How do I impress his Catholic mom?


#1

This one’s for the mom’s. . .

I’m meeting my boyfriend’s **very ** Catholic mother this weekend and I’m a little nervous that she won’t accept me because I’m Episcopalian (which I joke is Diet Catholic, :)).

Any advice on religious things to talk about that we might have in common?
What kind of a girl would you like your son to bring home? What would she do that would impress you?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!


#2

How Catholic is very Catholic?


#3

Catholic enough to go to pro-life rallies, run youth groups/marriage counseling groups and I'm pretty sure she actually believes that homosexuality is wrong. Too me that's **very **catholic, no?


#4

Those activities aren't your "cup of tea"?


#5

Just be yourself and your MIL will see why her son loves you.

I wouldn't rush into a conversation comparing and contrasting the two faiths on your first meeting.


#6

Oh, I will steer clear of any sensitive topic if I can but I'm afraid she won't. I hear she's very . . . adamant. How can I steer it into a positive conversation if it does happen?


#7

You fear being honest about the practice of your faith?


#8

Are you discussing this with your fiance? He should help guide you on meeting his mom.


#9

It might help to have a code word for your boyfriend if you stumble into territory you'd rather avoid. In jokey situations "How 'bout those Mets/Lakers/Martians?" works well but if you're nervous you could have a whole other conversation outlined ahead of time.

Her: Blah blah somethingthatmakesyoureallyuncomfortable blah
You: Oh, I just remembered I wanted to ask you about your asparagus crop! BF says it was wonderful this year! How do you even cook asparagus?
BF: Oh yes, Mom's always proud of her asparagus!

You get the picture. If all else fails, spill wine on yourself for an excuse to leave. :D

One thing, though. Your comment upthread that you're "pretty sure she actually believes homosexuality is wrong" strikes a wrong note. The Catholic Church teaches that it is. The way you have phrased it here sounds very condescending to me.


#10

[quote="loveisgood, post:1, topic:218636"]
This one's for the mom's. . .

I'm meeting my boyfriend's *very * Catholic mother this weekend and I'm a little nervous that she won't accept me because I'm Episcopalian (which I joke is Diet Catholic, :)).

Any advice on religious things to talk about that we might have in common?
What kind of a girl would you like your son to bring home? What would she do that would impress you?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

[/quote]

Bring her a rosary as a gift, and go with your boyfriend to the priest of the Parish and ask that he bless it.


#11

She might not.

I would not lead off with Episcopalians being “Diet Catholic.”

You are meeting for the first time. Politics and religion should not be on the topics of discussion. How about, “what a lovely home you have.” Or, “nice weather we are having.” Or, “how abou those Packers.”

it’s hard to know what you DO have in common. There are some pretty “out there” Episcopal parishes and diocese (a la Spong), theologically speaking, and there are some very orthodox ones as well. So, without knowing you it’s hard to tell where you fall.

A Catholic one.

She would be a devout Catholic who does **not **refer to a person who is prolife and “actually” thinks homosexuality is a sin (news flash-- it’s a mortal sin against the Sixth Commandment and can readily be found in the teachings of the Catechism of the Catholic Church) as “very Catholic” as if it were something strange and unbelievable.

If my child dated someone who was “actually” pro-abortion, that person would NOT be welcome in my home. Period.

Sorry, you probably won’t like my advice.

I’m sure you are nice person.

You sound like a person who wants to make nice with a woman because of her son, but you are not going to be successful if you truly are at odds on the moral teachings of the Church. If you hold the average Episcopalian belief system, she will not be in favor of you dating and/or marrying her son. I wouldn’t be. And, I’m a former Episcopalian.

If her son is devout you should probably reconsider dating him. And, if he is moving away from the faith-- well, that’s not good either.


#12

Just be yourself, lig. If she likes you, fine. If not, it might not matter much to your BF anyway. BTW, I always got along fine with my in-laws, who were Catholic and have now passed away.


#13

[quote="loveisgood, post:3, topic:218636"]
Catholic enough to go to pro-life rallies, run youth groups/marriage counseling groups and I'm pretty sure she actually believes that homosexuality is wrong. Too me that's **very **catholic, no?

[/quote]

No one is teaching that homosexuality is wrong. It is wrong when one engages in sexual activity that is sinful.


#14

If you and your boyfriend are getting serious, I suggest you convert. :p

I come from a very close-knit Italian Catholic family. We pretty much give our boyfriends (and they better be Catholic) a list of what to expect. Poor souls never stand a chance no matter what, though :D.

I'm just kidding. I hope things go well for you!

Christians of any faith are called to love and accept others. She will love you for who you are. That being said, we Catholics also live a life of trying to bring more people to the Church, ("Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations." Matt. 28:19). If you support homosexual unions, for example, don't take it the wrong way when a Catholic, perhaps your boyfriend's very Catholic mother, tries to explain what the Church teaches.


