How do I say "no" ?

If I’ve posted this previously, I apologize. Something strange is going on with my machine…

In any case, I saved the text of my “original” so here it is:

She’s a Methodist and he’s a Catholic. I don’t know how they make it work, but they do." - That is how a frind of ours introduced us to his brother.

I firmly believe that “we” are not making it work. The only thing keeping her from choking the **** out of me is the intervention of the Holy Spirit. His grace is what is making our marriage work, and I am eternally grateful.

Even so, after 7+ years, it looks like I am coming up on my first test and do not know what to do.

My wife has asked me to attend church with her next Sunday. All I could manage was a lame “I’ll ask Father”.

So, how do I tell her that I may not attend a non-Catholic church without offending her (or coming across as some pompous you know what)?

On the other hand, does charity demand that I go to church with her?

well, it clearly does not fulfill your Sunday obligation. Maybe you can start with telling her that. Then she can join you at your service after you attend hers?

I am confused. After 7 years, does she not really have a strong sense of your faith?

My best suggestion? Buy a Green Scapular and hide it under her side of the bed. Pray for converison. I am not being flip. You are a perfect living testimony at how difficult mixed marriages can be.

God bless you and peace to you.

I really don’t think that’s it at all. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that sometimes she feels vulnerable and needs extra reassurance that my Catholic belief is not somehow a rejection of her worth as a person.

Havn’t tried the scapular yet, but I have been praying.

Thank you

[quote=Munda cor meum]I really don’t think that’s it at all. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that sometimes she feels vulnerable and needs extra reassurance that my Catholic belief is not somehow a rejection of her worth as a person.

Havn’t tried the scapular yet, but I have been praying.

Thank you

I will add you to my prayer list for conversions then, friend. Honestly, the best I can offer you is the scapular idea. It is powerful and does work.
PM me if you need more info on the scapular. All ya gotta do is have it blessed, hide it under her side of the bed or such like that. Maybe under her side of the car seat…and pray the daily prayer, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.”

Love the Green Scapular.

Well, first, it’s my understanding (and I’m a musician who regularly attends non-Catholic services in order to play) that you can certainly attend her church, as a visitor, but it does not satisfy your Sunday obligation, so in addition to attending her church, you need to make your obligation. Whether that means attending a Saturday vigil, and then going to her church on Sunday, or going to Mass before or after her services is up to you and whatever Mass/ service schedules are at your particular churches.

In the past, Catholics were discouraged from attending Protestant services, because in the relativistic atmosphere that’s been the case the last hundred plus years, some thought that it “satisfied” the Sunday obligation. And it didn’t help that the Feeneyites, well-intentioned though they may have been, breathed “anathema” to the* idea* of attending a Protestant service, whatever the reason.

But since the 60s, Catholics have been permitted to attend non-Catholic services for good and sufficient reason. With the vast increase in “mixed marriages” in the last 50 years, “good and sufficient” often means that the Catholic partner attends the non-Catholic services and the non-Catholic partner attends the Catholic services. . .at least, that’s the “best case” scenario where both partners exercise their duties in their respective faiths with the full consent and help of their partners.

So, you know you have to make your Sunday obligation. Looks like you won’t have a vigil (it being Christmas on Saturday); but you can almost certainly make Mass and her service, right? If you can’t because the times conflict, you can ask your priest to excuse you from attendance on Sunday with the proviso that you attend a Mass on the weekday before the next Sunday after this one, that Mass fulfilling your Sunday obligation.

Has she regularly attended her church and you yours? It seems this is something new, but surely it didn’t come out of the blue? Has she ever expressed an interest in RCIA? It’s nearly Christmas–buy her a lovely rosary and a booklet on how to pray–and I heartily second jrabs’ advice on the green scapular, too.

God bless you and your dear wife.

Go with her to her church and then also go to Mass either before or after. Invite her to Mass but if she refuses don’t let it bother you. This will show her you love and respect her but also show her that you firmly believe and live your faith.

I’m not sure just why she wants to strangle ya, but that’s generally a bad idea. Maybe you need to change your responses to her a bit. Remember how it was when ya first fell in love? How did ya talk to her? We decide to love. Decide again.

As for going to church w/her, I would follow the advice that says that she attends w/you as well as you w/her. The best answer is for her to go w/you but you gotta be consistent in your Christian walk, she sees ya as ya are up close & personal… You have no option to not attend Mass.


She goes with you to the Midnight Mass on December 25 (which is actually Sunday, December 26), then you go with her later in the day. Would that work? Midnight Mass is a glorious experience that should thrill both of you.


I am in the same situation as you are - I am married to a wonderful man who happens to be Lutheran. We made a commitment at the time we were married, even prior to that, to attend each others Church each Sunday. I spoke to a priest about it before I agreed and he said it would be okay, as long as I do not use the Lutheran service as a substitute for Sunday Mass.

We have been married for 12 years and have kept up with this commitment. Our Sunday mornings are full - we attend his service at 8:30, he teaches Sunday School from 9:45 to 10:45 and then we attend Mass at my church at noon. There are exceptions where we skip one or the other if there are other things going on that day, but for the most part, we do this every Sunday. The pastor of my parish has even said that my husband, the Lutheran, attends Mass more often than some Catholics!

He agreed to raise our two children as Catholics and they attend our Parish school. His children from a previous marriage (he also agreed to an annulment so we could marry) attended a Lutheran school. Our faith is important to both of us and this is how we choose to work it out. It is not always easy, and I do pray constantly for his conversion. Whatever happens, God is with us and in our marriage.

God bless you both!

The precepts of the Church bind all Catholics under pain of mortal sin:

  1. You shall attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation.

  2. You shall confess your sins at least once a year.

  3. You shall humbly receive your Creator in Holy Communion at least during the Easter season.

  4. You shall keep holy the holy days of obligation.

  5. You shall observe the prescribed days of fasting and abstinence.

The faithful also have the duty of providing for the material needs of the Church, each according to his abilities.

Dear friend entered the Church 2 yrs ago at Easter, she was methodist, married 20 yrs to a Catholic, 3 kids. she decided since she promised to raise them Catholic she would learn everything she could about the faith to see they were properly taught. Until 2 yrs ago, they attended Methodist service and Catholic Mass together as a family every Sunday. She came to awareness and belief in the Real Presence all at once “like falling down a rabbit hole” she says, and that was it. Go with her, and invite her to Mass. You have to face what to do when you have kids, since you promised to raise them Catholic, so set the stage now.

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