sounds to me as if it is time to work with the resources in your community to move out.


#10

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. When push comes to shove you do what is the most important in the situation no matter who gets ticked off at you. You are so right. If that child had died there would be more than angry parents to deal with. God Bless you for doing the right thing.


#11

Yeah, the 4th Commandment doesn’t apply when they’re telling you to do something wrong.

You’re a good aunt. Don’t let your parents tell you otherwise, or say you’re not an adult.


#12

Correct. It’s possible that they simply weren’t understanding the situation, but telling you that you have to do what they say is completely wrong.

If it’s an emergency, call 911 or the equivalent in your area regardless of what anyone tells you.

They’re wrong. You are an adult and you were also the only one who could possibly have made a judgment call on the matter.


#13

What is really wrong is that if someone with a disability, mental or physical, is treated as if they had the I.Q of a newt Not always the case, but I see it often enough. At the age of 39, I think I would try to find other living arrangements through an agent, charitable group or counselor. I also wonder how you have been treated in the past.


#14

AMEN amen amen.


#15

You were right to call her parents and do what they tell you to do…more, if you believe that any prudent adult would do more.


#16

They deliberately refused to let me call anyone for help and I had to disobey them. And they told me I was being immoral and sinning. I cannot even believe it has gotten this bad.


#17

I told my sister everything that happened, she has a right to know.


#18

Charity and mercy are not sins or immoral. Unless you are physically unable to move you need to find a different living situation. I would love to meet your parents…well, maybe not. I would also like to know how your neice was injured in the first place and how old she is.


#19

I’m glad you did. What was her response to your parents saying that you were sinning by ignoring their order to not call for help? How did she respond to the whole mess? If it was me, I would have been beyond FURIOUS at your parent’s behavior and would never let my kids stay there without a parent.

Does your sister see the terrible situation you are in? Can she help at all? Can she get your parents’ pastor/priest to come and talk to them?

It just doesn’t seem a safe situation for you if you have a medical emergency and your parents ignore your pleas for help. I would recommend that you get one of those emergency medical bracelets that let you call for help. You could have used it in this situation with your niece, by letting you call 911 for help since it was almost impossible for you to reach a phone.


#20

I’m surprised the OP managed to survive to adulthood under the care of such people.


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