How do I tell my family I'm agnostic, with atheistic views?


#1

Well, I have a hypocritical family, and it’s hard to say it. I used to be theistic, but I’m not anymore. I don’t judge others beliefs; but I just don’t believe anymore. How do I tell them I just don’t believe anymore? I used to be born-again, but I just don’t believe anymore. My mom claims she’ll “love” me no matter what. But, when I tried to tell her, she cussed me out. She doesn’t even go to mass anymore, she’s Protestant now. She says she’s a “believer”, yet I know the bible and CCC better than she does; and I don’t believe anymore. She judges what I listen to (I’m a metal head, but I listen to death metal and black metal also), yet she doesn’t judge the immorality there is in ©rap music. I’m tired of living a lie.

They judge me, and say I’m going to “hell” and praising Satan. Yet, they’re hypocritical. Swear, get drunk, etc.

Why can’t they actually set examples, like Saint Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II? I don’t believe anymore, but I do respect the Patrons and Saints.


#2

Just because I listen to some Darkthrone, Burzum, Dark Funeral, Immortal, Emperor, Mayhem, Gorgoroth, Bathory, Carpathian Forest, doesn’t mean you have to judge your own son.

I also listen to death metal too. \m/ I don’t like rap music anymore, it’s just stupid. I also like Classic Rock.

My favorite death metal bands: Vital Remains, Deicide, Cannibal Corpse, Vulvectomy, Cephalotripsy, Behemoth (Even though they’re Blackened Death, I’ll still consider them death.), and a lot more I can’t name. Death, Morbid Angel, Morbid. There’s a lot more, I just can’t name them.


#3

What's your Dad saying?


#4

Read some philosophy.


#5

I would say follow your heart. Try to have a strong relationship with your family. I’d say be open and honest about your feelings and beliefs. If your family does not respect your beliefs, you will have to work on it more, but in the end you have to be true to yourself.


#6

A good friend of mine decided the Bible was a bunch of fairy tales one day. His wife didn't kick him out of the house. We both prayed for him. After his first child was born, God spoke to him. His wife went from Methodist to Catholic. He's now an usher at a Catholic Church near their home. God loves us and is always there for us.

Peace,
Ed


#7

I don’t know how old you are, but I’m guessing on the young side of 20. Being a teen is hard, there’s a lot to figure out, and sometimes it seems like your family just isn’t what you want them to be. Try to step outside of yourself and remember that your parents are just human. like you, like the neighbor, your teachers, your priest. If they make mistakes, or are making mistakes, you don’t have to make life-changing decisions based on your reaction to those mistakes.

do you have another adult in your life that you could talk to about this sort of stuff? a grandparent, aunt, uncle, priest? Take a deep breath and relax. God still believes in you and is still there for you, to guide you and help you through this.

Even if every person in your house, school, city turned out to be total hypocrites, that doesn’t mean you should turn your back on God.


#8

Would you agree...that there is a big difference between...worshiping/embracing Satan and his evil ways (inadvertently or advertently)... and being a hypocrite/swearing/getting drunk...a believer but a real sinner in need of God's mercy?

When your parents die...they will have a chance to be in heaven...simply,...they are sinners who need God's mercy and His graces for purification (except the saints...all believers fall into this category). You...well only God can judge your heart and your motives....in spirit and truth.

Remember this...you can fool your parents, me, and even fool yourself,...but you can't fool God...and "close" only counts (for points) in horseshoes...if you die without God's mercy and sanctifying grace in your soul...you will get to meet the characters in your songs. And...by the way...rap music may be very sinful...exploitive...filthy dirty...even subversive...and sound like (c)rap...but is is not devil worshiping. The stuff you listen to (if I understand you correctly) embraces Satan and his evil ways...a big difference...would you agree?

Sin is not the "show stopper"...its only when sinners don't call their sins...sin...that is when the "show is over"...God's mercy won't jump over your free will...if that is the truth in your heart.

Don't follow you feelings or your heart...find someone holy and good...someone who gives and sacrifices for their fellow man/neighbor...and follow them...they will be used by God to lead you to Jesus in spirit and truth...then you can really rock...forever!

Hope this is somewhat helpful...maybe generates a thought about how good you really are...most importantly how much God wants you to return his love for you...forever!

