How do I show a man I'm interested?

I’m developing feelings for a man at my Parish. I know he notices me so I was wondering how I could show him I’m interested or make myself more approachable at Mass?
I’ve never been in a relationship before so I’m very nervous/cautious/unsure what to do.
Thank you.

  • Rose

Well, one thing you might do is sit, on occassion, in the next pew, front, or behind, so that’s a bit of a hint. You can give him a smile and a hand shake to show your good intentions.

It really depends on what sort of guy he is. Some of us are pretty shy, so that would mean you need to be brave and just go and talk to him. Like, maybe you could find a way to talk to him a bit after mass. I would recommend that.

Some of us guys are quite shy, and we may not be brave enough to approach a gal we like. I think it’s not that uncommon for the gal to be more active.

Also, try to put yourself in some social context where you’re going to get the chance to interact with him. It’s nice to have some kind of excuse for talking with someone sometimes. If there is some parish activity that he is involved with, try to get yourself also involved with that same activity.

Don’t be afraid. Just go and talk to him. Introduce yourself, if you haven’t already, and chat with him a bit. If he has some interest in you, he will let you know after you’ve hung around him a little bit.

He may like you back, or he may not, but at least you can say you tried.

God Bless!!

Padre Pio might recommend you pray to His Guardian Angel first! Or maybe he said, tell your angel to go and speak to his angel. Kind of funny, but it might just work.

If it’s part of Divine Providence, things will work out fine. So have courage. And I wish you all the best!

These days it’s a lot easier for woman to make the first connection, so go for it. As in any friendship that you would like to groom approach him after Mass and ask if he would like to get some coffee. Or, if your parish does a social time after the Mass ask him to join you. Try something simple that has no pressure and just try to form a new friendship and see where it goes. Reaching put to a fellow parishioner is always a good thing.

Here’s a sure fire way:

During the homily, run up and shove the priest aside. Then break into Celine Dions renditions if I’m Your Lady!

If that don’t work, become a Eucharistic minister and scribble your name and number on his bread.

Or buy ad space in the bulletin. Make sure it’s next to the upcoming quilt raffle (prime space) and try a haiku.

And if that fails, try “hi, I’m Rose.”

Great advice, thanks!

Try this one:

“Some friends and I are going out tonight to do blah blah blah [visit the new hardware store/tip cows/go roller skating]. Wanna come? Here’s my phone number.”

If he’s not interested, he’ll say no.

If he is interested, he may still say no (there might be scheduling issues or the activity may be somehow unsuitable), but if he has any savvy, he’ll know that you are interested, and he’ll be able to make a counter invitation. (“I’d love to go cow-tipping with you, but I’ve got a terrible hay allergy. How about roller skating Saturday night?”)

So, you have a decent chance of a yes and an opportunity to get to know him better, but you may still get a no if he’s not interested or is terribly shy/socially awkward/etc. But it’s the best shot you have.

You’ll notice that in this situation, you are inviting him to a group thing, so it’s not technically a date and so you aren’t being excessively forward.

Good luck!

Making a point to sit near him at Mass is a good suggestion. Trying to strike up a conversation with him afterwards is good, too. The more time you can spend with him, the more comfortable you both will be around each other.

To be honest, though, guys can be very clueless if the signs are too subtle (or maybe that was just me :o). You might need to be more direct in order for him to really get it.

Not to say that it’s all up to you. I’m a big proponent that guys need to be bold and take the initiative, even if they are shy and hate rejection. And I say this as a guy who was painfully shy and really abhors rejection. I think a guy needs to get over those things and put himself out there if nothing more to show the girl that she is worth the risk.

But still don’t be surprised if he doesn’t pick up on it. Thinking back on my life, there were girls I was very interested in who I convinced myself wanted nothing more than friendship. And yet I now recognize they were pretty clearly sending me signals that they reciprocated those feelings and I was too clueless to notice. Ah well, live and learn. I’m married now, so it all worked out despite my cluelessness. I learned my lesson and was bold when it counted. :slight_smile:

Well that did make me laugh.
I just have such an unfriendly Parish though, nobody introduces themselves.