#15

I am a mom of an adult son who has dated non-Catholics (one ex of which I keep in touch with!). I also believe everything God teaches through His (Catholic) Church. My dad and many relatives are Anglican.

Having said that, my advice would be to just be yourself: be kind, honest, helpful, and charitable. Prior to the visit, pray, telling our Lord of your fears about meeting her, and ask Him for the visit to go well for everyone involved. Then leave it in His capable hands. Just because she is "very Catholic" doesn't mean you have to talk about religion! Find out what her other interests are and share with her what yours are. Focus on what you have in common.

If she accepts the teachings of Our Lord, she will be looking for the good in you, for Jesus in you (and I would encourage you to look for Him in her). As for any theological differences, I would think that she will pray for you and, when an opportunity arises, have a charitable conversation with you about the topic, why she believes what she does.

Other than that, find out a little, at least, about what the Catholic Church actually teaches and why, and use a source that is loyal to the Church's Magisterium. Three good sources are: vatican.va, ewtn.com, and of course, catholic.com. At the very least, this will help improve communication between you.

And remember, nothing is ever as bad as we think it will be! You are in my prayers.:)


#16

I think several of the responses on this thread have been condescending and rude. Hopefully, if you love her son and treat him right, she will love you in return. Not ALL Catholic mothers would go ballistic if their son didn't marry a carbon copy of themselves, although clearly some on THIS thread would.

Barbkw, I don't think she fears being honest about the practice of her faith (snarky question, to say the least). I think you probably know that SHE like anyone, wants to make a great first impression on her future mother-in-law and wants to start off on the right foot.

1ke, put the gun back in the holster. She didn't actually say she was pro-choice, just that the mother goes to pro-life rallies. Regardless, not welcoming a pro-choice person into your home is not very Christian and certainly not what Jesus would do. I have had multiple civil discussions with people who were pro-choice (in my home...gasp!) who, after hearing information that they did not know before, totally changed their opinions. You're not gonna win anybody over to your side by barring the door to them, that's for sure.

To the OP, try to relax and be sweet and charming and talk to her about her son, ask if she has any baby pics of him, etc. As a proud Momma myself, we like nothing better than to talk about our baby boys, no matter the age.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

BTW, I thought the "Diet Catholic" joke was cute :)


#17

[quote="1ke, post:11, topic:218636"]
She might not.

I would not lead off with Episcopalians being "Diet Catholic."

You are meeting for the first time. Politics and religion should not be on the topics of discussion. How about, "what a lovely home you have." Or, "nice weather we are having." Or, "how abou those Packers."

it's hard to know what you DO have in common. There are some pretty "out there" Episcopal parishes and diocese (a la Spong), theologically speaking, and there are some very orthodox ones as well. So, without knowing you it's hard to tell where you fall.

A Catholic one.

She would be a devout Catholic who does **not **refer to a person who is prolife and "actually" thinks homosexuality is a sin (news flash-- it's a mortal sin against the Sixth Commandment and can readily be found in the teachings of the Catechism of the Catholic Church) as "very Catholic" as if it were something strange and unbelievable.

If my child dated someone who was "actually" pro-abortion, that person would NOT be welcome in my home. Period.

Sorry, you probably won't like my advice.

I'm sure you are nice person.

**You sound like a person who wants to make nice with a woman because of her son, but you are not going to be successful if you truly are at odds on the moral teachings of the Church. If you hold the average Episcopalian belief system, she will not be in favor of you dating and/or marrying her son. I wouldn't be. And, I'm a former Episcopalian.

If her son is devout you should probably reconsider dating him. And, if he is moving away from the faith-- well, that's not good either.**

[/quote]

I'm right there with you. Since the Anglican Eucharist isn't valid, it would be problem for me if one of my sons started dating an Episcopalian. The Episcopalian church in America does not believe that the Bible is the revealed word of God. There has been a huge split world wide because of the stand on homosexuality and the Bible. I would be asking my son why he is gravitating toward someone of a different faith. Someone is going to have to convert, and I'd really rather they meet nice Catholic girls.


#18

[quote="lil_flower_luv, post:14, topic:218636"]
If you and your boyfriend are getting serious, I suggest you convert. :p

[/quote]

In case you missed the smiley, lig, this would not be a good reason to convert (at least by itself). As CS Lewis once wrote, the only reason to believe something is because it's true.


#19

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:17, topic:218636"]
Someone is going to have to convert,

[/quote]

No, that's not true.


#20

[quote="masuwerte, post:19, topic:218636"]
No, that's not true.

[/quote]

Um, yes it is true. Episcopalian does not equal Catholic!


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