In my current state, I have difficulty differentiating whether I consented to temptation/scruples or not without chanting a mantra. Even then I’m not even sure. I’m to ignore the scruples but they are SO persistent that I’m afraid of consenting to one in my weakened state. My will to resist is faltering and ignoring them seems like a pretty good idea right now, although it’s more of burnout/stress/exhaustion/apathy than actual pious counsel.
Not sure what you mean by Gnostic Catholic…but please see a Catholic priest immediately.
I’m seeing one tomorrow, but should probably change it from “Gnostic” to “Borderline-Insane”
It’s not apathy to ignore your temptations. It is a good thing to ignore them and move on. The more worried you get about a temptation, the more the temptations will increase. Saying a small prayer to Jesus and Mary and moving on is enough.
Since you are scrupulous, unless you can swear under oath that you clearly wanted these thoughts, you 100% must default to the conclusion that you didn’t sin and not confess it.
Don’t take you own counsel in deciding if you sinned or not–St Philip Neri said “He who has himself as a spiritual director has a fool for a spiritual director”. In your case, you should follow PianistClaire’s advice and contact your priest, even if he wanted you to come back at a later time.
I’m sorry to hear the terrible situation you’re in right now. Just keep it at “Catholic”.