Pax Christi


#9

I'm 16. My parents are divorced. My parents just don't even accept my true self. Just because I find darkness beautiful, love Transylvania, fascinated with death, hate sunlight, love Winter, love the night time, don't want to do what humans these days do, doesn't mean anything. I was homeschooled, and got put into a school (which I absolutely hate), and my mom doesn't accept the fact I don't do what others do. I'm not self-conscious, I'm not popular (I don't care because I'm very introverted), don't form cliques, and have no clue what the mainstream artists are these days. She favors my other brother over me, same with my dad. My dad is sort of understanding, but he's as bad as my mom. They just don't accept my true self. Yes, I like reading about serial killers, but so what? It's interesting to see how the human mind works. I told my mom I was misanthropic (I had to tell her what misanthropy was), and she started screaming at me. She gets mad because I don't like this new guy, that she calls her "boyfriend".


#10

All he does is say how weird I am. It’s annoying…


#11

Well, if I'm embracing Satan, then I'm embracing him.


#12

=i need helpp;7848922]Well, I have a hypocritical family, and it’s hard to say it. I used to be theistic, but I’m not anymore. I don’t judge others beliefs; but I just don’t believe anymore. How do I tell them I just don’t believe anymore? I used to be born-again, but I just don’t believe anymore. My mom claims she’ll “love” me no matter what. But, when I tried to tell her, she cussed me out. She doesn’t even go to mass anymore, she’s Protestant now. She says she’s a “believer”, yet I know the bible and CCC better than she does; and I don’t believe anymore. She judges what I listen to (I’m a metal head, but I listen to death metal and black metal also), yet she doesn’t judge the immorality there is in ©rap music. I’m tired of living a lie.

They judge me, and say I’m going to “hell” and praising Satan. Yet, they’re hypocritical. Swear, get drunk, etc.

Why can’t they actually set examples, like Saint Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II? I don’t believe anymore, but I do respect the Patrons and Saints.

So my friend,

Unbelief usually has a foundation. Why do you not believe in the CC?

No doubt mom and family would like to know why you no=longer believe?

God Bless,
Pat


#13

[quote="i_need_helpp, post:11, topic:239325"]
Well, if I'm embracing Satan, then I'm embracing him.

[/quote]

Any chance you could go to a different school?

Get involved in some activities at your school--sports or theater. Most kids need a 'schick' of some sort--they get good grades, are athletic, play a musical instrument, are in theater,--something that sets them out.

I think you're depressed. Any way you could get some therapy for this?

The Unitarians have very active teen groups and they are often agnostic/atheistic. Any UU churches near you? Same thing for the Quakers.

A lot of young people are fascinated by death and the weird. I was, and one of my daughters was--she was a little younger than you, tho', when she went thru this stage. I bought her books about 19th c freaks. This sort of interest is normal, often the next thing after dinosaurs.

Avoid talking about religion. Develop some pat answers and stick with them. This is generally a good idea anyway--avoid talking about religion and politics. You might learn to say, "I have no set beliefs" or "I I am not interested in religion" or "I don't talk about religion--people can make up their own minds"--or something along these lines.

Don't let yourself get roped into arguments about religion--there's no winning them anyway, as you might notice on this forum.


#14

your thread title does not match up with your post, which is about your families views and actions, not your own. Why do you need to tell them anything? When you do have something to say, if you explain that you have come by these beliefs by your own study and investigation and search for the truth, rather than as an emotional reaction to what you perceive to be their personal failings, it will probably have more relevance.


#15

When did you start embracing darkness and start disliking people? Was your folks’ divorce pivotal in that? Their establishment of other relationships?

I read your paragraphs and it sounds to me like you’re shutting down and trying to hide away.


#16

Oh hon, I don’t think you want to.

You want your family to accept your true self, don’t you? Truth is important to you, isn’t it? It’s so important that you will stand up for your belief (or in your case, your ‘unbelief’) even when it would be more ‘comfortable’ for you to lie or even just stay silent.

So since Satan is lies, and you are strongly for truth, you aren’t really for Satan.

He isn’t really for ‘death’ either. Jesus is the one who overpowered death, but you’ll note that He let death keep its proper place. . .for it is proper that all die. . .until ‘the end of time’. If you find death interesting, you’d find Jesus more interesting because He experienced it, He transcended it, He made it the gateway to eternal life instead of to eternal ‘nothing.’

You find darkness interesting? Nothing wrong with that. People seldom appreciate the light unless they have experienced or understand the darkness. It seems to me that you could be a powerful voice of understanding.

When my kids were 16 (the youngest is now 25), I’m sure that I was NOT as helpful as I could have been, nor was I as good as I thought I was. I’m grateful that as we all grew older we all gained understanding and were able to forgive each other for the times we failed as well as thank each other for the times we didn’t.