I want him to be the one to ask me out. I asked a man out once in my life and it went terribly for me. I figure if he doesn’t make a move then he’s not interested.

I just wanted to show him I’m interested by the way I conduct myself around him so then he can feel more comfortable getting to know me.

Most of us guys are terribly dense and unobservant. Subtle might work with 5-10%.

Make the excuse to introduce yourself and chat a bit by being a greeter before Mass. As you see him arrive, say “Good morning, welcome to xxxx parish. My name is xxxx. So nice to see you here today!” If you already know his name, then you can go with “Good morning . It’s good to see you today. Can you save me a space in the pew?”

After a couple of weeks he might get the message, especially if you find him after Mass (at the coffee & donuts, pancakes, etc. that many parishes have on a recurring basis) and chat.

Honestly he is just as nervous and uncertain as you are at this point.

Don’t mistake a lack of introductions for unfriendliness. People are generally coming to Mass to meet God, not other people.

Incidentally, in my single days I would have LOVED to have met a woman at Mass. What a great start for a couple! I would maybe sit by him, catch him on the way out on a day when the parish has an event after Mass. “Were you planning to go to the pancake breakfast? If that’s not your style I know they make great coffee at X place. Of course if you aren’t free right now but have some time this week would you want to get together and chat?”

Have a plan for something to do, and have a backup plan, and if neither of those work, see if he has a spare hour for you another day.

I am normally more traditional than most, but if you want him to know your interested, be a little more assertive. Ask him if he wants to go get a cup of coffee. Plain and simple.

Hmm…Invite him to a parish event where you will be in attendance also…is one way.

Or if flyers are being given after mass, volunteer to give them out and invite him to the event…be it a breakfast, selling tickets, etc.


One time I was eating lunch with a coworker. (summer job during college) She said, “Sometimes it gets lonely, eating dinner by myself.”

Me: “Yeah,” as I shoved a grapefruit wedge into my mouth. And I thought, ‘I wouldn’t mind going out with her.’

Hours later, the notion hit me, “Hold on a sec…I think she was prompting me to ask her out…” :shrug:

After college, at my first real job. A young woman asked about my dating life, which was all but not happening. She said, “Don’t you ever get lonely?” I said, “Yeah, maybe. Not much.”

Again, hours later I thought to myself, "Hey, I wonder if I asked her out if she would’ve said yes…’ :shrug:

Peace and all Good!

This is almost exactly what I was going to say. I’m also a very shy guy was at one stage of my life famous among my friends for my cluelessness when it came to picking up hints from girls.

Blue_Rose, don’t get discouraged if at first the man seems oblivious, sometimes we can be a little slow to catch up with these things!

That’s fair. I would say that smiling and being friendly goes a long way. The more you talk to him, the more opportunities he will have to make a move. :slight_smile:

:rotfl: I think you’re doing pretty well if it only took you a few hours to figure it out. For me, it was years. :stuck_out_tongue:

I took a girl to a dance in high school. I asked her on the spur of the moment because she just found out her previous just-as-friends date to the dance got grounded. So I figured it was a just as friends thing. The dance served as the catalyst for me to have a huge crush on her. The day after the dance, we went to an amusement park with some other friends and we spent a lot of time holding hands while waiting in line for the rides. A few weeks later at her graduation party, when I was leaving her house, she followed me outside to her front lawn under the pretense of asking about the goofy card I gave to her (thereby giving us some one-on-one time), but all I could think about was, “Man, my Dad is going to be annoyed if I keep him waiting in the car” so I quickly ran off after giving her a half-hug. And then I pined away all summer wishing that she liked me in return. It was only after reading through my journals about five years later that it struck me, “I think she probably liked me.” :blush: :rotfl:

I’ve made my peace with being a living stereotype of the clueless guy. :o

Be near him, strike up a conversation after Mass. Pray that he is not too clueless to see the interest on your part. I’ve been there … this one might not be answered if he is as dense as I once was.

This one had me cackling :rotfl:


And maybe you’ll start a trend of friendliness if your advances are not reciprocated in a romantic sense.

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