My son is addicted to alcohol, drugs and gambling and other various things that help him escape the memory of 7 years of malestation. From age 10-17. He has been in and out of jail, rehabs, and court mandated programs such as home arrest, alcohol braceletts and drug courts. Nothing is working. During his time of jail sentences and rehabs, I have supported him with visits, prayers, and being a recovering alcoholic myself, I also try to follow the steps and support him that way. I know and accept that God has a plan, but in my own selfishness as a mother, I would prefer that he was blessed with a spiritual sobriety, rather than his pain being used for the wellness of others. Now after saying that, I feel awfull about that feeling, so I supose I need help with that also. My youngest daughter is recovering from a heroin addiction and is on her way to recieving blessings, but I am trying to also guide her to release her false sense of guilt and the anger that she precieves to be from things in her life that just are not fair. Her anger comes out in her body movements and attitude. Her job is in jeperdy because of it. She is a dog groomer and has a problem with not haveing the team work that she desires, where as most responsibilities fall on her. She wants to change her attitude but doesn't know how.
I've been sober for a year and 8 months, so I know where your kids are coming from.
Sadly, there isn't alot you can do. The addict decides when they want to get sober. Pray for them, don't enable their behavior-don't give them money-and pray some more.
i'm 26 years sober with a very addicted son.
the things i have chosen to do in order to not propmote his addiction have been excruciating to me.
there is noting-- that's ZERO NOTHING I can do to make my adult son (BRILLIANT, HANDSOME, FUNNY son) sober. there is NOTHING i can do to hasten his bottom. after some catastrophe, we think, "surely he must be done now. how much more can he take?" and he surpises and saddens us-- he's not done and he can take much more agony.
i storm the gates of heaven on his behalf. i made a deal with GOD-- all my tears equal prayers for my kids healing and conversion. so in this way, i'm praying a double ton of prayers for my son.
i pray for the healing of his memories-- he has abuse history too. i pray prayers of deliverance. i pray that most of all, he dies in the arms of God-- whether i have the consolation of knowing it in this life or not-- I beg that from God.
and i remember, GOD wants my kid whole and holy more than i ever could. so i trust Our Father in heaven to love my kid.
i suggest you get into al anon. work the 12 steps ala anon way. and i suggest you direct your daughter toward a good sponsor and therapist. but you cannot-- simply CANNOT-- be her sponsor. however you feel you failed your kids (and we addicts and alcoholics have failed our loved ones A LOT) your daughter's sobriety is her own terrain. support but dont sponsor. dont analyze her. dont try to fix her. if she's fairly new at sobriety (5 years or less) she's going to mess up a lot of behaviors and decisions. it's just that way. growing pains suck.
you should listen to her problems but be able to say, "that sounds like something you need to talk over with your sponsor/ therapist." and leave it alone.
the WHOLE family will suffer if ANYONE acts like it's time to make up for all the failure and pain. that is NOT ammends. ammends is a sincere adnmittance of wrongs, an even more sincere request for forgiveness and an even more sincere commitment to live well and generously and self-lessly and soberly and as part of the solution DESPITE whether or not others have forgiven you.
Keep loving them and being there for them, but under no circumstances, should you support them while they are doing all that.
Keep in mind what addiction really is. We are all made yearning for a perfect love which can only be fulfilled by God. We will always have an "emptiness" inside until we are fully reunited with Him.
Mother Theresa of Calcutta once told a group of American priests, "Do not come to India to help us. The greatest starvation is not in India, but in the United States." She was, of course, speaking of spiritual starvation. In Calcutta, some people were so starving that they would put dog manure in their mouths to try to fill the void. But that was only physical hunger. However, the same is true for spiritual starvation. When we are starving spiritually, we will put anything in our souls to fill up the void, including things which can destroy us.
Everyone has given good answers. I want to add, that it is said, it takes prayers and pain to bring someone out of addiction. I had both. I benefited from the prayers of my mother and father. I got sober 22 years ago while they were on a pilgrimage to Medjugorie.
All you can do is pray and then pray some more. My 2 children from a previous (anulled) marriage, now 38 and 40 have both struggled with addiction. My daughter (abuse issues) has been in and out of institutions, treatment, rehab and most recently prison since she was 15. Over the years I've had to learn to pray (put her back in the God Bag everytime she jumped out) and to never give her money. I now have legal custody of her 10 year old daughter because neither of her parents could or would protect her from an abusive older brother. The disease is generational. I just hope that my husband and I can make a difference for my granddaughter. I don't think I could go through this a second time.
You will be in my prayers always. Every morning my GD and I say the morning offering and ask God to bless everyone we love and everyone who needs our prayers.
and to never give her money.
oh, yeah, tis. this is part of the excruciating stuff i’ve chosen to NOT support my sons’ drug habbit. even when he was in the worst of dire straigts, no money.
my twenty bucks will not, simply CANNOT, fund his next overdose.