You sound like an interesting person, not somebody shallow and superficial who doesn’t even try to live and learn. Your parents must have something to be able to have given you the courage and the ‘drive’ to know, even if it’s hard for them to show it now. . .

A great saint once said, “This too shall pass.” You will probably come out of your teens with more empathy and understanding than many people, even though the price you’re paying now is more unhappiness and misunderstanding from others. You’re in my prayers and God bless you and your family and help you to find that understanding and mutual respect in each other that you need.


#17

Your not half as evil as I was. I played dungeons and dragons while I listened to Black Sabbath and Guns n’ Roses! I was a teenage atheist for alot of the reasons you are enumerating. People who go to church often forget that church is a hospital for sinners. We go to church because we are sinners and recognize that hypocrisy in ourselves needs to be fixed. We do not go to church because we think we are better than other people. Anyone who does is missing the point. Those kind of people can be real pains in the neck, but if it helps any, being an atheist, or telling them you are an atheist will not do anything to help you or them. Do you think they will suddenly stop complaining about your choices because you told them you are an atheist? Of course not. So whats the point?


#18

[quote="i_need_helpp, post:1, topic:239325"]
Well, I have a hypocritical family, and it's hard to say it. I used to be theistic, but I'm not anymore. I don't judge others beliefs; but I just don't believe anymore. How do I tell them I just don't believe anymore? I used to be born-again, but I just don't believe anymore. My mom claims she'll "love" me no matter what. But, when I tried to tell her, she cussed me out. She doesn't even go to mass anymore, she's Protestant now. She says she's a "believer", yet I know the bible and CCC better than she does; and I don't believe anymore. She judges what I listen to (I'm a metal head, but I listen to death metal and black metal also), yet she doesn't judge the immorality there is in (c)rap music. I'm tired of living a lie.

They judge me, and say I'm going to "hell" and praising Satan. Yet, they're hypocritical. Swear, get drunk, etc.

Why can't they actually set examples, like Saint Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II? I don't believe anymore, but I do respect the Patrons and Saints.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:

Agnostic, with atheistic views?

Interesting.

The need to explain to your parents, infers something about your age.

Not unremarkable to swing to and fro concering your perception of God, throughout your life.

What is it you are seeking from your parents?

Acceptance that you are entitled to think the way you want?

And if you gain that acceptance, what then?

You know more of the Bible than your mother and see relatives not conforming to the righteous mores of others and have determined, as a result, that doubt about God is justified.

You may think your are tired of living a lie, but your train of thought shows you may be tired of seeking the truth.

:)


#19

You mentioned you admire the Saints so let’s start there. Pick your favorite Saint and pray and ask them for intercession for you and your situation. Perhaps their prayers will help lead you in the direction God wants for you. I will pray for you tonight.

Blessings in Him,
mlz


#20

[quote="i_need_helpp, post:1, topic:239325"]
Well, I have a hypocritical family, and it's hard to say it. I used to be theistic, but I'm not anymore. I don't judge others beliefs; but I just don't believe anymore. How do I tell them I just don't believe anymore? I used to be born-again, but I just don't believe anymore. My mom claims she'll "love" me no matter what. But, when I tried to tell her, she cussed me out. She doesn't even go to mass anymore, she's Protestant now. She says she's a "believer", yet I know the bible and CCC better than she does; and I don't believe anymore. She judges what I listen to (I'm a metal head, but I listen to death metal and black metal also), yet she doesn't judge the immorality there is in (c)rap music. I'm tired of living a lie.

They judge me, and say I'm going to "hell" and praising Satan. Yet, they're hypocritical. Swear, get drunk, etc.

Why can't they actually set examples, like Saint Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II? I don't believe anymore, but I do respect the Patrons and Saints.

[/quote]

Hmmm. How many people like Mother Theresa are there among non-believers? Name one, and you know that someone else could name twenty (or a hundred) believers faster. I think that in your unbelief, you are throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

And what do you mean you used to be "theistic"? That you were "born again"? Do you mean that you have convinced yourself that you used to have relationship with a god who was a figment of your imagination? Maybe you did. Maybe Mother Theresa, who went through a very long dark night of the soul, had a somewhat different relationship than what you are rejecting. Consider rejecting the fantasy, but continuing to look for the reality.

Faith doesn't come from simply knowing the Bible and the CCC. It comes from living it, and from the grace of God.


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