How do you answer a hurtful email?


I received a very hurtful email from someone whom I considered a friend today. I had not been corresponding by writing emails as of late as I have been suffering from a great deal of stress. I have COPD and was in the ER last week on the 4th of July . I was put in the cardiac unit and had a holtz monitor on overnight and a lot of blood tests. I have to go for a stress test next week.
I had forwarded this person a general email which related to friendship and was sent to me by another friend.
Since I hadn’t been in communication with my friends, I forwarded this on to them also just to stay in touch until I am feeling better.She answered me stating that this was from a friendship site and since I wasn’t in touch with her why was I mailing her a friendship email. I had all intentions of calling her when I felt better but she does tend to be very lengthy on the phone and I’m just not up to calling or emailing at length right now.
I feel hurt that she would write to me in that matter. Am I wrong to feel this way? Thank you for your input which I would greatly appreciate.
Prayers for all of you.


I would just write her a short email, explain your situation, and than ask her to forgive you for not being able to keep in contact with her like you would prefer.

This is just a misunderstanding between the two of you. However, if you are humble and make the first step, I’m sure everything will be fine.

It sounds like your friend is just hurt, but she doesn’t understand what’s going on so you also need to forgive her.

I hope this helps a little.

Scout :tiphat:


Ellen, I’m sorry thaat a freind would do this. She must have been having a really bad selfish day.

You can if you choose email her back with an appology for not being in touch and explain that you have been ill or just forget her.

Most of all it sounds like she is in need of prayer to get over her pride.

God Bless you and I hope you get well soon.

Praying for you.


Ellen, it’s very possible that your friend simply gets a lot of forwarded messages and is getting tired of them. It would probably help if you just write her a simple, short e-mail and let her know that you have not been feeling well, have been in the hospital and are still trying to get back to normal. If she’s a true friend she’ll realize that you just aren’t up to lengthy conversations or e-mails right now. Good luck.


Call her when you are up to it, but I don’t recommend carrying this conversation on in email. Email can never relate the proper emotional context of a message.


Sorry that you’ve had such a bad experience especially when you are not well. What’s most important that you know you had good intentions when you forwarded the email.

Maybe instead of emailing or ringing you could send your friend a card telling her what’s been going on with you and that you currently lack the energy for making personal contact.

Suggest this because an email can seem impersonal, a card is more personal - you have to select it (or some else could do so based on the sort of card you think appropriate) and it has your writing on it.

Hope you get well soon.


1.) You could let it slide and just ignore it.
2.) You could apologize, even though it is certainly not your fault, and explain why you haven’t communicated.
3.) You could go to whatever device in your email blocks certain people from sending and list this person’s email address.

But no, you are not wrong to feel a twinge of hurt at this.


A couple of red flags show up in your post.

  1. Your friend is hard to get off the phone with.

  2. Your friend tries to put a guilt trip on you for not being in touch (without even knowing the reason why you haven’t been).

It sounds to me like this “friend” is very clingy and possessive, not to mention immature. People who do these sorts of things usually have a relatively low social/emotional IQ, and they often end up distancing any friends they make because they don’t allow for freedom in a relationship.

You didn’t deserve the rebuke she gave you. She is likely expecting you to apologize to her for being out of touch, relying upon your guilt to make you come back to her. It doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, but she has some immature ideas of what friendship is. Normally I would say it’s more appropriate to call a person who has hurt your feelings, because some conversations just don’t belong in an email; however, given her propensity for holding a caller “hostage,” it might be best to send a short and very honest reply. I’d tell her how sick you’ve been and how much her rude comment hurt you. Tell her you care about her, and that if you don’t write or call it isn’t for loss of love. But no apology seems necessary at this point.


I like this post:thumbsup: and I agree.


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